


On My Honor

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Children, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Political, Pre-White House (West Wing), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-16
Updated: 2007-09-16
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 51,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Jed steps up to the plate to strengthen his relationship with Ellie; Abbey's faced with an ethical dilemma when a mysterious new illness puzzles doctors around the world





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

It was late August 1981 and the Bartlets, along with the rest of the country, were embroiled in a summer of political and cultural changes. An assassination attempt on President Ronald Reagan prompted gun control advocates to work on new legislation, Sandra Day O'Connor was sworn in as the first female justice of the United States Supreme Court, and scientists at the Centers for Disease Control were keeping a close eye on a mysterious disease that was quickly spreading and thought to be exclusive to the gay community.

Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark enticed movie-goers like Lizzie, Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie's Endless Love battled Rick Springfield's Jessie's Girl for top honors on the Billboard Charts, and MTV celebrated its first broadcast while CNN proved the critics wrong - and delighted Jed - by surviving its inaugural year as America's first 24-hour news station. 

Jed and Abbey hadn't sold their Hanover home, though they now lived on the beautiful multiacre farm just outside of Manchester. Each room in the farmhouse was decorated with its own colors and themes, from the country-style oak and granite kitchen decorated with an island bar and lit by a wall of windows that stretched to the more contemporary formal dining room to the large wood-toned master bathroom upstairs lined with soft lamps and creamy tulip-shaped sconces. 

The girls' rooms were designed to their liking - Lizzie's in soft plum and rosy hues, Ellie's in a light blue and lavender, and a calming pink with white trim completed the look of Zoey's nursery. The master bedroom was traditionally set with an elegant four-poster bed guarded by a set of matching nightstands and lamps on either side. Artful accents adorned the sponge-patterned walls and a framed Gainsborough painting of the English countryside hung above the mantle. 

Abbey was in her last year of residency at Dartmouth-Hitchcock and had already been accepted to complete her fellowship there as well, one of the final obstacles standing between her and a career in thoracic surgery. Long hours at the hospital and a hectic on-call schedule made for many nights in the Hanover house, which is why they chose to keep it until the end of her residency.

Teenaged Lizzie just returned from two weeks at basketball camp to prepare her for eighth grade tryouts in September and six-year-old Ellie and one-year-old Zoey were spending the last weekend of summer vacation with Abbey's parents in Boston.

These days, it was rare that Jed had a chance to share breakfast with his wife. Even when he wasn't in Concord for the legislative session, his commute to Dartmouth College was considerably longer now and most mornings, if Abbey had driven back to the farm, she slept in after an exhausting night at the hospital. But today, she was wide awake, having been relieved of her shift the night before and enjoying the rare day off. Jed's new semester hadn't started and he hadn't yet resumed his office hours. The two sat across from one another at the round oak table in front of a bank of windows in the corner of the kitchen. 

Jed flipped through the Union Leader while sipping his coffee from the navy blue 'Carter For The 80s' mug he refused to relinquish after the November election. 

"YES! My night is made!" His eyes lit with passion, he enthusiastically snapped his paper to isolate the item he was reading.

"What?"

"It's history week on PBS. A marathon of intelligently written, educational films and documentaries. Tonight, they're airing The War of 1812, followed by Russia: Land of the Czars."

Abbey furrowed her brows. "Don't get me wrong, I like history as much as the next guy, but seriously, that sounds just awful."

"It sounds wonderful!" He was hurt by the implication otherwise. "There's also some talk of raising money for a private affiliate to focus exclusively on international history."

"That's my sweet guy. Fun, fun, fun."

"Are you mocking me?" 

"I would never mock you, Darling." Abbey sipped her coffee as she turned the pages of the New England Journal of Medicine.

"Hmm, I'm not entirely convinced of that, but I'll let it go." He stared at her for a moment out of the corner of his eye before returning his attention to his paper. "You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because tonight, at 7 p.m., I won't care. It's going to be me, a tub of popcorn, and a night of television viewing! Maybe I'll even get Lizzie to join me."

"Oh, leave her alone."

Jed lowered the newspaper and peeked above the top. "What? She'll have fun."

"She's thirteen. Watching Russia: Land of the Czars on PBS is not fun for a thirteen-year-old."

"I would have enjoyed it."

"Yeah, well, you're unique."

"Damn right, Baby! And so is Lizzie." He pushed out his chair and rose to his feet. "In fact, I'll prove it to you."

He made his way towards the stairs, Abbey trailing just behind. "She's exhausted, Jed! Let her sleep!"

"She's been exhausted since she came home last night. I miss her."

"You spent time with her when she got back."

"Not as much as you. You spent the night in her room."

"You could have joined us." She nudged him as they reached the landing at the top of the stairs. 

"Now you tell me," he replied as he turned the corner to Liz's room and knocked on the door. "Elizabeth? Are you up, Sweetheart?"

"Mmm hmm." Lizzie sleepily poked her head over her cranberry-colored sheets. Her eyes were barely opened and her face glistened with sweat. She felt clammy and ill. 

"Are you okay?" Always the doctor, Abbey sat on her daughter's mattress and pressed the back of her hand to Lizzie's forehead. "You feel kind of warm."

Liz shrugged. "I don't know. I'm cold." She flipped the top hem of the sheets to reveal a small circle of red spots marking her neck. 

"Lizzie, what is that?"

"I don't know, but it itches."

Abbey yanked on the covers to remove them completely and lifted her hands so she could examine her. "It's on your arms too."

"What is it?" Jed asked.

"I think..." She raised Liz's pant leg around her calf. "Yep. This one's already blistered. She has chicken pox."

"Chicken pox?"

"Yeah. You probably caught it from someone at camp." Liz began scratching her leg until Abbey gently gripped her fingers to stop her. "I know it's hard, but try not to do that."

"How long will it last?" 

"At least a week. Maybe longer."

"I start school on Monday! That's just great!" She folded her arms over her chest and plopped her back against the wall behind her.

"Hey, it won't be so bad," Jed assured her. "You might be better by Monday and in the meantime, I'll keep you company. Tonight, there's a wonderful line-up on PBS. How do you feel about Russia: Land of the Czars?"

Lizzie crinkled her forehead and furrowed her brows just as her mother had several minutes earlier. "Really?"

"I'll call your doctor." Abbey laughed as she brushed her daughter's bangs out of her eyes then stood to leave. "Jed, I need you." 

"Just give it a chance. You'll love it," Jed promised Lizzie before following his wife out of the room. "What's up?"

Abbey closed Liz's door to give them some privacy. "We have a problem. A person who has chicken pox is contagious 24-hours before the onset of symptoms."

"Thank God Ellie and Zoey were at your mom's last night."

"Jed..." She tilted her head to the side as if ashamed to admit it. "I spent all night with Lizzie."

"Yeah, but if you have it once, you're pretty much immune, right?"

"Not always, but most of the time. The problem is, if you've never had it before..."

"Oh, don't tell me." Jed's eyes widened with the sudden realization. "You've never had chicken pox?"

"No. Have you?"

"Yes!" he quickly answered. "But then again, I'm not a child. How could you have never had chicken pox?"

"I just didn't get it, okay? I have a tough immune system."

"If it's so tough then you won't get it this time."

"I've never been as close to it as I have this time. Plus, I'm older, more susceptible."

"So you're telling me that our daughter may have given you chicken pox?" He leaned back against the door frame, his sigh cut short by a chuckle.

"I don't know. It could take 10 days for symptoms to show up, but at the very least, I've been exposed to it. And what's so funny?"

"I'm sorry. It's just a tad humorous, don't you think?"

"We'll see how humorous you think it is when you have to do everything around here until this thing passes."

He reached for her hand, connecting their palms as he controlled his laughter. "So what do we do?"

"Go to my mom's to pick up Ellie. School starts next week so you're going to have to take her shopping for the last of her supplies and clothes by yourself, all the things we were going to do together. I'll also call Mom to ask if Zoey can stay with her. I don't want to take the chance of her getting it."

"Are you contagious now?"

"Not yet. It's too early, but I'll have to take a few sick days from the hospital at the end of the week and in the meantime, Lizzie and I will stay up here until we're both cleared as long as you can camp out with Ellie downstairs for the next several days."

"Won't Ellie catch it anyway?"

"Hopefully not this close to the first day of school. You know how shy she is even starting with the other kids. Imagine if she was forced to start a week later than the others." 

Jed nodded in agreement. "Okay. I'll take care of it," he told her as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. 

Abbey smiled warmly as she kissed him back. "One more thing. Ellie has a scout meeting."

"When?"

She hesitated briefly, then whispered, "tonight. At 7."

"You planned this," he accused, his pointer finger wagging in her face.

"I swear I didn't," she returned, unable to stop the smile that crossed her lips. "I'm sorry you're going to miss your show. Really, I am."

"Yeah, yeah. And you'll make it up to me, right?" He gave her a good-natured squeeze on the arm and swaggered around her to reach the phone. Abbey simply smirked as she walked back into Liz's room. 

Jed didn't mind filling in as Mr. Mom for the week. After all, it would give him an opportunity to spend some time with his middle daughter and paint himself as a hero to his wife. But then, something unexpected happened, something that would propel him beyond the call of duty. 

When he took Ellie to her scout meeting that night, Miss Shelly assembled the girls around the table and shared some troubling news. 

"As you all know," she began as she stood in front of them and pulled on her dress to expose her bulging belly. "I'm going to be having a baby soon. Which means, in a few weeks, I will no longer be able to lead this troop. At least for a while. So I'll be talking to each of your parents about what we want to do."

The girls listened attentively, their sad faces clearly visible as they were told the troop was in danger of temporarily disbanding. Ellie lowered her head and rested it on top of her hands which were folded neatly in front of her. Her golden curls fell around her cheeks, blocking Jed's view of her teary eyes. 

Her peers absorbed the news similarly and once the deep sighs subsided to a minimum, they stood up to form their usual circle. Each dressed in the customary brown uniform, they faced one another with one hand behind their back and the other raised. Their thumbs and pinkies were folded down and their three middle fingers pointed towards the sky. 

"On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times..."

As they recited the oath in unison, Jed's lips moved along with the words. Their stance was different, but their promise reminded him of a similar one he made once upon a time as a giddy Boy Scout, determined to meticulously follow his code of honor. He scoured the happy memories embedded in his mind, saddened by the frowns he now saw on the faces of these eight girls. 

Once they all took their seats, he approached Shelly. "Is there anything in the by-laws that prohibit men from serving as assistant leaders, someone willing to take over when the leader isn't able to serve?"

He said it quietly enough so the girls couldn't hear, but Ellie did. A proud smile formed on her face and her blue-green eyes sparkled with happiness. She lifted her hand and curled the tips of her fingers, waving to her father in a subtle, almost secretive way. It was her little stamp of approval. 

Later that night, she barged into the house, gleefully skipping towards the stairs. "Mommy! Mommy!"

Jed grabbed her waist as she bounded up the first two steps, pulling her into his arms. "Hey, remember what we talked about in the car?"

"Yeah, but can't I even see her?"

Abbey stood on the top landing, looking down at father and daughter. "Of course you can, Sweetheart. And you know what, it's too soon for me to be contagious so I can even give you a hug."

"Then can I come up with you and see Lizzie too?"

She took Ellie from Jed, grunting slightly before setting her down. "You're getting so big!"

"Can I come up?"

"I'm afraid not. Lizzie's already sick and I have to stay up here to take care of her, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to me whenever you want. Did you have fun at Grandma and Grandpa's?"

"Uh huh! And Zoey's having fun too. I left my doll there for her to play with and Daddy says we're gonna bring her some more stuff tomorrow."

"That's great!" Abbey bent down to kiss the top of Ellie's head.

"And then at Girl Scouts, Daddy said he wanted to be our leader!"

Her focus shifted from her daughter to her husband. "Really?"

Jed shrugged. "Yeah. Miss Shelly's looking for an assistant leader to step in during the final months of the pregnancy."

"And you volunteered?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Do you even know anything about what you're expected to do?"

"I'll learn. It's not like it's totally random, Abbey. I was an Eagle Scout for crying out loud."

She stared at him in disbelief, not because she couldn't imagine him leading Ellie's troop, but because his boundless dedication to pleasing his children always amazed her. Every time she assumed he couldn't surprise her any more, he would take that extra step that melted her heart. "I think you're going to be perfect."

"That's more like it," he teased. "There's a camping trip the weekend after next and I'm going as a parent chaperone. It's one of the steps in my training. We're going to pitch our tents, hunt for food, hike up the mountains."

"Jed." She paused for a second, reluctant to deflate his excitement with the cold, hard truth. "It isn't like that."

"What?" 

"They don't do that. They're going to Camp Marden. The tents are already up. They're on little plateaus. They don't hunt for food. They take canned Chef Boyardee and Miss Shelly usually starts a fire with matches."

"What kind of wussy camping trip is that?"

"One designed for six to eight-year-old girls."

"Yeah, well as a Boy Scout, we did much more." He nodded. "Okay, I guess there's still some stuff I have to learn."

"I'll help you learn, Daddy! We'll have fun!"

And that was his primary motivation. He couldn't wait to bond with Ellie. "Yes, we certainly will!" He returned the sweet expression that dominated her features. "Go get ready for your bath."

"But my pajamas are upstairs."

"Not anymore," Abbey replied. "I moved everything downstairs into the family room, including your clothes, shoes, two sleeping bags, several pillows, and some extra blankets."

"Do I have to stay down here all week?" 

"At least until Lizzie's blisters go away. Think of it as a pre-camping experience!"

Jed pulled on her shoulders as he directed her down the final few steps. "Go get ready and we'll read together before bed."

"Okay!" Excitement back in her voice, the six-year-old did as she was told.

"And after she's in bed..." Abbey tossed Jed a beta tape.

"What's this?"

"The first part of your PBS marathon. I'm taping the second part on the machine downstairs." She winked at him as Jed took another step up.

"Thank you," he said, tugging on her wrist just hard enough to make her fall down from her perch and into his arms.

"Hey, be gentle," she warned as she snuggled up to him. "I'm sick."

"Not yet, you're not." He nibbled on her ear and left a trail of kisses along her neck until she flipped her head back. "Besides, I've already had the chicken pox."

 

TBC


	2. On My Honor

"Rise and shine!" In clear deviation from the words, Jed spoke in a low whisper, unaware that Abbey was already up and thumbing through her latest medical journals.

"Hi." She lifted her head slightly to give him a quick glance and notice that she had wiped the smirk right off his face. She then returned to what she was reading.

"You know, it's no fun waking you if you're already awake. I had a plan. You ruined it." He held a large tray of croissants, assorted fresh fruits, a glass of orange juice, and a steamy mug of coffee. 

"I know how much you hate it when I do that, however unintentional it might be." She adjusted the pillows behind her, sitting up to accept the tray, placing it across her hips as she greeted him with an appreciative smile. "Four days in a row. I'm going to get used to this really fast."

"To the point of reciprocation, I hope."

It was day four of Abbey's bedrest. The patchy red bumps that marked Lizzie's skin only a week earlier had now invaded hers, leaving her confined to the master bedroom while Liz, who had recovered nicely from her battle with the chicken pox, assisted Jed with the household chores. Zoey had returned from her grandmother's, but to avoid exposure to the illness, her crib had been moved to the family room. 

"I'm feeling much better today," Abbey assured him as her fingers absently coiled around the coffee mug.

Jed reached for the cup, taking it out of her clutches before she burned her lips with the first sip. He blew over the top and tested the temperature before handing it back to her. "Here."

"Your bedside manner is one of a kind, Dr. Bartlet."

"Not really. I learn from the best," he returned, giving her a wink of his eye as he sat on the edge of the mattress. "Why are you up so early anyway?"

"I couldn't sleep. I've been going over some of these articles again. The feds don't seem to be taking this thing seriously. They haven't allocated any money for research."

"GRID?"

"Yes." Disappointed, she sighed as she turned the page. 

Dozens of patients had died and more than a hundred others were infected with a disease initially known as Gay Related Immune Deficiency. It was new and confusing, this complex virus that shattered the immune system and usually led to a form of pneumonia so rare that Abbey had yet to see a case. What some experts privately suspected was that it reached beyond the gay community and was about to become a global epidemic with the mortality rate matching the number infected.

While Abbey - like every other doctor in the country - closely monitored CDC reports, waiting for the answers to define all the possible means of transmission, scientists and bureaucrats prepared to take a hit as their two worlds collided in a firestorm of fear and ignorance.

"It doesn't surprise me. The government doesn't even want to admit it exists."

"Jed..." She crinkled her forehead as the sound of the doorbell interrupted her. "Who's that?"

"Lizzie..." Jed shouted downstairs as he walked just outside the doorway. "...send him up!" He turned to face Abbey, dismissing her question without a second thought. "Put this on."

She accepted the red satin robe he handed her and draped it around her shoulders. "Who is it?"

"A surprise. So where were we?"

"You were about to sing Carter's praises at Reagan's expense."

"That's right." Still bitter about the change in the political climate, Jed used every opportunity to criticize Ronald Reagan. "Has the White House said one word about GRID?"

"No one has. It's barely even gotten a mention in the press."

"You turn up 80 dead heterosexuals and I guarantee you President Reagan would be all over it. It's because they think it's only going to kill the gays and they don't think anyone wants to hear about American tax dollars being spent to save bathhouses in San Francisco." 

"Yeah, well, it shouldn't be a political debate. People are dying. That should be enough." 

He sat in a chair, leaning forward to roll up his socks and slip into his shoes. "I don't like it anymore than you do, but it IS a political debate. Carter would have..."

"Oh, here we go again." Abbey closed her journal and threw it to the side. 

"He would have! The man was a nuclear physicist, Abbey. He has a lot of respect for science and technology."

"Is this where the party is?" a third voice echoed from the threshold.

"Leo!" Jed approached his friend with his hand out, ready for a shake, but he quickly disregarding the gesture in favor of a hug. "You want some breakfast?"

"No, I'm stuffed. I grabbed a couple of muffins and some coffee on the ride over. Thanks for sending the car by the way." 

"My pleasure."

"Leo, how are you?" Abbey asked, raising her head to get his attention. "We weren't expecting you until Monday."

"I called him," Jed interjected. "I asked him to come up early to keep an eye on you while Ellie and I are camping." 

"And since Jenny took Mallory to visit her parents, I caught the redeye to Logan," Leo added, taking a few steps towards her, stopping just short of the foot of the bed. "How are you doing?"

"I don't need a babysitter."

"That's exactly what you need," Jed replied with a hint of levity in his tone. "I couldn't leave you here sick if I had any hope of enjoying this camping trip. My mind would have been plagued with regret. So allow me to amend my original statement slightly to say 'that's exactly what we both need.' Please don't fight me on this one."

Leo silently took note of the mutually loving glance that punctuated their exchange. "Seriously, Abbey, I'm looking forward to it. I needed a few more days away. Who wants to stay in an empty house?"

"You know we're always happy to have you, Leo. I just don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me."

He waved off her concern. "No way. This gives me a chance to get a jump-start on my case. I can meet with my Boston client Monday afternoon instead of Tuesday morning. Besides, you're functional. We'll recruit Lizzie for nightly games of Shanghai Rum."

"I'll take you up on that and so will she. Careful what you wish for." Abbey laughed. "By the way, have you had the chicken pox?"

"What am I, five?" He looked at Jed, both men turning their smiles towards Abbey before Leo remorsefully cleared his throat in response to her more serious demeanor. "So how are you feeling today?" 

"I'm better."

"She's well enough to tell me I'm wrong." And for Jed, that was the most accurate barometer of her health.

"I'm always well enough for that, Babe."

"Uh oh. What's the topic?" 

Jed pulled up another chair right beside his and patted it down for Leo. "How much have you heard about what they're calling 'gay cancer'?" 

"Hardly anything," Leo answered as he took a seat. "It got a little blurb in The Times last week. Aside from that, I wouldn't know anything about it except that a client of mine's a doctor and he's pretty cranky about the CDC's skeleton budget on this one."

"Exactly, and I'm just telling Abbey that if we had someone else in charge, someone more competent in the Oval Office, perhaps a former scientist even, things would be different."

"President Carter." Leo said it definitively as if there was no other choice.

"Absolutely!" 

Abbey rolled her eyes. "The former President may have taken a proactive stand, but since he would have been fighting his recent fumbles, no one can say for sure. Jed is convinced the country would magically be free from problems if he had won reelection, never mind all the problems while he was still in office."

"Do I detect a little resentment, Abigail?" 

"It's been almost a year, Jed. People were ready for a change. It's time to move on."

"People weren't ready for a change. They were ready for the latest fad and that's when John Anderson got involved." Third party candidates with a respectable following but no clear shot at the win frequently annoyed Jed. 

"Yeah. Well. That's the way it goes." She lowered her head to avoid his stare.

"Abbey?"

"Yes?" She took a bite of her croissant, examining it first as she continued to refuse his gaze. 

"Why do you always do that? You always look down when we talk about the election."

"Don't be silly." 

"You do and you also change the subject." Jed paused momentarily. "You know, I never asked this because I just assumed..." He chuckled at the absurdity of his question. "You voted for Carter, didn't you?"

Without answering, she clawed at her shoulder to scratch the irritating bumps. "I'm in agony over here."

Jed gently slapped her hand. "Don't do that!"

"Excuse me, you have no idea how bad this feels right now!"

"And don't change the subject either. You voted for Carter, didn't you?"

"No," she answered quietly, pressing the mug to her lips immediately afterwards.

"You didn't?" 

She shook her head. "No."

"Okay." Jed bit his cheek as he braced his hands on the chair and lifted himself to his feet. "Just...who did you vote for?"

"It's a secret ballot."

"Who did you vote for? Tell me it wasn't Reagan because the thought of you thinking a Hollywood movie star is qualified to run this country would just kill me."

"The people of California thought he was qualified to run their state."

Leo's grin dominated his face from ear to ear. A casual observer might have assumed they were fighting, but an intimate outsider would know this was no fight. It was Jed and Abbey just being Jed and Abbey. Disagreeing, debating, and at the end, loving each other just as much as they had before. 

He sat back and enjoyed the banter between them, fondly remembering a time when his own marriage mirrored theirs. Jed and Abbey's spark was a familiar one, for it had once lit a fire between him and Jenny. But the McGarrys were different now. Explosive arguments and bitter retorts put an end to the witty repartee that had attracted them to one another. 

Truth be told, he wasn't visiting the farm because Jenny had taken Mallory to visit her parents. He was visiting the farm because he needed his friends. Jenny's trip wasn't one taken for pleasure. She hadn't left for a simple visit. She had run away - from him and his excessive drinking. 

He wanted to be here. To see how married life could be. To remind himself how it had been before. 

"Abbey." Jed used a stern voice, as if that would force Abbey's thoughts onto a detour towards agreement.

"I didn't vote for Reagan," Abbey finally said to Jed's relief, and just when his chest expanded with a relaxing exhale, she continued. "I did vote for Anderson, however."

Jed nodded without expression. He stuffed his hands in pocket and circled around the room. "Why?"

"Unlike you, I don't think the sun rises and sets with Carter. There were some serious problems - international terrorism and rising oil prices to name just two - and I was ready for someone else to take over."

"I don't understand why you would want a former movie-star-turned-conservative-Republican in the White House, because that's exactly what happened thanks to votes like yours." The Anderson factor had cost Carter the election. Of this, Jed was certain. "You didn't really think Anderson was going to win."

"See, this is why I didn't tell you."

"Because you knew I'd respond with reason?"

"Because you're incapable of being reasonable about this."

"I am not incapable of being reasonable about this or anything else," he replied defensively. "I was just shocked by the revelation and I still don't understand why anyone would want to waste a vote during a Presidential election, but I can only assume you made the decision you did after careful examination of your options." 

"Good." Abbey sighed as she reached for a strawberry.

"I'm okay. I'll deal with it. My ability to reason is still intact."

"Okay then." Leo rose from his chair, his eyes never leaving Jed's erratic pace.

His arms folded across his chest, Jed moved towards his wife. "A few months ago, I wanted to set Millie up with a colleague of mine. You said he was a Libra and that it would never work out because the planets were out of whack. Remember?"

Leo shot him a quizzical look, but Abbey knew her husband well enough to know exactly where he was headed. Grasping at straws wasn't unheard of for a man like Jed, someone who often looked beyond easy explanations in search of elaborate reasons that never quite made it on anyone else's radar. Even if he really was willing to accept the simple notion that Abbey chose Anderson because she believed he was the best candidate, well, it was still fun to tease her about it.

"I didn't reject Carter because he's a Libra," Abbey argued. 

"You're sure?"

"Ellie's a Libra."

"Ellie's not President."

"And if she was, you actually think anyone would dare not vote for her because of her sign?"

"Who knows what goes through someone's mind when they hit the ballot box. Who knows what you were thinking when you voted." His adrenaline always soared when he tweaked her.

"I already told you what I was thinking and you told me that you were going to drop it."

"I'm just saying. You've been known to be a bit of an astrological bigot in the past." Clearly amused by the disgruntled expression he provoked, Jed chuckled. 

Abbey curled her lips together before responding. She knew a few adjectives he despised just as much. "You're oppositional." 

"Oh please. That's ridiculous," he protested, dropping his hands to his side. "I am not oppositional."

"Okay," Abbey smiled, savoring the irony while bypassing Jed to lock eyes with Leo.

"Not funny," Jed declared as he noticed the silent exchange. "It's your vote. It's a free country and I have no right to tell you who to pick to lead it. I won't say another word about it."

"Thank you." 

He kneeled beside her and touched the back of his hand to her forehead. "You're a lot cooler than yesterday."

"I told you. I feel better." Abbey pulled herself up, stretching her upper body to press her lips to his in a kiss. "But thanks for checking. I love you."

"I love you too." Jed picked up half a croissant and handed it to her. "Eat your breakfast." He stood to address Leo. "Make sure she eats her breakfast."

"I will," Leo promised, still admiring their playful interaction. 

"Lizzie's bus will be here in 20 minutes. Wendy's mom is picking Ellie up in a half hour and I'm driving into Boston to drop Zoey off at Abbey's parent's before work. Ellie and I are leaving right after school this afternoon."

"We'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Easier said than done, my friend." Jed looked at Abbey once more, his body language showing his reluctance to leave.

"I'll be much better by Sunday," she said.

"Yeah?" He scoffed, staring at the red eruptions that were visible now that her robe had slid slightly off her shoulders.

"Don't laugh. It's getting better. In fact, I'll probably be back at work by Tuesday."

"To treat all those poor, unsuspecting patients."

"Your concern is touching," she teased as she took another nail to an itchy patch of skin. 

"I told you not to do that." Jed pulled her hand away. "Tape oven mitts over her hands if you have to," he advised Leo.

"That's cruel, Bartlet," Abbey spat out.

"I have to save you from yourself, Sweet Knees. If only you had asked for my help when you voted last November." 

"Jed," she growled. He surrendered instantly, his hands raised to cut off her objection.

"Last joke about that." He reached for a bottle of calamine lotion on the nightstand and handed it to Leo. "This is what she uses."

"You want me to rub it all over her?" 

Jed's narrow eyes answered his question, but to avoid confusion, he replied verbally as well. "No."

"Just wanted to make sure," Leo teased, shooting Abbey a mischievous grin.

"I want you to remind her to use it whenever she tries to scratch."

"And if it's really bad, Leo, I WILL want you to rub it all over me," Abbey added in a low, breathy voice, one provocative enough to bring out the infamous twitch in Jed's eyebrow.

"Knock it off," Jed admonished her with a steely glare.

"I'm just having as much fun with you as you were having with me, Gumdrop." She yanked on his wrist, bringing him down to her level for one last kiss and just as she pulled away, she whispered, "I voted for Carter."

"You're a little trickster." Jed brushed her hair out of her face and tenderly ran his fingers over the rosy swells that covered her neck. 

"It was fun to see you get all worked up."

"Cruelty is not an attractive trait, Love." He pinched the tip of her nose. "I'll call you when we get there."

"Keep an eye on Ellie and thank Mom for taking Zoey. Tell her I'll call her later."

"I promise - on all three counts." Jed lowered his forehead to touch Abbey's before he stood up to leave. "I'll see you Sunday, Leo. Thank you, again, for flying out early."

"Have a good time. Don't worry about a thing."

"Easier said than done," he repeated as he gathered a duffel bag and headed out the door.

TBC


	3. On My Honor

The New Hampshire sky lit up under the steady flame of a crackling bonfire. It shaded the faces of the eight Girl Scouts sitting before it with streaks of orange and red while a sparkling array of stars shined above them and the whistle of a cool breeze mingled with the sound of the burning embers. 

The usual howls and chirps that normally echoed through the air took on a more sinister tone on this night. The girls tightened their circle and wrapped themselves secure in their jackets and throw blankets as they listened closely to a story told by one of their own.

"Just as they walked through the windy path, they heard the growling behind the trees. First Laurie screamed, then Jane and then they both ran as fast as they could over a pile of leaves..."

Seven-year-old Susie Perkins had a knack for storytelling. Limited by her elementary school vocabulary, she frequently compensated by dragging out her words and trembling as she spoke, spooking the audience even more than her wild hand gestures and wicked facial expressions.

"...and when they got to the end of the path, they screamed even louder because the bear they heard growling at them through the trees was actually standing in front of them with sharpened claws. He raised up his hand and then a drop of blood fell from the face of one of the girls..."

She trailed off as a round of shrieking screams buzzed over the campfire and her fellow scouts buried their heads in their hands and embraced one another. 

"Okay, okay!" Miss Shelly immediately interrupted them. "I think that's enough of that story."

"Nooooo!" a few of the girls whined. 

"We have to know what happened!" another added.

Jed, along with two other parent chaperones, sat behind them. "I'm sure the girls made it back to their campsite under the guidance of the North Star. Right, Susie?"

"No, Mr. Bartlet. They were killed and eaten by the bear," Susie answered, obviously missing the subtle hint in Jed's question. 

"That's a BAD story!" six-year-old Samantha protested, her blanket draped around her head and shoulders, leaving only her eyes peeking through. "I didn't like that AT ALL!"

"I did," eight-year-old Angela countered. "Tell us another, Susie. A ghost story!"

"No, I don't think we need a ghost story tonight," Miss Shelly replied.

"Me neither!" Samantha agreed. 

"Mr. Bartlet, what is the North Star?" Amanda asked. "And how would they have found their way to the campsite with it?"

Jed smiled proudly at the curious six-year-old. Before beginning, he looked to Shelly for an approving nod. "May I?"

"Please do. Astronomy is not my forte."

He rose from his chair and made himself part of the circle, kneeling on the ground beside the girls. Ellie moved over to make room for her father, her hand reaching up to grab his fingers and yank him onto his rear. 

"Okay, okay, hold your horses," he teased his daughter. "What's your hurry? You already know this."

Ellie shrugged. She had heard this story before during a family trip to Yellowstone, but at the time, she was four years old - a little young to really appreciate it "I wanna hear it again."

Jed returned her warm glance and shifted slightly to get comfortable when facing the other girls. "The North Star is the only star that remains perfectly still. And because it remains perfectly still, if you can find it, you can rely on it to find your way if you're ever lost at night."

"Tell us why, Daddy," Ellie prodded.

"Miss Eleanor wants me to tell you all why. There's a fascinating myth about why the North Star doesn't move. Do you girls want to hear it?"

Always ready for a story, they shouted in unison. "YES!" 

Jed chuckled at their enthusiasm. "Have you heard the legend of Na-Gah?" The girls shook their heads. "Na-Gah was the son of a loving Native American man who once told him that the way to achieve greatness is through courage and bravery. So Na-Gah wanted to make his father proud, he wanted to impress him with such a spectacular show of bravery that nothing else could compare. He searched day and night until he found this cliff, the tallest one around, and he decided that he would climb it. He thought that only then would his father see how brave he really was because Na-Gah was actually afraid of heights."

"Did he do it?"

"Yeah. He swallowed his fear and he went all the way to the top, struggling but not backing down because he knew that if he made it, his father would be so proud of him. Unfortunately, it was only when he reached the very top of the mountain that he realized there was no way down. There was no path and the rocks were very loose so he couldn't travel the side of the cliff."

"He was stuck?" 

"That's right. He was stuck on the tallest mountain. One so tall, it nearly reached the sky. And when his father came looking for him, he found Na-Gah helpless and afraid. He reached up to him, but that only made Na-Gah more upset because no matter how much he tried, he couldn't touch his father. He couldn't get down."

"That's sad," Ellie muttered.

"Yes, it is. But his father looked at his son and told him how proud he was at the courage that Na-Gah showed in climbing that mountain. How brave he was to overcome his fear. He couldn't bring him down, but he couldn't stand to see his son suffer either, so he twisted his hands and chanted a rhyme only he and Na-Gah could hear. That chant transformed Na-Gah from a little boy into a star way up in the sky, a star free from fear and suffering, one that can be seen and honored by all of us for the rest of time."

"So he never made it down?" Susie asked matter-of-factly.

"He didn't have to. There he is." Jed directed her attention to the stars. "Right up there."

Amanda tilted her head to look up at the sky. "Where is he? Which one?" 

"Okay, everyone, stand up." The girls quickly followed Jed's instruction as he moved around them to pull them in closer. "Look up at all those stars. Have you learned about the Big Dipper yet?"

A chorus of "nos" and "yeses" ran through the campsite as he was reminded of the difference in ages of the group he was addressing. He kneeled back down to their level, his arm elevated slightly and his fingers aimed at the sky. He followed the cluster of stars that shaped the bowl and handle of a dipper and attentively guided them through tracing an imaginary line towards Polaris.

"It's like connect-the-dots," Susie observed.

"That's it? That's Na-Gah?" Samantha was surprised by how small and insignificant it seemed when enclosed by the dazzling stars around it. 

"That's it," Jed confirmed. "But we call it the North Star."

"But why isn't it brighter than the others?" 

"That's just how it is. There are many stars brighter than it, but it's importance isn't in how bright it is. It's in its location. In addition, it's also the furthest point on the handle of the Little Dipper so now you can find that as well." He stood back and admired the inquisitive stares. Even the older girls, the ones who had already been introduced to astronomy, looked up in awe and wonder. 

"So it can help us find our way?" 

"That's right, Monica. For instance, if we were take a hiking path to the East and we wanted to get back to the campsite, we would find the North Star and if it was directly in front of us, we'd know that we have to go to the left. Can you tell me why?"

"Because West is left of North!" Ellie quickly answered.

"That's absolutely right."

Her eyes glowed with joy only momentarily. Then, as if a sharp jolt had ruptured her spirit, she hung her head. "But it's still sad that Na-Gah never got to go home. He was lost forever."

Jed always knew of his daughter's big heart, but even he was a little surprised by how personally she took the legend of Na-Gah. "It's all right, Sweetheart. Being up in the sky and living among the stars, why, it means you can live for eternity. Long after all of us go to Heaven, Na-Gah will be shining down on Earth."

"But did Na-Gah get to see his father?" Samantha asked, taking a cue from Ellie's somber reaction.

"Absolutely he did. Stars are simply spirits that guide you through life. Na-Gah's spirit stayed with his father until the day he died and then, they were reunited up in the sky."

"Yeah?" A glimmer of happiness returned in Ellie's tone.

"Yeah," Jed confirmed as he stroked Ellie's hair and gave a reassuring smile to Samantha.

Several minutes later, Shelly intruded on the tender scene in hopes of lightening the mood. She approached from behind and placed her hand on Jed's shoulder. "I think Mr. Bartlet would be a great candidate to lead you girls towards your Space Exploration Badge. What do you say?"

"YEAH!" Once again, they squealed in unison.

"I don't know if I should be pissed that you recruited me without asking or thrilled that they're so excited about astronomy," Jed joked.

"Thrilled," Shelly replied with a chuckle. "Always thrilled. I don't know how they're going to get to sleep tonight."

During her years as a troop leader, Shelly had learned that a group of girls as young as these never wanted to sleep while camping. Instead, one rebel would wake the rest and they'd gather around inside the tent to continue their night of storytelling, only a sparkle of a single flashlight saving them from pitch-black darkness.

That wasn't going to happen this time. 

As the night started to wind down, the girls retreated to their tents to change into their pajamas. Because of the next day's morning hike, they were promised a final bonfire celebration they would never forget, under the condition of a full night's slumber. As a safety precaution, each was paired with another and they were prohibited from leaving the immediate campsite for any reason other than a trip to the restrooms a few feet away. 

Well after 2 a.m., Angela began to stir. She sluggishly lifted herself up and tapped her partner on the shoulder. "Ellie? Ellie, wake up."

"Hmm?" A groggy Ellie rolled to her back. Her fingers curled into fists to rub her eyes. 

"Wake up. I have to go to the bathroom."

"Oh." Ellie stretched for another few seconds then sat up to unzip her sleeping bag. She pulled her legs out from the pad and reached for a jacket and a nearby flashlight. 

"Come on," Angela encouraged as she grabbed her own flashlight, as well as a sweater, and opened the flaps of the tent so they could tiptoe past their fellow scouts. 

The girls walked shoulder-to-shoulder through the path that led to the red brick building that housed a few latrines and shower stalls. Ellie immediately noticed the dark and gloomy atmosphere. The formerly clear night was now cloudy and the twinkling points of light they were able to see earlier were hidden behind a mist of fog, only appearing every once in a while through a clearing in the haze. 

Still mesmerized by the stargazing before bed, her eyes focused on the sky. "Look at them."

"I can't see them."

"I can. Sort of."

"Do you think if we got lost, we could really find our way back by using the North Star?"

"Yeah. My dad said we could." Jed was her king. If he said it, it had to be true. Ellie never looked at the path in front of her. Instead, she spent the entire stroll searching for the Big Dipper. 

Astronomy was nothing new to her. Jed and Abbey eagerly shared their love of the great outdoors with all their children, but it wasn't until now that Ellie felt an inkling of fascination for the importance of space. She was intrigued by the celestial body hovering above, yet bewildered by its relevance to Earth, and by extension, to her. Amazed that there actually was a pattern of glittering dots, yet still saddened by her young interpretation of the reason.

When Angela emerged from the bathroom, she followed Ellie to their familiar route, but Ellie took an unexpected turn and Angela curiously stopped. "What are you doing?"

"I wanna show you." 

"Show me what?"

"That my dad was right," she said as she continued walking. "We can find our way back by using the North Star."

Angela reluctantly tagged along, skipping a few steps in order to keep up with her determined partner. "Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"This way." She shined her light straight ahead.

"What's that way though?"

"East..." It was a confident response.

"That's east?" Angela questioned.

"I think," Ellie whispered, a little less sure as the dense forest that outlined the permitter of the camp closed around them.

They stumbled over roots and ducked under an obstacle course of thick branches on their way through the many twists and turns of a path that was pretty well hidden by the dark, moonless night. With every step, Ellie slowed down, cautiously inspecting her surroundings before taking another. They both gasped when Angela shined her light around them.

"Okay, maybe we went far enough." Ellie's confidence began to waver as she realized she didn't recognize anything.

"Now what?" Startled that the ominous clouds had entirely blocked their vision of the stars, Angela's tiny pink lips quivered with her words.

"I can't see it at all."

"Lets just go back to camp."

After a small pause, Ellie agreed. "Okay."

It was a reasonable plan, going back to camp and never mumbling a word of their short escapade to anyone. But it wouldn't be that easy. 

The pair came to an abrupt stop only seconds later. They looked to each other for answers then circled around themselves, confronted by a blur of branches, leaves, and three rocky paths that curved beyond their sight. Angela turned once more while Ellie looked at the sky in hopes of a brief glimpse at the stars that could navigate the way. Instead, the wind picked up speed and a cold September raindrop stung her eye. She blinked it away, her vision coming into focus to see Angela gesturing towards the three similar trails.

"Which one?" 

Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat and, in her best effort to disguise her frightened state of mind, she strengthened her voice. "I don't know."

 

TBC


	4. On My Honor

"Which one?" 

Even the dim glow of the flashlight casting a halo around the three rocky paths that curved beyond their sight, didn't give them a glimpse of familiarity. The wind howled through the thick trees and a scattered lump of leaves and stones began to soak into the crevices as the first few raindrops wet the ground

"I don't know." Ellie's trembling fingers coiled around the base of the flashlight, aiming it to the left. "That way maybe?" 

Angela shrugged, but neither moved. Both were dressed in sweats and PJs with only a light jacket and a sweater providing a thin barrier from the cold sprinkle of rain and the harsh breeze that followed. Angela had slipped into a pair of flats for the short trek to the restrooms while Ellie had climbed into her canvas sneakers. Their choice of footwear gave them virtually no traction on the awkward slope of the damp terrain, a fact they quickly learned when they tried to escape their predicament. 

Ellie grabbed her partner's hand, pulling her over the intruding roots that littered the trail, but Angela resisted and slipped slightly. "OW!"

"Are you okay?"

"No! You don't even know if we're going the right way. My parents always told me to stay where I am if I get lost."

"But I don't wanna stay here. It's dark and cold..." Ellie stopped momentarily, then said softly, "...and scary."

So scary, in fact, that in their minds, recognizable sounds took on a threatening echo. The hooting of the owls vibrated through the night air more like squeals and even high-pitched screams as the vivid imaginations of the girls manipulated their psyches. Twigs were snapping behind them and wind-blown leaves fell to their feet, rustling around, some of them masking the crunching noises Angela kept hearing.

"I can't stop thinking about Susie's story about the two girls and the bear."

"That didn't happen," Ellie assured her, unwilling to admit it was the story of Na-Gah - the little boy stuck on top of a mountain and unable to return to his father - that haunted her.

"Do you hear that?" Angela raced to the middle trail. "It was back there."

"I didn't hear it." 

Footsteps. She was convinced they were footsteps crunching the foliage underneath. "There's someone there."

"There can't be."

"This is just like the story of the two Girl Scouts a few years ago. They got lost at Camp Marden and they were never, EVER found again. EVER!"

"What happened?" Ellie looked at her quizzically.

Angela shrugged. "No one knows. We think they live with the bears now."

Ellie swallowed hard, her forehead wrinkling to banish the image from her mind. "Well, I don't think that's true. My sister Lizzie was a Girl Scout and her troop used to camp here and she never told me anything like that."

"She didn't want to scare you."

"Nuh uh! She LOVES to scare me. She used to do it all the time."

"Used to?"

"Last Halloween, I was a witch. A really ugly one. Lizzie went to a haunted house with all her friends so when my mom brought me home from trick or treating, I didn't take off my witch costume. I hid in Lizzie's closet behind all her clothes and waited for her. As soon as she opened the door and walked inside, I jumped on her."

Angela relaxed slightly and allowed a subtle smile to curve the ends of her lips. "Was that fun?"

"Uh huh! She screamed and ran and everything! Now she doesn't scare me anymore."

"Shhhh!" Angela tensed up once again and stepped in front of Ellie. "Did you hear it?"

Ellie stood still, perfectly silent, her head tilted slightly to the side as she listened. The crunching became louder, the footsteps closer, and Ellie jerked in terror. "OH NO!"

"What is that?"

"I don't know."

"It's those girls! The ones who never made it back to camp. They're like spirits or something haunting the campground." Truth be told, Angela was more intrigued by this thought than frightened by it.

"My dad said spirits are stars," Ellie reasoned. "Remember?"

"The one in Amityville Horror wasn't a star." 

Not only had Ellie been much too young to see the popular movie when it came out two years earlier, she knew very little about it. "My mom would never have let me watch that."

"Mine didn't either. My brother told me all about it." 

"I'm not even supposed to talk about things like that or hear about them either."

"Why?"

"So I won't be scared like you, I guess."

Angela took Ellie's hand and they both backed away from the ominous cluster of Elms, startled yet again by a new sound. This time, two ghoulish growls, one much deeper than the other and seemingly coming from different directions, beckoned from beyond the branches.

The crunching grew louder still. The clouds above parted, giving them a momentary reprieve from the darkness. But just as fast as they revealed the moon, they enveloped it once again. As the girls took steps behind them while their eyes focused on the scene in front, a hand, manipulatively waiting for the first clap of thunder, curled through a clearing in the trees and violently grabbed Angela's shoulder with such intensity, she nearly fell backwards. 

A terrifying shriek escaped from the innermost depths of her lungs. Ellie forcefully pulled on her partner's forearm and before either one could look behind them, they sprinted together over the peak of one of the trails, screaming for help while tears streamed down their cheeks and their small bodies shuddered in fear. 

A slippery patch of grass caused Ellie to tumble forward into the mud. "Ouch!"

Angela yanked her hand. "Come on! We have to go!"

Between their ragged breaths, they heard yet another peculiar sound, one that presented no danger whatsoever. Ellie rose to her feet and turned to find the origin of a hysterical fit of laughter. 

"That was too good!" 

"It was great! We should have taken pictures!" 

Angela and Ellie stared at one another, obviously perplexed by the two new strangers. They looked to be a few years older, probably campers based on what they were wearing - pajamas under their light raincoats.

"What's so funny?" Angela finally asked.

"You are!" one of them answered. "Both of you, running through the woods screaming like your hair's on fire."

"We were scared and that isn't funny!" Ellie admonished. 

"Come on," the other girl replied, still chuckling. "It was a riot!"

"Who are you anyway?"

"Jennie Harrison, Junior Troop 142."

"And I'm Keri Myers, same. We're camping right over there and we heard you on our way to the bathrooms." She pointed towards another red brick building that had somehow surpassed Ellie and Angela's sight.

"We didn't know there were other troops here this weekend," Ellie said.

"Yeah, but we're glad there are. I'm Angela and this is Ellie. Brownie Troop 168."

"Figures," Jennie teased.

"What?" Ellie asked.

"We knew you guys were too little to be Juniors."

"We are not little! I'm 8 and Ellie's going to be 7 next month!" 

"You're still too young to be Juniors." Keri stood smugly at the ripe old age of 11. "You don't even know you're not supposed to wander away from camp. Don't sweat it though. When you're old enough, you'll be able to find your way back. This time, we'll help you if you want."

The playful rivalry between the Junior Scouts and the Brownie Scouts wasn't shocking to Ellie. She had heard all the stories from Lizzie and knew what to expect. She also knew that despite the ribbing, a Girl Scout was still a Girl Scout. "You will?"

"Yeah. Scout's honor," Jennie confirmed, her three fingers raised. "I have a little sister like you. So which way to your campsite?"

The million-dollar question. Not only were they confused after their stargazing adventure, but now, they had run from their other location as well. Ellie and Angela looked at each other blankly.

"You don't know?"

"If we knew, we wouldn't be lost," Angela sarcastically responded.

"That's okay. You two can come back with us. We'll wake our leader. I'm sure she'll help." Keri began to saunter away, certain the two younger girls would follow. And after a brief pause, they did. 

"So, Ellie," Jennie began. "Do you know why the Junior Girl Scout got kicked out of scouts?"

"Why?" Ellie played along, trustingly.

"She ate a brownie. Grrr!" She breathed into Ellie's ear, growling the same sinister growl she grumbled from behind the trees.

"That isn't funny!" Angela slapped the older girl's arm and held a reassuring hand out to Ellie.

A few hours later, as the sun began to rise over the campground warming the remnants of the chilly September night and drying the saturated grass, Jed emerged from his tent to inhale a whiff of fresh air. He stretched his arms above his head as far as they could possibly go and twisted his back in both directions. 

Delicate leaves swayed in the wind, a few already falling from their branches as autumn approached. Birds were chirping from high above and a colorful rainbow faintly marked the clear blue skies. For Jed, this was paradise. He could bask in the splendor of the Great Outdoors for days and never want or miss the comforts of home. The only thing that could have made a camping trip like this better was if Abbey, Lizzie, and Zoey had accompanied him and Ellie.

He walked towards the pile of dry twigs still in its teepee formation from the campfire the night before. His hands guarding them, he was shuffling the tinder for a new blaze when Samantha peeked out from inside her tent. 

"Mr. Bartlet, where's Ellie?"

Those were the most frightening words Jed had heard in a very long time. A quick search of the campsite and the adjacent restrooms confirmed that both Ellie and Angela were gone. Jed's pulse raced, his hands trembled uncontrollably, and in those few minutes that he teetered on the brink of sanity, he thought for sure his heart had stopped as a nauseating lump formed in his throat.

Frantically, he ran his hand through his hair, struggling to catch his breath. "I'm going to go look for them."

"I'm going too," another parent volunteered.

"Take a map just in case..." Shelly advised before she trailed off at the vision of the two missing Scouts walking sheepishly back to camp. 

"Hi," the woman behind them greeted. "I'm a chaperone for Troop 142 across the way. It seems two of our girls found two of yours wandering in the woods in the middle of the night."

Jed ran to his daughter, scooping her up in one arm and comforting a visibly uncomfortable Angela with the other. "Are you guys okay?"

Angela nodded. "We're sorry. We were just going to the bathroom."

The girls had been given dry clothes and sweaters by the other troop, but their appearance clearly reflected the stressful night. Ellie's blonde curls were messy and awkward while Angela's dark tresses fell into a tangled mess around her shoulders. Their eyes were puffy from their tears and a small red bump dotted Ellie's chin from where she fell into the mud. 

"We wanted to bring them back earlier, but it was too dark and since they didn't know the way..." the woman explained.

Shelly raised her hand, apologetically. "That's perfectly understandable. I wouldn't expect you to search for us in the dark. Thank you for bringing them back this morning. I hope they weren't much trouble."

"None at all. They were scared more than anything."

"What happened?" Shelly asked the girls.

"It was my fault," Ellie confessed. "I wanted to look at the stars and we got lost."

There were many ways to fuel Jed's temper. Blatantly disregarding the rules in potentially dangerous situations was definitely one of them. "What the HELL were you thinking?" he asked his daughter. Ellie didn't respond. "Ellie?"

"I don't know," she said softly.

"You could have gotten yourself and Angela seriously hurt! Do you have ANY idea how LUCKY you are that you were found by another troop?" 

All the pent-up adrenaline that galvanized Jed's panic only moments earlier was unleashed in his tone. He had temporarily forgotten that he wasn't alone with his daughter. 

"Okay, I think we should talk about this later," Shelly suggested as the other girls began to gather around. "Ellie and Angela need to change so we can get the clothes back to Troop 142."

Reluctant to further upset her father, Ellie looked to Jed for permission. He nodded. "Make sure you dress warmly. Both of you."

Shelly smiled at Jed's concern as she led the girls towards their tent. "Once you get into your own clothes, we'll all gather around the fire and have some hot chocolate while we review the rules, okay?" 

After Ellie and Angela disappeared inside the tent, the other parents shuttled the girls to the circle around the fire. Shelly watched them get settled then turned to face Jed. 

"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have lost my cool like that. It's just that she scared me to death, you know? Her disappearing like that...I can't even stand to think about what could have happened."

"But it didn't. She's here and she's safe. Jed, you're training to be an assistant leader. If you want to run this troop, you're going to have to separate Ellie, the Girl Scout from Ellie, your daughter."

"That's easier said than done, especially when she behaves this way. She's never done this before. Maybe she thought she could get away with it this time because I'm here." 

"Why would you think she would misbehave because she has a parent on the trip?"

"Not just a parent. Me. She wouldn't have pulled this stunt if Abbey was with her. She doesn't always listen to everything I say, but she does exactly what Abbey says. She never tests the limits with her." His anger dissipated rather quickly. Now, he just sounded sad and defeated.

"I don't know much about your relationship with your daughter, but I do know that Ellie is an extremely intelligent, respectful young girl. She's never given me the slightest bit of trouble in the past. So she had a lapse in judgment just this once. It happens."

"That lapse in judgment was pretty serious, don't you think?"

"Of course it was and, usually, I would have the girls sent home for something like this."

"But?"

"But they spent at least some portion of the night in the woods, cold and afraid and it's obvious they're remorseful. This is nothing that can't be fixed with a reminder of what can happen out there."

"You're telling me to let it go," Jed surmised despite the unspoken words. 

"I would never tell a parent how to raise his child. As a troop leader, I'm making a suggestion based on my own experience. If you act too much like Ellie's father and not enough like her leader while you're in charge of the troop, Girl Scouts won't be as fun for her anymore."

"You think so." It wasn't a question.

"Tell me this. If it was Angela and Susie who wandered off, instead of Angela and Ellie, and they came back, apologizing and promising this would never happen again, would you have reasoned with them instead of losing your temper?"

"Probably," Jed replied. "But when it's Ellie, it's the father in me talking, not the leader."

"When my daughter was in this troop, we had a motto - what happens in Girl Scouts, stays in Girl Scouts. I treated her just as I would any other Scout. When we got home, I was her mother. When we were here, I was her leader. Just something to think about."

Jed did think about it. Deep down, he knew that Shelly was right. That was the only way this arrangement was going to work. The entire point of helping with Ellie's troop was so Ellie wouldn't miss out on the fun of Scouting while Shelly took maternity leave. If that meant he'd have to learn to look at Ellie differently during camping trips, activities, and meetings, then, for her sake, he'd have to train himself to do just that. 

He leaned against a tree in front of the girls' tent and waited quietly. Ellie poked her head through the flaps, made contact with him, and ducked back in. "Ellie," he called out to her. "Ellie, come out."

She slowly snuck out, standing still on the wooden plateau in front of the flaps. Her head hung low as she timidly opened her mouth. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Jed replied in a softer voice. "But I wasn't going to talk to you about that. We'll have that discussion with everyone else around the campfire."

"We will?" 

"Yeah. What I was going to say is that I'm not mad at you. I'm just so INCREDIBLY happy to see you." He returned her smile and for several seconds, both remained silent, unsure how to proceed. "And, also, since Shelly didn't mention anything about the grown-ups having hot chocolate, may I have a sip of yours?"

Ellie nodded. "And a marshmallow if you want!"

"All that before breakfast?" Jed teased. He pressed his index finger to his lips and used his other hand to help Ellie down. "Shhh, don't tell Mom."

TBC


	5. On My Honor

Abbey quietly crept down the stairs. Her hand glided along the wooden banister and curved slightly when she hit the bottom landing and noticed the light in the kitchen. As she approached, she tugged at her waist to tighten her robe around the red satin pajama top and bottom set she wore underneath. 

"Leo?" Surprised, she stopped briefly after poking her head around the entrance.

A startled Leo looked at her from his seat at the round oak table in front of the windows. In his hand, he held a glass of Scotch and repeatedly shook it in his palm. "Did I wake you?"

"No. I couldn't sleep so I came down for some warm milk. Why are you up?"

"Same," he replied. "The couldn't sleep part. Not the warm milk."

She took note of his drink as she reached for a pan and retrieved a carton of milk from the fridge. "How many of those have you had?" 

"It's my second one." And with that obvious lie, he changed the subject. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad. The itchiness has pretty much gone away. I'm just waiting for all the blisters to heal so I can go on with my life without spreading it to my patients and my two youngest daughters."

"Any idea what time Jed and Ellie get back tomorrow?"

"No, but it'll probably be late-morning. These camping trips generally end first thing Sunday." 

"I don't know much about it. When Mal was in Scouts, Jenny went with her once and, unfortunately, I was working when they got home."

"Working on Sunday?"

"On Sunday," he confirmed.

"I didn't know Mallory was in Scouts. You guys never mentioned it."

"It didn't last long. She did it three years ago when she was 5, for about two months. She was a..." his failed attempt to search for the name finally ended with, "...a Dew Drop or something."

"A Daisy, Leo. She was a Daisy. That's the level before Brownies." Abbey initially laughed, but she had to admit she was grateful that Jed was more involved in his daughters' activities than Leo appeared to be.

"I told you I don't know much about it," He repeated. "Just one of my many flaws."

Every time she turned her head in his direction, Abbey stared at the half-empty bottle sitting beside him. She couldn't bring herself to broach the subject directly. "I want to thank you, again, for flying out to stay with me while Jed was gone. I know I'm not the world's best patient."

"Eh, you're a doctor. I expected it." He flashed her that famous McGarry grin. 

"I will dismiss that response and assume that crack was the result of the late hour and that you would never make a stereotypical and, by the way, false accusation towards those in my profession because I know that you know that the shyster jokes are just on the tip of my tongue."

"Duly noted," Leo said with a chuckle. "My apologies."

"Seriously, though, I don't think Lizzie could have handled me by herself."

"Are you kidding? She and I could barely handle you between the two of us. Several times I was tempted to tape your wrists together to stop you from scratching." 

"You would have really had a fight then," Abbey grumbled, returning the pan to the stove after pouring the contents into her mug. She stepped towards the table and took a seat across from Leo. "You like it here, don't you? You feel comfortable?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"We love having you. Last year, when you, Jenny, and Mallory came to visit, we told you to make yourself at home. I told you that again this time." 

"Yeah." Leo tried to follow her train of thought, though suspicious of where she was headed.

"So why don't you?"

"Why don't I what?"

"I told you to help yourself to the liquor cabinet and the wine cellar if you wanted a drink. You never once asked me for the key to either one." 

"I'm fine, Abbey."

She leaned in towards him, following his gaze to the bottle of Scotch. "I suspect you bought that when you stepped out a little while ago. It's half empty. So, I'm asking again. How many of those have you had?"

Their eyes met and in one, chilly second, Abbey realized she had asked a question Leo was unwilling to answer. She wrapped her hands around her mug, her fingers barely meeting at the tips. Leo squirmed around uncomfortably as he inhaled a deep breath and curled his bottom lip.

"So," he finally said. "Did Jenny call you?"

Abbey shook her head. "What's going on, Leo?"

"Same old fight. I'm spending too much at the office, she says. I try to tell her that I'm doing the best I can. Even after all these years, I'm still building my practice. It's hard work. It's time-consuming. It takes a lot of patience, a lot of understanding on her part, but all she wants to focus on is that I'm not home in time for dinner."

It was a familiar scenario. "There were times when I thought Jed and I would never make it through my residency for exactly the same reason."

"How did he adapt?"

"I don't think he has really. We still argue about it from time to time. But I know where he's coming from and he knows there's no other place I'd rather be than home with him and the girls. So, we generally make up after a few minutes of bickering and we wait for the next time I get called in or the next time I end up working an extra shift we hadn't planned for."

"It doesn't seem to be working for me and Jenny."

"What's happening right now?"

"Nothing. When I left, she drove me to the airport, kissed me goodbye, and that was that." Yet another lie. "But I know we'll just repeat the cycle when I get home."

"You want me to talk to her?" Abbey had no doubt that Jenny would help her decipher the riddles and get to the root of the problem.

"NO!" Leo snapped. "No, that would do more harm than good. I'm only telling you to explain why tonight, I needed this." He raised his glass, the clinking ice cubes watering his mouth as he offered his weak excuse.

"Is it just tonight? I remember when Jenny was pregnant with Mal, she went to Jed because she thought you might have a problem."

"She was wrong. I told Jed that. I rarely drink, Abbey and when I do, I don't get drunk. In fact, before tonight, I hadn't had a glass of Scotch or anything else in two months. Every now and then, the stress gets to me so I indulge in a glass or two to relax. It's my warm milk."

Abbey's eyes glossed over her own drink and after several minutes of silence between them, she looked back up with a reassuring smile. "If you decide that you want me to talk to Jenny..."

"I don't think so, but thank you." He couldn't allow her to talk to Jenny because Jenny knew the truth, a truth that Leo had yet to admit. 

He hated himself for that. Lies to himself were one thing. Lies to a friend were quite another. Long nights, like this one, usually opened a floodgate of regret for Leo. He'd toss and turn in bed, his thoughts dominated by his lies. He had become so good at lying. Excuses born out of anxiety rarely convinced other people, but it never changed because his denial wasn't only to others. 

He had mastered this persona long ago - the ambitious husband struggling with the time constraints of a demanding career while fighting to keep a peaceful balance in his fractured marriage. He knew it would bring him more sympathy than suspicion, especially from someone like Abbey. Perhaps if he was sober, he'd have had a harder time leading her down the deceptive path, but in his drunken state, Leo's darker angels had already won the battle with his conscience.

What he overlooked was the fact that she wasn't as gullible as his other inquisitors. His feeble explanation might have convinced them, but not Abbey. She sat back in her chair and examined his body language, his lack of eye contact since the initial probe, his shrinking stature, and the quivering lips every time he pressed his glass to his mouth. He could protest if he wanted to, but she wasn't buying it just because he did. 

"That's a standing offer," she said. "Calling Jenny. It might help."

Once again, he avoided her intruding stare. "Can we not talk about Jenny tonight? I'll deal with all of that when I get back home. But tonight..." He picked up the stack of cards beside him and shuffled them in his hands. 

Abbey cleared her place at the table and fetched the cards just as quickly as he dealt them. If this was how he wanted to pass the time, she would oblige. At least, until she was sure he was sober and thinking clearly. "Let's go."

Several hours and three separate card games later, the pair sat in a silent face-off. Abbey's eyes peeked over the top of five cards fanned appropriately over her mouth and nose. Leo's vision blurred as he squinted to get a decent read, but her ambiguous orbs didn't provide even a subtle hint about her next move. Finally, the side of her face crinkled slightly and he realized she was donning a superior smile. 

Behind her veil of cards, she muttered, "Go fish."

"I can't believe this is how we're spending our Saturday night." He reached into the pile for yet another card.

"We're out of options. There are only so many games you can play with two people and we've played them. Just be thankful I didn't feel this well last night. I would have made you watch Dallas with me."

"Good luck with that," he snickered.

"I get Jed to watch with me every week. He never complains."

"He does NOT watch that show." 

"Sure he does. I pretty sure he even likes it. I lost twenty bucks to him last year over who shot J.R. Ask him about it."

Leo shook his head in disbelief, but seconds later, he was overcome by a warmer, gentler feeling that abruptly transformed his expression. "You do that a lot? Watch TV together?"

"Well, it's not easy. It's actually quite difficult. My work schedule, his work schedule, PTA meetings, shuttling the kids around, and, of course, when the legislative session starts, all the time he spends in Concord makes it nearly impossible to sit down and enjoy some quality time together...but we try."

"Often?"

"As often as we can. I love cuddling up with him on the sofa or in our bed doing something as simple as watching television or reading together. Just knowing his warm body is there next to mine, his hand caressing my arm or my shoulder, it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel loved."

Suddenly, a wave of remorse washed over him as he thought about all the nights Jenny had been waiting up, probably with hopes of doing similar things. It didn't have to be a grand romantic gesture, but the simple things that Abbey mentioned would have meant the world to Jenny.

"You think Jenny would appreciate it as much as you do...just a quiet evening at home?"

"I think Jenny would appreciate anything that allows her to see you for more than five minutes at a time. Mallory too."

"I always assume she wants something big, that a night together has to entail dinner and dancing, the whole nine yards in order to make her happy."

"Jenny's never told me this, but I would bet that she just wants you. Some of my best memories of quality time between Jed and myself are times that we hadn't even planned - cooking dinner together in the kitchen because one or both of us had to work late, or reading the paper over morning coffee after sending Liz and Ellie off to school. Does Jenny even see you in the mornings?"

"Not often."

"Leo."

"I know."

The hours passed quicker as they settled on an agreeable topic of conversation. Thinking of solutions to his marital troubles was much easier than dwelling on the problem itself. 

Soon, the seconds that ticked loudly on the seven-foot Grandfather Clock in an adjacent room faded behind the echoing sound of laughter. Two old friends teasing each other as they reminisced about the past and joked about the future. By morning light, Leo and Abbey had fallen asleep at that round oak table. Leo leaned back against his chair, his head falling to the side while Abbey buried her face in an inviting cocoon shaped by her arms. So exhausted, neither even heard Lizzie bound down the steps. 

The teenager grabbed her basketball and headed outside. Dribbling as she approached the tall hoop Jed had bought for the end of the driveway in preparation for junior high tryouts, she stopped when she saw her father's car peak the top of the hill. 

"Well?" he shouted through his open window. "Show me what you got!"

Lizzie gave him a confident grin, then fired the ball. It rolled around the rim before bouncing off to the side. "Darn!"

"It's okay, you'll get it." Jed pulled into the driveway, parked, and helped Ellie out of the car.

"I already got it!" Liz protested. "That's why I went to basketball camp. I just keep missing now and then."

"We'll work on it. You won't miss during tryouts." Jed pulled his oldest daughter into a hug, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "How's your mom?"

"She was okay yesterday. She and Uncle Leo are still asleep at the kitchen table."

"Lizzie, I'm getting my Hiking Badge and Daddy's going to help us get our Space Exploration Badge!" Ellie interjected.

"That's great, El," she replied.

"The kitchen table?" Jed asked.

"Yeah. I think they were playing cards or something."

He left the girls and carried his bag, as well as Ellie's, inside the house. He didn't call out to them. Instead, he tiptoed into the kitchen, beaming with a smirk as he took in the sight of the cards sprawled out below Leo's hands. He removed Abbey's abandoned mug and Leo's Scotch glass, placing them next to the sink. The nearly empty bottle screamed for his attention, but he barely had time to inspect it when Leo began to stir. 

"Jed?" He swiped the cobwebs from his eyes as he sat up, awake and alert.

"Looks like you two had quite a night." Jed ditched the bottle in the trash.

"We barely slept. We were up until at least six."

"Abbey feeling okay?"

"Seems to be."

Jed stood behind his wife and leaned forward to whisper into her ear. "Good morning, Love."

"Mmmm?" Abbey slowly shifted.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in bed?" he prodded as he attempted to help her up. Glued to her seat, Abbey resisted.

"What time is it?"

"It's after 10, Sleeping Beauty." He pressed his lips to her cheek, provoking a smile as she returned his kiss.

"I missed you. Where's Ellie?"

"She's outside with Lizzie, telling her all about camping trip. I'm going to go get Zoey from your mom's." He turned his attention to Leo. "You wanna ride along?"

"Sure!"

Abbey sleepily raised her head, surprised that Leo was so jubilant and perky. "Aren't you tired?"

"I'm used to four hours of sleep a night," Leo responded.

"Well so am I, but when I'm not at the hospital, I'd prefer more."

"I'm functioning just fine." 

And he was. He leapt to his feet to get ready with such energy that it immediately gave Abbey pause. Leo's eyes weren't red, his head wasn't spinning, and he never even felt queasy, much less ill from his drinking. Against her assumptions, he was functioning as well as a normal person would - a normal person who hadn't consumed almost an entire bottle of Scotch the night before. 

She watched him carefully as he brushed by Jed and headed up to the shower. She figured that Jed didn't know, that he didn't smell the alcohol on Leo's breath, that Leo had probably gotten rid of the bottle before he returned. 

But Jed did know. He hadn't missed the clues. He just hadn't acknowledged them yet.

TBC


	6. On My Honor

In her short white terrycloth robe, Abbey walked across the hardwood floor of the master bedroom on her way to the three-mirrored Victorian vanity in the corner. She released her wet, springy curls from the towel on top of her head and delicately dabbed at the excess moisture on her face as she sat on the plush-cushioned cherry wood stool. 

"I'm just saying..." she called out to Jed who was still shaving in front of the bathroom sink. "I didn't get anywhere and I think it's your turn."

"I didn't realize we were taking turns here," he replied.

"You know what I mean."

He stepped out, wiping away the remnants of the water and shaving cream. "He's not one of our daughters, Abbey. This is Leo. He's a grown man with his own life, his own career, and his own family."

"I'm not asking you to lecture him, Jed. Just talk to him." She watched him reach for a sealed garment bag and head back to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. "Jed?"

"What?"

"Acknowledge that I just spoke to you."

"I heard you."

"And?"

"I'll think about it." 

Facing the mirror, Abbey ran a comb through her tangled tresses. "It's not that I'm saying he's an incompetent drunk. I'm saying he's on a dangerous road. I've never seen anyone drink that much without getting sick or, at the very least, feeling some affect of the alcohol the next day."

"I've been with him the last two days, Abbey. He hasn't had a drink since Saturday night."

"He spent most of the day yesterday with his Boston clients, so you don't know that. And even if it was true, being an alcoholic doesn't mean you drink every second of every day. It means that when you do drink, you overindulge."

"Thanks for the vocabulary lesson," he sarcastically replied.

She rolled her eyes, but ignored him. "What are you doing in there?"

"Changing."

"Why in private?" Jed had never been shy before. 

"Because." Slowly, he turned the knob and opened the door. Dressed in brown cotton trousers and a white-buttoned shirt with little specs of brown, he presented himself to her.

His swagger was slightly different. Different, yet unmistakably Jed Bartlet. The familiar glow radiated from his face, energizing each and every step as he modeled the outfit in half-turns in front of the armoire. It even added a bit of vulnerability to the way he stood still and waited for her approval, his curiosity so genuine that she couldn't help but resist a laugh in favor of a sweet smile. 

"That's your Brownie leader uniform?"

"Yeah, it looks okay, doesn't it?

"Better than okay." Her eyes wandered from his shoulders down to his toes as he strutted around the room. "You look like quite the outdoorsman."

"And check this out." He pulled on his shirt to reveal the brown embossed leather belt and silver-tone buckle. "Pretty nice, huh?"

"You know what's even nicer?"

"What's that?"

"You." She rose to her feet and pranced into his arms, immediately pushing aside a stubborn strand of hair that danced at his lashes. "I always love it when you're excited like this, but right now, I love it even more because I know how much it means to Ellie."

"It means a lot to me too. I had a lot of fun last weekend."

"I know. She told me all about the astronomy lesson and how you're going to help them earn their badge. You're a born teacher, Jed."

"Oh, Abbey, if you had seen their faces light up when we started talking about the stars...so full of life, so interested, so...I can't even describe it. It's the kind of thing that drew me to teaching in the first place." 

"It doesn't surprise me that they were hanging on to your every word. You're absolutely charming when you're teaching."

"Just when I'm teaching?" He leaned forward and kissed her perky pink lips, then backed out of her hold and turned around. "Seriously, though, this thing isn't too tight? I don't want to look ridiculous."

Her gaze fell to his rear and the loose-fitting material that hid his sexy curve. "No, it could definitely stand to be a little tighter."

He spun around to face her. "I have a feeling you're not looking objectively."

"I'm never objective when it comes to you, Darling." She stepped towards him, once again, trapping him into an embrace as she clasped her hands around his neck. "You're always incredibly handsome to me."

"Now you're just trying to butter me up."

"Is it working?" She grabbed the hands he tried to resist wrapping around her waist and mischievously placed them along her hips. 

"Like a charm." He pressed his lips to hers again and this time, she pushed her body into his until the backs of his knees hit the edge of the mattress and he was forced onto the bed. He reclined voluntarily, his playful yank inviting her to crawl on top of him.

"You'll talk to Leo?" she asked as her warm frame covered his and wet spirals of hair tickled his cheeks.

"You have a genuine mean streak in you, Abigail. You know I can't resist you like this."

Abbey frantically fingered the buttons on his shirt, snapping them apart as quickly as she could. Her palms invaded his flesh and little crescent indentations marked his chest as she circled around every pressure point that stirred the lust in his nether regions. "Why would you want to?"

Jed gasped as he surrendered to her manipulation and buried his head into the mattress, allowing her only a moment to roam his body. "Who said I wanted to?" 

"You were much more willing last night."

"Last night..." he trailed off as her hands covered the bulge in his pants. "Last night, you played fair, without ulterior motives."

"Are you accusing me of taking advantage of you?" She seductively kneaded the muscles around his erection.

He took a deep breath and composed himself long enough to catch Abbey by surprise. He grabbed her shapely hips and rolled them both to the side, positioning himself on top after the whirl. "I'm not complaining."

They squirmed to the middle of the bed so their feet were no longer dangling off the edge. She wrapped her legs around him and hooked her ankles at his rear as her hands pulled on his neck to lower his face to her lips. 

Jed's hot breath blasted through the drops of water that had trickled off her dark locks and on to her shoulders. Abbey spread a barrage of tender kisses across his cheeks as he maneuvered his way towards her ear. He stopped himself then. Relaxing a portion of his weight over her thighs, he raised his head to stare deep into her sparkling eyes.

"What?" 

He cleared the damp bangs that covered her forehead. Wet hair cascading around her makeup-free skin always brought out her natural glow. "Nothing. Your hair's wet and you're just so beautiful."

His mouth suddenly covered hers as his hands worked the robe that still sheltered her from full-fledged exposure. With one tug on the belt, it opened and she felt his clothed lower body rubbing against her naked skin. His head dipped into her shoulder, grinding against her voluptuous breasts. She returned every kiss, succumbed to every touch, her back arching as familiar moans escaped from deep within her lungs. 

His hands fell between their frames and nudged them apart as he unsuccessfully struggled to undo his belt, sitting up when it proved to be a futile attempt. Abbey entangled their fingers to help him release the buckle. Instantly captivated by the image engraved on the metal, her ragged breaths slowed to a deeper, more controlled rhythm. 

"Abbey?" Confused by her sudden pause, Jed remained still

"Sorry, it's just..." She slipped her thumb under the buckle. "It's a Girl Scout. You have a Girl Scout on your belt."

"It's my uniform." He glanced down at the profile that defined the official Girl Scout logo.

"Yeah, but it makes you look so...virtuous...and it's giving me the creeps."

"What?"

"I mean, in this position, what we're about to do...I'm saying I'd just prefer that right now, in this situation, you didn't have a Girl Scout on your belt."

"I'm getting rid of the belt." He pulled on the end, forcing it to tunnel through the loops around his waist. "Better?"

"Much." She held out her arms to him, but he hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"You're right. This whole outfit has just gotta go." 

"Jed, hurry up. We have to be quick."

"Isn't that my line?" He wiggled out of his pants, his sky blue boxers falling along with them. "Where were we?"

Abbey turned her head to give him better access to her neck as he continued the passionate assault down her body. Flipping the sides of the robe that was still snuggled around her, his hands slid under her hips and guided her up towards him. She defiantly resisted the urge, choosing instead to massage his anatomy with hers for a little longer. Sensing his patience rapidly declining, she relaxed in his arms and let him take the lead.

"What are you doing up, Pretty Girl? You wanna go downstairs with me?" Like a cold bucket of water, Lizzie's voice echoed through the room, startling both Jed and Abbey. 

His defenses already low, Jed collapsed on top of his wife, trembling with confusion at the sound that ravaged their intimate encounter. "What the hell was that?" 

"It's the baby monitor. She must be in Zoey's nursery," Abbey answered as she impatiently turned towards the nightstand and twisted the dial to lower the volume slightly. "There. Now where were we?"

"What if something happens?"

"It's not off. I just turned it down a little."

He took a much softer, gentler approach this time. The fire that fueled his desire had already been extinguished, leaving him to rebuild the momentum as he raced against the clock. He ran the tips of his fingers along her inner thighs, stopping at her center to invade the depths of her femininity. Just as he predicted, the moans that erupted from her sweet lips as she writhed beneath him, sweating in ecstasy, was enough to launch him on the path towards the climax they both needed. 

He banished everything else from his mind and leaned back to position himself, his fingers now anchoring her hips as her pulse raced in preparation for what was coming. 

"Are you bringing her downstairs, Liz?" Though quieter, Leo's voice was just as disturbing as Lizzie's had been. Jed tried to ignore it. His wavering concentration in jeopardy, he tightened his grasp on Abbey. 

"Lizzie, can I hold her?" Ellie asked.

"She's too heavy for you, El."

"You know what, I can't do it!" It was pointless. Defeated, Jed exhaled sadly and released his hold. 

"It's not going to happen."

"No, it's not. Not this morning." He fell to her side and adoringly wrapped her damp curls around his fingers as she cuddled up closer to him, their hearts beats lagging in frustration. 

"Hang on a sec." Abbey turned away from him, snatched the baby monitor off the nightstand, and hurled it at the wall before squirming into his arms again. "Okay."

"You should have thought of that 10 minutes ago." Jed winked at her.

Outside the door, Leo pressed his ear to the frame and knocked lightly. "Is everything okay in there?"

"Yeah," Jed called out to his friend. "We're fine, Leo."

"We heard a crash or something."

"Everything's fine. We'll be out soon." He locked eyes with Abbey. "Tonight?"

"Tonight," she confirmed as she lifted her head to steal another kiss.

Several minutes later, the duo made their way downstairs, Jed dressed in gray slacks and a royal blue dress shirt, the same color as Abbey's tight silk ribbed sweater that she wore with a pair of form-fitting black pants. Her sexy doctor pants, Jed called them as he admired the way they gripped the swells in her hips and followed a slim line down to her calves. 

He trailed just a step behind her, watching her closely as she sped up the pace and walked right past her usual detour - Zoey's nursery - just in time to interrupt the scene playing out downstairs. 

"El, after I pass to you, you pass to Uncle Leo, he'll throw to me and we'll race to the sink." Lizzie fired the ball towards her little sister, her eyes widening when her mother intercepted it.

"Let's not and say we did," Abbey looked sternly at herughter. "What did I tell you about basketball in the house?"

Lizzie sighed. "That the ball stays in my room and doesn't leave my hands until I'm outside."

"And you are..."

"Inside." Liz unclenched her teeth. "Okay, okay."

Smiling, Abbey tossed her the ball. "When I get home tonight, I'll play you."

"Really?" It didn't matter that Abbey really wasn't good at playing basketball or that her awkward throws always seemed to land anywhere except the basket. Liz just enjoyed spending time with her mother. 

"As long as you don't mind teaching me a few tricks."

"I don't mind at all!" 

Abbey had to admit she was touched by the way Lizzie's eyes lit up at the suggestion. Lizzie, herself, was surprised that a simple basketball game would make her so happy. It was something her teenaged friends didn't understand - quality time with Mom. But then, none of her friends had a doctor for a mother. 

Her marriage wasn't the only thing that felt the burden of Abbey's long hospital hours. Her relationship with her daughters occasionally suffered as well. 

"Mommy, will you play with me too?" Ellie tugged on Abbey's arm to get her attention. 

"I'll play you tomorrow night, Goldilocks. Tonight, you have a Scout meeting, don't you?"

"That's right," Jed interjected. "I need to get some use out of that uniform, so don't disappoint me and tell me we're not going."

"We're going," Ellie giggled. 

Feeling left out in her play pen, 21-month-old Zoey called for her father. "DADDY!"

"Oh, Sunshine, we didn't forget about you." Abbey reached for the baby before Jed could get to her. "Thanks for bringing her down, Lizzie."

"I didn't plan to, but when I checked on her, she stood up in her crib as soon as she saw me."

"Yes, we know." There was more than just a hint of irritation in Jed's response, provoking a laugh from Abbey.

"Zoey's just lucky to have a big sister who takes such good care of her." Abbey passed Zoey off to Jed when she extended her tiny arms towards him. "There you go. You get to be with Daddy while I start breakfast."

"Uncle Leo already made breakfast," Lizzie informed her. 

Jed and Abbey turned their attention to Leo. Standing in the corner of the room, he had purposely faded into the background as he observed the family interaction. "Just some eggs and toast."

"You didn't have to do that," Abbey responded.

"You guys were running late. I figured I could help out. I hope that's okay. I know you enjoy cooking together."

"Today, cooking probably would have been a disaster because of the time, so thank you. That was very nice, especially since it's my first day back at work after a week of the chicken pox."

"Yeah, way to get her out of the house faster." Jed lightheartedly confronted Leo. "If I needed your help, I would have asked for it."

Leo grinned. "Like you ever ask anyone for help."

"Ignore him, Leo. He's just cranky because he didn't get what he wanted this morning." Abbey led them towards the kitchen table.

"And why is that?" Jed challenged, pulling up a chair directly across from her. "I'll tell you why..."

"Honey." Abbey tilted her head towards Lizzie and Ellie, each sitting beside Jed, and Zoey, still cradled in his arms. "Maybe you want to put Zoey in her high chair?"

"She doesn't like her high chair. She likes it when I hold her." Jed cherished the fact that Zoey was Daddy's little girl. She was as attached to him as Lizzie was when she was a baby. As attached as Ellie was to Abbey. As attached as he wished Ellie had been to him.

"I know she likes it when you hold her, but it's harder for you to eat that way."

"I'll be fine, won't I, Zoey?" All it took was one look for Zoey to smile at him. "Was this how Mallory was with you?"

"All the time," Leo answered. "When she was a baby, I couldn't go anywhere without her or else she'd throw a tantrum."

"Sounds like Lizzie," Abbey replied. "That's exactly how she was when Jed was in grad school. I was the one home with her all day, but she belonged to him."

"When did I grow out of it?" Lizzie asked.

"You haven't," both Jed and Abbey responded. Ellie gave her mother a silent look of support. 

"They always have their favorites." Leo's laugh changed abruptly. His smile turned into a frown and he quickly lowered his head to his plate. "Mallory grew out of it, that's for sure. She's one-hundred percent Jenny's now." 

Abbey turned an expressive eye towards her husband. He caught the signal immediately. "Leo, what time are you going to be done with your client?"

"Early afternoon probably."

"We haven't spent much time together. I'll be home around four and Ellie and I aren't leaving until 5:30. We'll catch up over dinner?"

"That depends. Are you cooking?" 

"Yes." Jed glared at him.

"Is he any good?" Leo asked Abbey.

"Compared to me? What do you think?" 

Under the table, Jed pinched her foot with his toes. "I'm a gourmet chef compared to you."

"Eh, I'll give him a chance," Leo agreed. "He has to be better at it than I am."

"How high is that bar?" Abbey teased, amused by the disgruntled look Leo shot her way. 

"I'm beginning to understand why Jed enjoys giving you a hard time."

"I knew you would," Jed replied with the triumphant smirk he directed at his wife. "Everyone comes around to my side eventually."

The breakfast table discussion buzzed from topic to topic. From Jed and Abbey's trivial banter to Lizzie's basketball tryouts to Ellie's ideas for her Space Exploration Badge to Zoey's check-up which was quickly approaching, Leo involved himself as much as possible. Seemingly upbeat, his cheery disposition was enough to alleviate Jed's concern, at least temporarily. 

It wasn't until hours later that it hit him. Jed returned home, ready to broach the sensitive conversation in hopes of offering help and support. He prepared dinner by himself and set the kitchen table for Liz and Ellie while he waited for Leo in the formal dining room, a more private, appropriate setting for what Jed had in mind. 

As the minutes passed without any sign of Leo, it became obvious he wouldn't make it home before Ellie's Scout meeting. Perhaps he was just running late, Jed thought. Or maybe he was caught in the relentless rush-hour traffic between Boston and Manchester. Maybe the case that had lured him out of Chicago was more complicated than he originally explained. 

Or maybe it was something else.

Jed used every excuse as a reprieve, desperately searching for a reason as to why he hadn't heard from Leo. But, eventually, even Jed had to chip away at the stubborn optimism that skewed his judgment. A few calls to Leo's Boston office went unanswered. Not because he wasn't there, but because, as Jed finally realized, avoidance wasn't just a character flaw of his. It was also one of Leo's.

 

TBC


	7. On My Honor

"So, are we ready for a vote?"

Jed had uttered those words numerous times over the past several years. Usually, the faces staring back at him were strong and serious, defined by the self-proclaimed righteousness that came from fighting a political fight that, at times, was neither easy nor popular.

But this vote was different. The hardened expressions of his colleagues were gone, so as he stood beside an easel in front of the long, black tables that were positioned in an enclosed rectangle in the center of the room, he glanced at the eight Girl Scouts who sat in front of him. They turned to each other, each with her own unique expression of youthful determination as they wordlessly contemplated their options, then looked at their leader and gave a unanimous nod. 

"I just want to tell you one more time that if we do this, it's going to require an awful lot of work on your part."

"That's okay, Mr. Bartlet! It'll be fun!" Susie replied, her enthusiasm quickly spreading to her fellow Scouts. 

"All right then. Whoever wants to put on the star show, raise your hands."

Every hand shot right up before he even finished his sentence. Of the six task choices for the Space Exploration badge, the troop was required to pick four. The first three hadn't surprised him, but this one would challenge them in a way many of them hadn't been challenged before. 

It would demand a great deal of creativity for each girl to construct a miniature model of the solar system or to create a pattern of stars to depict her own constellation. He wasn't concerned about that, for he had already witnessed the incredible blend of vivid imaginations and immeasurable aptitude among this group. He was worried about what came next - the presentation each girl was required to give to an interactive audience of parents and peers.

His apprehension obvious in the small steps he took towards her, Jed waited until after the meeting to approach Ellie. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah! It'll be fun, just like Susie said!" The ordinarily quiet little girl was pumped with adrenaline.

"You're absolutely sure? Because if you're not, we can look at the other options. If we go with this one, you're going to have to get up and introduce your project to the audience and they'll ask you questions about it."

Ellie curled her lips, thinking carefully over what he was saying. She smiled then and aimed her twinkling eyes at her father. "That's okay! I like to talk about the stars. Maybe I'll even tell them the story of Na-Gah and the North Star!"

"I think they'd love to hear it." 

Though shocked by her eagerness, Jed didn't question her further. Years ago, he learned that while Ellie wasn't as outgoing as her big sister, she was every bit as intelligent. He embraced her shy and reserved personality with as much love as he had always shown his daughters, but now she was throwing him a curve ball. In a gesture that clearly delighted him, she was willing to cast aside her inhibitions and prove to everyone else just how talented she was. 

"I already know what I wanna build too! I wanna make it like a planetarium and I wanna put the stars on the wall."

"I think we can work on that."

"Uh uh! I wanna do it by myself!"

"Okay." He was amused by the excitement that amplified her usually soft voice.

"And I wanna show the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and I want them to move just like they do in real life and I want the North Star to stand still!"

"Looks like you have your work cut out for you, Galileo."

"Huh?"

Chuckling, he proudly took her hand and led her out the door. "I'll explain it in the car."

A spirited Ellie verbally mapped out her plans on the ride home, her energy so infectious that every word piqued Jed's interest. There were limitless possibilities for what she wanted to accomplish, but since she wanted this to be her own personal effort, he summoned the strength to bite his tongue and merely offer a few suggestions. 

The only pause in the conversation came as they neared the long, winding driveway of the farm and took note of the basketball game that was still in progress. Abbey, dressed in her black work slacks as if she had been bombarded before even reaching the house, seemed to be in control. Lizzie darted behind her, gasping in frustration when Abbey landed a basket. 

"What do you think now?" Abbey teased Liz, her gaze following Jed's car as he pulled in.

"I think you can't do it twice," Lizzie's hands shot out to retrieve the dribbling ball from her mother. 

"Is that a dare?" Abbey surrendered the ball to pick up a toddling Zoey. She held the baby above her head, pointing her towards the basket so she could throw her nerf ball through the net. "Very good, Zoey!"

Feeling the pride in her mother's voice, Zoey twisted to face Abbey as she clapped for herself. "I do it!"

"Yes, you did do it and you did a great job!"

"I bet you could even beat Mom, Zo." Liz giggled at the disgruntled look from her mother.

Abbey lowered Zoey to the ground and squinted her eyes at her oldest daughter. She took a deep breath, then accepted the challenge. "If I get it in, you have to wear what I pick out for you on picture day."

"As long as you pick out an outfit I like." 

"The point is, Baby Doll, to pick out an outfit I like. It's my choice." 

Confident in Abbey's astonishing ability to miss the basket most of the time, Liz agreed. "And if you don't get it in, you have to let me take a date to the eight grade autumn dance."

"A date?" The ball bounced right out of Abbey's hands. "What date?"

Lizzie shrugged. "There's this boy Jeff. Lauren said he might ask me to go with him."

"You're too young to date."

"But it's not like a date date. You and Daddy can drive us and then you can pick us up."

"Absolutely not!" Jed's voice came bellowing from several feet away. He slammed the car door and walked around to the other side to help Ellie with the box of cupcakes she was carrying. 

"Dad!" Liz whirled around to face her father.

"You're 13 years old. That's too young to start dating."

"Says who?"

"The law."

"It does not."

"Well, it should." A smile curved the ends of his lips.

"Mommy!" Ellie interjected. "I'm gonna make a star show for my Space Explorer badge!"

"A star show? How exciting! I can't wait to hear all about it!"

Lizzie folded her arms in front of her chest. "I just don't understand why I can't hang out with Jeff at the dance. It isn't like we're going to drive there ourselves."

Jed playfully yanked her hand, dropping it to her side. "You're so much fun to tease." 

"Dad!"

"Your mother and I will talk about it," he assured her. "But right now, do me a favor and help Ellie."

"In the middle of our game?"

"She's got cupcakes," he whispered.

"Oh." That changed everything. "Okay, then. Let's go inside, El."

"I GO TOO!" Zoey insisted, holding out her arms and wobbling behind her older sisters just as fast as her little feet could take her. 

"She hates to be left out," Abbey laughed.

"Yeah." Jed eyed the ball Abbey was now cradling in her arm. In one swift motion, he pounded on it and forced it to slam against the ground, claiming it on the first rebound. 

"Feel better?"

"Much." He tossed it to her after making a basket. 

"Leo called. He should be back any minute now. I guess that means you didn't get to talk to him before Ellie's meeting."

"He never showed." Jed looked up when Abbey didn't respond. He knew that stare. He recognized the concern that provoked it. "Are you gonna play or are you gonna psychoanalyze me?"

"Both sound like fun." Abbey turned slightly and threw the ball towards the basket. It hit the rim before bouncing back into Jed's clutches. "I knew I should have psychoanalyzed you."

"You wouldn't have had any better luck." Jed's laugh was cut short. His smile faded and his posture tensed as he heard the sound of moving gravel behind him.

"Leo's home." 

"Yeah."

"I'm going to go check Lizzie's homework and get Ellie ready for her bath." This was a conversation Jed needed to have in private. Abbey figured it was the only way Leo would open up, so with a tender kiss to her husband's cheek, she left. 

Jed dribbled towards the basket, but made no attempt to shoot it into the hoop. He enjoyed the smooth, steady rhythm of the ball repeatedly hitting the pavement, the predictable feel of the synthetic leather against his hand each time it rose up to meet another smack. In this form, the ball commanded his attention and gave him an excuse to avoid locking eyes with Leo.

"Hi." Leo called out to him after parking the car.

"Hey."

"Sorry about earlier. My thing with my client ran over and I lost track of time."

Jed nodded. "It's okay."

Noticing Jed's refusal to share a glance, Leo tilted his head to the side. "You playing solo or can anyone get in on this game?" 

He passed the ball. "Your shot."

"Everything okay?" Leo asked as he fired the ball and caught it below the net. 

"Of course. There's just this thing...it's kind of stupid."

"I just put in a 10-hour workday. I could stand to hear something that's kind of stupid."

Jed intercepted his throw and jumped to dunk it into the basket. "I'm worried about a friend of mine who doesn't think I have reason to worry."

"Maybe you don't."

"Abbey thinks I do." 

Leo dribbled in place, his feet glued to the ground as he made another shot. "Abbey's not always right."

"Most of the time, though, she is, especially about stuff like this." Jed allowed Leo to retrieve the ball and for the first time, he looked right into his eyes. "Have you had anything to drink today?"

The echo of the ball bouncing against the ground came to an abrupt stop. Leo stood still, cutting himself off mid-stride and staring at his friend with such intensity that Jed mentally cowered to the intimidating glare.

"No," he answered. "I haven't. Like I said, I've been at work all day."

"Okay."

"Or do you think I'd be dumb enough to drink while I'm working?" Obviously irritated, Leo's voice was strong and unyielding. He had long ago perfected the tone that would thwart suspicion.

"It was just a question."

"And I gave you an answer. If you don't believe me, break out the breathalyzer."

His head hanging low, Jed gazed up through his long, dark lashes. Leo sounded genuinely hurt by the implication. It never occurred to him that a man he thought he knew so well had become so good at psychological combat. "I believe you." 

With a big sigh of relief, Leo let the ball fall from his hold. "I'm sorry, Jed. I'm sorry about that. Really. It's just been a long day." 

"That bad?" Jed relaxed as the tension slowly seeped from his body.

"Some of it. But, hey, did Abbey tell you about me and Jenny?"

"She mentioned it."

The easiest way to ward off uncomfortable questions was to answer them before they were asked. "Nothing to worry about on that front. Jenny and I had a long talk over the phone today and we're back on-track. She can't wait to see me tomorrow night."

"I thought you were staying until Friday."

"Nah, I changed the ticket. I miss Jenn and Mal." 

That was the Leo he knew and loved. Suddenly convinced that everything would be okay, Jed tossed him the ball. "Well, that's about the best thing you could have said." 

Leo's hands sprang into action. "Hey, what's with your outfit?" 

"It's my Scout uniform," Jed replied tersely as he admired his brown pants.

"Mind if I get a picture?"

"Throw the ball." The ball bounced off the rim and back into Jed's hands. "You're jealous, Pal. You're jealous that I'm an outdoorsman and you're not."

"Yeah, that's why I'm jealous all right. You know me so well."

"One-on-one. Right now."

Leo tugged on the sleeves of his jacket, slipping it off his shoulders and letting it fall to the ground. "You're on."

With a grin so wide that it narrowed his eyes into two tiny slits, Jed took his first shot and for an hour that night, the gap between him and Leo had closed. It was as if they had regressed to an earlier time, a time when their relationship hadn't been tainted by dishonesty. It wouldn't last, of course, but for Leo, those sixty minutes filled him with the kind of warmth and security he'd been missing for the last ten years. 

He let down his guard long enough to consider baring his soul. "You know, I keep thinking about what you said before."

"Which part?"

He wanted to tell Jed so badly that he was drowning in the unrelenting waves that were suffocating him every second of every day. "I..." But he couldn't. Instead, he shook his head and dribbled the ball. "Nothing. I was just going to make fun of your uniform again."

"Watch it."

"I thought better of it. Now come on, lets finish our game so I can tell Abbey the good news about me and Jenny."

Perhaps the most dangerous part of Leo's addiction was that it forced him to become a master manipulator. Predicting one's behavior was necessary since he planned to influence it. No one was immune to his deception. Not Abbey, who believed him when he said the problems between him and Jenny weren't serious. Not Jed, who trusted that he had talked to his wife on the phone that evening. Not even Leo, when he convinced himself that he changed his plane ticket because he missed his family, instead of admitting he was scared of getting caught in his web of lies.

In those rare moments that he was able to peak above the denial, he'd admit that alcohol didn't just alter his behavior when he was drunk. It changed his personality when he was sober as well. He wasn't a conniving man, insensitive to the needs and wants of the woman he loved, undisturbed by the concerns of his oldest and dearest friend. Somewhere inside, he was still the same Leo, but on the surface, he had relinquished the independent, selfless part of himself. He was just a puppet now, controlled exclusively by his disease. 

As the Bartlets went to bed that night and Leo made himself comfortable in the guest bedroom, he felt a twinge of regret for what he was doing - to Abbey, to Jed, to Mallory, and to Jenny. He lowered his face into his hands and cried soft, quiet tears as he struggled with the hurt that raged within him. 

Then, just like every night before, he reached inside his suitcase and pulled out his favorite bottle of scotch cloaked in the veil of a brown paper bag. He may drink in front of others, but he would get drunk in private. He relished the click of the locks as they unsnapped, opening his briefcase to reveal the silver flask he always kept hidden below a mountain of legal contracts and paperwork.

This would help him feel better, he told himself. But he wasn't stupid. He knew it would offer him a temporary reprieve and tomorrow, when the sun began to set and the high wore off, he'd need another crutch. It wouldn't be the counseling Jenny urged him to get. It wouldn't be the help he knew he needed. 

Undoubtedly, the next crutch would come in the form of a new bottle and a fresh glass. 

 

TBC


	8. On My Honor

Zoey Bartlet sat on the examination table and held up a large puzzle piece directly in front of her eyes. With her thin, light brows arched to the middle of her forehead and her pouty lips parted, she twirled it around her fingers. It didn't seem to fit. The other pieces she slid into place with natural ease, but this one was too big for the snug opening she was drawn to in the corner of the board. 

"Try it on this side, Sweetheart." Abbey directed her daughter's hand by guiding her wrist towards a more suitable breach in the Barbie portrait she was slowly creating. 

"Don't help her. She can do it by herself." Jed stood back in the corner, his arms folded in front of him as he proudly watched.

"She was confused."

"Yeah, but she'll figure it out. She's incredibly smart." His smile widened with joy as Zoey looked at her father and giggled. 

"That doesn't mean I don't want to help her when she gets into trouble."

"I just want to see her do it herself. That's all I'm saying." 

"Okay, next time, you can stand there silently while she struggles..." She trailed off, her attention turning to the doctor who just entered the room.

A clipboard in her hand, Dr. Koglin approached Zoey. "You're just a miracle baby, aren't you?"

"The tests?" Abbey asked as Jed snuck up behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist for support. 

"All perfectly normal. Her motor skills are just fine. It looks like she's developing exactly as she should be."

In just two months, Zoey would celebrate her second birthday, one that doctors initially warned she may never see. Since the moment she was born, every day presented a challenge. From the poking and prodding she faced in the NICU to the repeated doctor's visits and tests to detect any signs of the possible learning disabilities the neonatologists feared might plague her after she was released, she hadn't known a moment's privacy.

Though her future looked brighter with each and every month that passed, it was these frequent check-ups at Darthmouth-Hitchcock that Jed and Abbey dreaded. The appointments usually left them stressed and anxious while waiting for results of a battery of tests, knowing that just as quickly as their concerns were eased, they'd have to prepare themselves for the next exam. 

Despite the glimmer of relief this time, Jed wanted more. "Any chance she's ahead of where she should be? I mean, I know kids are bright, but Zoey seems to be really advanced, don't you think?"

Abbey chuckled at her husband's unrelenting insistence that his daughter was simply superior. He had done the same thing with Ellie and Lizzie, so it didn't surprise her that he was doing it with Zoey. "Jed's convinced we're raising three geniuses."

Dr. Koglin nodded with a laugh of her own. "Well, it's too early to tell if Zoey's actually a genius, but lets just say that based on how far she's come, it wouldn't surprise me if someday you found out she was."

"See that? I told you." Jed patted Abbey's back. "This doctor knows what she's talking about! We should have brought Liz and Ellie with us."

"We'll have them all tested next time," Abbey joked. 

His face lit with confidence, Jed scooped Zoey up into his arms and ran his finger along her face to clear her eyes of the strawberry blonde strand of hair that fell over her forehead. "Mommy's making fun of me, but that's okay because now, she has to admit that I was right and that her perfect little baby is going to grow up to be a genius in the most literal sense of the word."

"I never denied that Zoey took after me."

"Ah, now you want the credit."

"I always wanted the credit, Babe. I just wasn't as vocal about it as you were."

They left the exam room together, Abbey's hand gently tucked in the crook of Jed's arm as he held Zoey against his chest. Another round of tests was only sixty days away and soon they'd have to confront the same uncertainty all over again, but for now, Zoey was normal and healthy and nothing could taint the family's celebratory mood. 

Almost nothing.

"Abbey!" 

Abbey turned sharply to greet her colleague. "Mark, hi!" 

"Good to see you, Mark." Jed held out his hand to shake Mark's. 

"You too, Jed." He cupped Zoey's chin to get a good look at the smiling toddler. "And it's especially nice to see this little cutie again." 

Dr. Mark Allen had been a close friend and professional confidante of Abbey's since she began her residency. As a pediatrician, his path rarely crossed hers during shifts, but the off-time usually allowed them the opportunity to catch up. Sometimes, it was during a rare lunch break at the hospital. Other times, Jed and Abbey would double with Mike and his partner for a private dinner.

"She just had another check-up today," Abbey informed him.

"And?"

"Clean bill of health."

"I'm so glad to hear that." 

Jed gave him an appreciative smile. "You know, just the other night, Abbey and I were saying it's been ages since we had you and Kevin over."

"Yeah, we'll have to get together soon, maybe when things quiet down around here." Though sincere in his reply, Mark's voice held a hint of hesitation. 

"Is something the matter?"

"I wanted to get your opinion about something, but I don't want to ruin this day for you."

"Don't be silly. What's up?"

"I know you're not on-duty today, but Dr. Greer isn't here at the moment and I have a patient who could use another opinion right away."

"I'm not a pediatrician."

"I don't need a pediatrician. I need an expert in thoracic medicine. I need you. It's for a consult about a possible lung biopsy."

Abbey looked at Jed with no small amount of apprehension. He always hated the part of her career that could tear her away at a moment's notice, but this time, he simply grinned at her and nodded. "It's fine. We'll wait for you in the cafeteria."

"It might take a while," Mark warned.

"Jed, why don't you take Zoey home? It's almost time for her nap anyway. I'll grab a ride with one of the other residents going to Manchester tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be off in a couple of hours," Mark replied. "I can bring her home."

"Don't forget, we're taking Leo to the airport tonight."

"I know. I'll do the best I can to be there."

"Okay." Jed grabbed Zoey's wrist to help her wave. "Say bye to Mommy, Zoey." 

Abbey kissed her daughter and watched as she and Jed walked away, listening for Zoey's girlish snickers that could be heard all the way down the hall when Jed lifted her above his head and straddled her around his neck.

"She just loves that."

"Yeah." Mark's somber tone immediately caught Abbey's attention. 

"Mark?"

"The patient I need you to see is a little girl, Abbey."

She followed him through the corridor that led to the hospital's pediatric wing. "How old?"

"She's ten. I don't know if she's strong enough for a biopsy, but I'm out of options."

"What's wrong with her?" Abbey found it difficult to keep up with his hurried pace. 

"She's a sweet kid and she's already been through so much, more than most adults have."

"Like what?"

"A few years ago she almost died after an appendectomy." Mark swung open the double doors and waited for her to catch up.

"Lots of kids have appendectomies. They don't usually die from them."

"Something went wrong...lots of internal bleeding. She needed a transfusion. It was touch and go for a while there, but she pulled through and now she's sick again and this time, I don't know for sure what's wrong with her."

"What's the problem now? What about her lungs?"

"I don't know. I'm worried...I mean, really worried...I'm worried that she has it." He stopped walking, pulling on her hand to stop her as well. He faced her before he repeated himself. "IT, Abbey."

Abbey stared at him quizzically before it fully registered what 'it' meant. "PCP?" 

"Yeah." 

With a sharp intake of breath, she muttered, "Oh God." Her hand instinctively reached for her collar. She tugged on it, an obvious sign of her uneasiness. "How?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm hoping for a fresh perspective. Maybe I'm missing something." His brows furrowed and it was painfully clear that his optimism was fading fast. "I need your help."

"Where is she?"

"Follow me." Mark summoned his strength to pull himself together long enough to paint a smile across his face and ensure his voice echoed a cheerful sound before opening the door to a room across the hall. "How are we today?"

"Maybe better. My chest still hurts." It was a soft, fragile whisper, spoken from the ten-year-old's bed as her mother tenderly brushed her long, golden locks of hair. 

"We'll get you something to lessen the pain. In the meantime, Megan, I have a special visitor here to see you. This is Dr. Bartlet."

"Hi, Megan." Years of medical training hadn't made Abbey immune to a sight like this. She leaned against the girl's bed rails, but it was the concern she saw flowing from her mother's eyes that haunted her with an eerie twinge of discomfort.

"Hi," Megan replied, her pneumonia so painful that she could only take short breaths.

"I know you're not feeling well, Sweetie. We're going to do everything we can to help you feel better."

This was Abbey's field of expertise. While in medical school, she had extensively researched the different strains of pneumonia. Back then, pneumocystis carinii pneumonia was so rare that it only struck one in three million people each year. 

Now, PCP was part of another disease. A new one. A larger one. One that scientists called GRID and suddenly, she realized that all the information in the world couldn't arm her with the mental fortitude necessary to tell a ten-year-old's parents that their daughter might be suffering from an illness that had already claimed the lives of many patients, both here and abroad. 

She put up a professional front, reiterating the ambiguous nature of Megan's symptoms, but she couldn't disguise her sympathy as she spoke. She spent the next several hours acquainting herself with her new patient, monitoring her drugs to ease the pain, and educating Megan's mother about the possible diagnosis as she waited for Mark to finish his shift. 

After leaving the hospital, the duo sat quietly on the drive to Manchester. Each visibly affected by Megan's precarious condition, no words were necessary to express the helpless feelings that stirred inside them. While the doctor in Abbey tried to repress her raw emotions, the mother in her just wanted to hurry home to her own little girls. It seemed like an eternity had passed by the time she finally did.

"Mommy!" Ellie hopped to her feet and ran into Abbey's arms, just as she did every night. Tonight, Abbey held her tight, picking her up until her toes dangled in the air.

"How are you, Princess?"

"I started my star pattern tonight! I'm making a constellation!" 

"You are? Well, I certainly hope you're going to give me a private show when it's all done."

Even Ellie could sense there was something wrong. She wiggled against Abbey's firm grip around her small frame. "I thought you said I was getting too big for you to lift me."

"Yeah, well, I changed my mind. I didn't mean to hold you so tight though." Reluctantly, she lowered her middle daughter to the ground. "Where are your dad and sisters?"

"Daddy went upstairs to help Lizzie with her homework and Lizzie has something to tell you, but she said I can't tell you so you have to ask her." Ellie covered her lips with her index finger. "Shh, don't tell her I said anything!"

"I won't say a word." Abbey matched her gesture, ruffled the top of her springy blonde curls, and headed towards the stairs.

"Hey," Jed called to her as he made his way down.

"Hi." Abbey pulled Zoey from his arms and wrapped her into a loving embrace. "How are you, Sunshine?"

"Oooo, Abbey." Jed reached for the toddler, wiping wet paint off Abbey's shoulder as he removed her fingers.

"Mama! Paint?" Zoey pushed herself back from her mother's frame, held out her tiny hands, and uncoiled her fingers to reveal the red and blue paint stains.

"Your daddy let you finger-paint, huh?"

"Sorry, I should have warned you before she got it on your blouse."

That was the last thing Abbey cared about tonight. "It's okay. I'm not worried about it"

Zoey enthusiastically nodded. "You paint?"

"It's almost time for you to go to bed, but I promise I'll paint with you tomorrow." Abbey's eyes settled back on her husband. "I'm sorry it took so long."

"That's okay. The girls and I took Leo to the airport and we've just been hanging out since dinner. Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat."

"Later, okay?" She set Zoey down on the bottom landing. "Lizzie in her room?"

"Yeah."

With a tender squeeze of his arm, she brushed by Jed and bounced up the stairs to see Liz. She knocked softly, turning the knob before waiting for Liz's response. "Hi."

"Guess what!" The thirteen-year-old leapt up with such energy it took Abbey less than a second to know why she was so excited.

"You made the basketball team?"

"YES!" Liz answered, her exuberant smile abruptly turning into a frown. "Who told you?"

"No one told me. Did you think I'd forget you had tryouts today?" Just as she had done with her other daughters, Abbey pulled her into a strong, steady hug. "I'm so proud of you."

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the matter?" 

"Nothing." 

Lizzie took a step back when Abbey relaxed her hold. Mother and daughter exchanged an uncomfortable glance, but Abbey quickly covered her distress with a more stoic expression. She did a good job of avoiding an intrusive stare with Jed just a few minutes earlier. Avoiding Lizzie's concern was a little more difficult because Lizzie was already suspicious. 

This wasn't something she wanted to discuss with the girls, so instead of addressing Liz's question with another lie, she retreated to her bedroom and waited for Jed. Snuggled under the sheets and a two-toned embroidered comforter, she had nearly fallen asleep by the time she heard him open the door.

"You didn't eat anything," he said when he showed up with a dinner tray in his hands.

"I wasn't hungry."

"Tough." He set the tray on the nightstand on her side of the bed and put the back of his hand against her forehead. 

"I'm not sick, Jed."

"What happened today?" 

She moved herself over to give him the room to sit down. "No matter how many times I see it, I'll never get used to treating a patient I think I'm going to lose."

"The lung biopsy?"

She paused momentarily before adopting a different approach. "You hate my career, don't you? It takes me away from you and the girls and it adds so much stress to our lives, to our marriage. I'm always working and I know you resent me for that. Just tonight, I missed taking Leo to the airport."

"You're a world-class scientist. You went through four years of medical school and you're in your final year of residency. What you're doing, Abbey...it's so important. It would be selfish of me to ever hate it or to resent you."

"But you do." He shrugged. "You can admit it, Jed because...sometimes, I hate it too."

"I won't deny that your hours are inconvenient and that I hate seeing you so exhausted all the time, both physically and mentally. More than anything else, I hate what it does to you. But I have to remind myself that this is the career you chose and that the world is lucky to have such a brilliant doctor out there saving lives."

"I'm not always saving lives. Sometimes, I'm just watching people die."

"What's going on, Abbey?"

Abbey swiped the tears as they began to trickle from her pretty green eyes. "A ten-year-old girl...she's very sick."

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know yet," she initially answered. "That's not true. I think...if it's what I think, it's pretty bad."

"What is it?"

"Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia. It might be PCP."

"Oh, Abbey." Jed may not have been a doctor, but he had read the articles in Abbey's medical journals. He had kept up with the small blurbs that appeared on the news and in the paper. He knew what this meant.

"It's one of the signs of GRID. If she has PCP, it may have been caused by GRID and, Jed, I have no idea what to do."

He covered her hand with his, turning it over so their palms joined and her fingers curled as he squeezed them. "How can that be? How can she have it? As of now, the only GRID patients are men, right? Adult men."

"No one's really sure. I heard something a week ago about it possibly showing up in a baby in California and an older woman in Seattle, but other doctors have dismissed it."

"It could be spreading." Jed raised his legs onto the bed, his arm sliding under her and rolling her towards him. This was how he always held her after a terrible day at the hospital, whenever she lost a patient, or if she just needed to know that he was planted firmly in her corner.

Cuddled against his chest as he held her still, Abbey cried in short, soft whimpers. "She's just a little girl. This isn't supposed to happen, not to children. We're supposed to know what to do for them. We're supposed to be able to help them."

"I'm so sorry, Honey." He tightened his arms around her, his own eyes watering in response to her heartbreak.

"I'll never be able to forgive myself if I have to watch her die." Her words were fractured by a few gut-wrenching sobs.

"I know, Baby. I know."

"I have to help her. I want so badly to help her and I don't know how. I don't even know exactly what this thing is." She broke the embrace, swallowed hard past her tears, and looked him directly in his eyes. "I don't know what I'm up against, Jed."

The public called it Gay Cancer. The doctors called it Gay Related Immune Deficiency. It would be another year before the world would officially call it AIDS.

TBC


	9. On My Honor

Dr. Mark Allen handed Abbey the clipboard. She immediately flipped the papers, reading over the chart just as quickly as he had moments earlier. Speechlessly, she handed it back. They exchanged a glance and Mark collapsed into the leather swivel chair in his office. 

The first time he felt defeated was when he was a wide-eyed intern who got a sharp dose of reality when he lost his first patient. More than fifteen years had passed since then, but the feelings of failure resurfaced almost instantly with this one. His instincts had been right. The tests proved that ten-year-old Megan Carmichael was sick and the scope of her illness was a medical mystery. 

Clearly empathizing with her grief-stricken colleague, Abbey gathered her thoughts, then sat down directly across from him. "What now?"

"First, I have to tell her mother." He looked up from the mountain of paperwork in front of him and called out to his nurse. "Marian?"

Marian poked her head through the open door. "Yes, Sir?"

"Do me a favor and get Heather to gather up all of Megan Carmichael's records. Someone from the CDC is going to be here in a few hours." He stood to address Abbey. "Do you want to join me?"

"I will in a minute," she replied, watching him closely as he left the office and turned the corner. "Marian?"

"Yes, Dr. Bartlet?"

"May I also get a copy of Megan's records?"

"Sure." Marian paused for a moment, only continuing when she sensed Abbey was about to leave. "She has it, doesn't she?" Abbey didn't answer. "The whole hospital's going to be talking about it by the end of the day. She has PCP?"

"It looks like it, yes."

"Is it GRID? Does she have the disease?"

"I don't know."

"So far, only men have caught it...gay men. That's what the news said. That's what the medical journals all say."

"We don't know for sure." 

"Dr. Bartlet, you're widely respected here at this hospital. The nurses rave about how nice you are, not at all patronizing or dismissive."

"That's very kind."

"So I have to ask you." The nurse bit down on her bottom lip, hesitant and fearful of the doctor's response. "How do you think Megan got this?"

"I really don't know." Those were the hardest words in the world for Abbey. This was her field. After nine years of training, she was supposed to know. 

"Dr. Allen is wonderful, but he's...he's her pediatrician and..."

"All right, stop." She interrupted to avoid hearing what she knew Marian was about to say. "I don't think you're on the right track."

"Yes, you do. That's why you wanted the medical records. Megan has this thing that's only been seen in gay men and you can't tell me it hasn't occurred to you that since her pediatrician is gay..." 

"Her condition has nothing to do with Dr. Allen."

"Then why did you want the records?"

"To see if I missed anything."

"You did. You're missing your obligation to the patients. You and I are probably the only ones who know that Dr. Allen is gay. Don't you think one of us should tell the CDC when they investigate how that little girl got so sick? Don't you think it's our responsibility to ensure his other patients are informed?"

Abbey raised her hand to interject as she closed the empty space between them. "Listen to me. We have no idea how this thing is transmitted. You're jumping to conclusions here and that's a very dangerous thing to do."

"We don't know, you're right. So why shouldn't we expose all the information and hope that it will help the experts discover the link? If we keep quiet and another child gets sick, could you live with yourself?"

At a loss for an appropriate reply, Abbey simply glared at the other woman. "Make sure you get me those records."

Marian took several steps behind her as Abbey turned her back and started to walk out. "Dr. Bartlet, you have three daughters. Would you let Dr. Allen treat your daughters? And if not, then why would you let him treat someone else's?"

In the next few seconds, Abbey's mind flashed the faces her own little girls. She threw her head back and, without a response, she walked away. 

It was a long stroll to the pediatric wing. Longer than usual, it seemed. Perhaps it was because Marian's words echoed in her brain, shortening her stride and slowing her pace. 

Of course she was wrong, Abbey kept telling herself. But her thoughts were manipulated by the battle between the educated doctor who suspected Megan's illness wasn't connected to her pediatrician and the mother who believed even a smidgen of doubt was reason enough to protect children from a baffling illness that threatened to kill them.

She stood in the corner when she entered Megan's room. Quiet and still, she watched Mark deliver the news. Throughout the years, she had witnessed similar scenes dozens of times and she was always amazed at the way he managed to keep a firm grip on his emotions, even in the most troubling circumstances. It wasn't that he was indifferent. It was that he was a professional. 

But not this time. This time, Mark's voice caught in his throat and Abbey realized she had seen a tiny chip in his steel armor. And when Megan's mother shed her first tear, Mark shed his. 

The two doctors offered options to lessen Megan's pain and treat the pneumonia. There was no test for GRID. There was no way to know if Megan would get better or if she was fighting for her life. The discovery of the virus was in its earliest stages and healthcare professionals found themselves grappling with the powerlessness that came from watching their patients deteriorate without any answers or medical recourse.

The more helpless Abbey felt, the more consideration she gave to Marian's line of reasoning. It wasn't a gay disease, her training told her that. But she was torn by her medical ethics, the guidelines that suggested information even in its rawest form could unlock the keys to the most complex of ailments.

"They're probably going to ask you, you know," she told Mark after they left Megan's room. 

"Ask me what?"

"The CDC. They may want to know if Megan's had contact with gay men."

Mark stopped dead in his tracks, stopping Abbey as well. "She's a little girl."

"I'm just saying..."

"...that she may have caught it from me?"

"No. I'm saying that they're going to ask the questions and you need to decide how you're going to handle it."

"How should I handle it?"

"There's a code here, Mark. I think you should follow it. You need to be honest."

"If I tell them I'm gay, with what's going on right now, Abbey, I'm out of a job!"

"That isn't true."

"Who's going to want to bring their kids to a gay pediatrician when news gets out that one of my patients might have this thing? I'm not only out of a job, I'm out of a career."

"She could be DYING, Mark! How can you even consider not telling them everything?"

"Because I didn't make her sick! I'm not sick, Abbey. I'm perfectly fine so if I'm not sick, how would I have given it to Megan?" He took a breath to calm himself and after he quickly scanned the faces of the curious spectators, he led Abbey into an empty room.

"If you don't tell them and they find out somehow..."

"How would they find out?" he asked, closing the door to give them privacy. "Are you going to tell them? You know, I never pegged you as one of those people."

"Excuse me?"

"When I told you about me and Kevin four years ago, I did it because I never thought you'd judge me."

"I'm not judging you, Mark. I would NEVER judge you. I don't think there's anything wrong with you or with your relationship. I do think that we have a sick little girl on our hands and I'm willing to do whatever I can to help her."

"I just don't see how revealing this is going to help her!"

Abbey paced around the room, her frustration apparent in the way she rubbed her forehead. Hard, painful strokes with her fingertips left pink and red marks across her skin. "What we know is that the disease is spreading through the gay community. There's talk that it may have spread beyond the gay community and we may have proof of that right here. If Megan has GRID..."

"Everyone's so determined to label it. Gay cancer, that's what they call it on the streets. Do you have any idea how it feels to have people think that I have the plague just because I'm gay?"

"If we hold back any information whatsoever, we could be dealing with dire consequences in the long run. Not to mention you will probably lose your job anyway because keeping this quiet will lead to a public relations disaster for the hospital."

"So it's better that I come forward now?"

"I think so, yes."

"And what are you going to tell me when my reputation is TORCHED because of the ignorance that's running rampant out there? When I have to deal with the same bigotry I dealt with in my teens?"

Abbey's heart broke for him, for the way he always had to defend himself against the prejudice he had faced over and over again. She reached across to touch his arm. "Mark."

He pulled away. "That's why I left home. Did you know that? I went to college and med school 2,500 miles away from my former friends, from my family, so I could escape that kind of hatred and I swore that I would only tell the people I trusted. I'm gay, Abbey. I'm not sick and I'm not going around making people sick."

"I hate what you've had to go through. You know that."

"You once told me it was no one's business what happens in a couple's bedroom. You told me no one has the right to dictate love or to define it."

"It isn't anyone's business and no one should define love. That isn't what this is about."

"That's what this will BE about. You and Marian are the only ones in this entire building who know. There's a reason for that."

"You know I love you. I will always stand by you, but they will ask and I'm sorry, I can't condone lying to the CDC, not while I'm treating the ten-year-old girl they're investigating."

"So you are going to tell them?"

"I gave you my word a long time ago," she answered. "I said I would never tell anyone. I meant it. So, now, I'm hoping you'll tell them before they ever talk to me."

Upset and confused, Abbey left without another word. She stripped her jacket and changed out of her hospital clothes then raced to the one person who would listen to her while she bared her soul and still love her after she did.

She scoffed when she walked into Jed's office. Piles of papers were randomly spread across his desk, most blocking the crowd of framed photographs that lined the mahogany wood. She fell into the lap of his straight-back chair and simply shook her head with a sarcastic laugh as she began to straighten up. 

Only a few minutes later, she heard her husband's familiar voice as he rounded the corner and headed towards his office. "I don't believe in extra credit," he said to his companion.

"But I just don't know how else to bring up the grade from the last exam," a female student replied. "Please Dr. Bartlet? Just consider it?" 

"See, Shannon, the reason I don't believe in extra credit is because it gives you a pass on the information I really want you to learn. How about instead of extra credit, you see me after class on Thursday night? You and I will go over the last exam and I'll help you prepare for the next one."

"I think I'd be better at extra credit."

"Sorry," Jed replied lightheartedly. "It's the best I can do. Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," she reluctantly agreed.

His focus still in the hall, Jed opened his door. "You're a bright young woman. Don't sell yourself short." He turned to his office, startled by Abbey's serious expression as she straightened her posture behind his desk. "Abbey."

"'I'll take it, Dr. Bartlet, but just so you know, I'm much better at extra credit.' 'Nonsense! You're a bright young woman, Shannon,'" she playfully mimicked. "Do they pay you for the compliments or are those free?"

"Jealousy's not your thing, Sweet Knees."

"When we're talking young, perky co-eds, it is. One-on-one tutoring? You do that a lot?"

"First, none of those 'young, perky co-eds' hold a candle to you. Second, did you come all the way down here just to give me a hard time?"

She shook her head with a warm smile. "No."

"Good." He took her hand, helping her to her feet and greeting her with a kiss. "Why did you come down here?"

"Just because."

"Spill it."

"What?"

"You just got off a 12-hour shift, Abbey. Why are you here instead of home?" Abbey ignored his stare, leaning against his desk with her head hanging low. He cupped her chin, raising her face to make eye contact. "What happened with Megan?"

"We have to pick up Ellie's birthday cake."

"Abbey?"

"Speaking of Ellie, do you think this star show is really a good idea? She's awfully shy. I'm afraid she might get cold feet."

"Abbey?" She began to turn away, but he grabbed her arm and spun her back around. "What happened?"

"Doctors don't know everything. That's something most people forget. They think of doctors as God, perfect creatures sent from Heaven to cure disease. Megan had an appendectomy a few years ago. Her surgeon goofed and she needed a blood transfusion. She almost died. I'm sure she knew at that moment that we're not perfect. That we do make mistakes."

"Who made a mistake?"

"I'm just curious, would you let Elizabeth, Ellie, or Zoey be treated by a gay male doctor? Because, to be perfectly honest, right now, with this mysterious disease looming around, I don't know how comfortable I would be with it. I mean, myself, fine, but not my girls. I'm supposed to protect my girls at all cost."

"Megan has it," Jed surmised.

"I don't consider myself a judgmental person. I'm not saying I'm perfect. We know I'm not perfect, but I've never, ever had a problem with a person's life, with their relationships. As a teenager, I knew I was straight because I had my first crush on a boy. So, I do believe that a gay person knows, intuitively, when they have a crush on the person of the same sex. It isn't a choice and there's certainly nothing wrong with it."

"I know you're not judgmental. I know you're not a bigot. So why are we talking about this?"

"A person should never have to hide who they are. They should never have to pretend to be someone they're not just to appease others. But they do and it's because of ignorant bastards, people who've appointed themselves judge and jury of what's right and what isn't."

"Why won't you tell me what happened at the hospital?"

"Because I don't want to be one of those people!" she blurted out. 

"You're not."

Silence lingered between them for the next several minutes. Jed was glued to his spot. He watched her carefully as she circled around herself and struggled for control of her labored breathing.

"In the next few days, I'm going to have to make a decision and you may not like me for it. So I just wanted reiterate it to you. I wanted to say, again, I'm not perfect. I may be making a mistake."

Jed opened his arms wide and wrapped them around her shrinking frame. "I don't know what this is all about, but I love you. No matter what. That's never going to change, regardless of whatever decisions you have to make."

"I don't usually get scared, Jed, but this time, not having the answers is terrifying to me and I need you to tell me it's going to be okay." At first, Abbey rested her chin on his shoulder. As her grip tightened, she tilted her head forward and buried her face against the soft fabric of his sweater.

"It's going to be okay." 

"I don't believe you."

The somber tone of discussion was broken by Jed's chuckle. "Then why did you want me to say it?"

"Because I need to hear it from the one person I can always count on to make things better, who will always love me even if I'm not perfect."

He tenderly stroked her hair, his eyes closing as he inhaled the scent of the dark auburn tresses that tickled his nose. "Being perfect is overrated."

"Yeah?"

"Believe me, I know," he teased, provoking a laugh from Abbey. "I love you. I'm always going to love you."

"You know that for sure?"

"I know that for sure."

"Then if I decide to do what I'm thinking of doing, maybe you could remind me of it daily because some people are going to hate me and there's a good possibility that one of those people is going to be me."

Jed released his grip and pulled away long enough to press his lips to her forehead. Abbey looked up at him afterwards, locking her hands behind his neck as her eyes pierced into his. He leaned forward once again. Their foreheads collided, his hands roamed her shoulders, and he gave her his trademark smile, full of love and undying support. 

 

TBC


	10. On My Honor

There were certain traditions in the Bartlet house that were as expected and predictable as the sun rising every morning. The consummate family man, Jed reveled in any opportunity to bond with his wife and daughters, so when the holidays rolled around, so did the carefully outlined rituals that were designed to bring them all closer together.

At Christmas, a night of tree trimming would usually end with Jed, Abbey, and the girls gathering around a roaring fire. Jed always had visions of everyone in their slippers holding a steamy cup of hot cranberry punch and a plate of almond baklava and apple squares, but unfortunately, almost every year, the idyllic Currier and Ives image that was firmly planted in his mind was disrupted before it ever began as Abbey was inevitably called away to begin a grueling hospital shift. 

The bickering that ensued between husband and wife had become as much a part of the Bartlet Christmas tradition as the passionate make-up sex afterwards. And by Christmas morning each year, their bond was stronger than ever as they united the family for a day of presents, movies, and a large holiday dinner. 

On the Fourth of July, everyone came to the table ready to share patriotic stories of the Founding Fathers. Statesmen like Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were the topic of conversation over an appetizing breakfast of banana cream pancakes and pineapple waffles. After the Independence Day Parade but before the colorful spectacle of fireworks, the Bartlets would adjourn to the family room to watch the annual broadcast of the Broadway musical 1776 on Channel 9. 

In the days before Thanksgiving, they would donate food to the New Hampshire Food Bank, but on the actual holiday, it was the plight of the pilgrims the girls enjoyed hearing while Jed carved the turkey with his family's authentic Paul Revere carving knife. Some years, they were just returning from an afternoon at the local soup kitchen. Other years, their Thanksgiving Day preparations were so grand that it was the Friday after that they would dedicate their time to those less fortunate. 

Halloween was about spooky tales of ghosts and goblins as Ellie and Lizzie tried desperately to scare their parents with original stories and creative gags. Jed and Abbey feigned their fear while they helped their daughters get ready for a night of trick-or-treating. And later, when they were all alone, they would snuggle up under the covers, entangled in each other's arms as they searched the television for a replay of frightening Halloween movies. 

Of all the fun family customs, though, nothing quite compared to the production surrounding a birthday. 

Just as she had done for Lizzie in the past and just as she would someday do for Zoey, Abbey stood against the countertop, crushing red and pink candies atop the two dozen vanilla-frosted peppermint cupcakes Ellie would be taking with her to school. Baking the sweet treat was just one of the official birthday tasks that lured her out of bed at 5 a.m. 

Around the corner, Jed tugged on the ends of the large pink bow precariously wrapped around the handlebars of the bicycle he had finally finished assembling. Abbey wiped her hands on a dishtowel and poked her head into the adjoining room. 

"Are you almost done?" 

"Doesn't it look like it?" He stood back and proudly admired his work. "I think we're good to go."

At his side, Lizzie held the satin ribbon in her hand. "Dad, I don't think this is going to reach all the way upstairs."

"It'll reach, don't worry."

"But it looks short." The birthday ribbon always lined the path from the birthday girl's room to the big gift downstairs.

"Lizzie, Sweetie, your father isn't going into this blind. He measured it before he bought the ribbon," Abbey assured her daughter before turning to her husband. "Didn't you?"

Jed scanned the bike, then looked up the long stairway that led to Ellie's room. "What's that?"

"I said, you measured the distance between here and Ellie's room before you bought the ribbon, just like I did for Lizzie's birthday last year." He didn't respond. "Didn't you?"

"Yeah." 

The careless dismissal in his tone answered her question. "You didn't, did you?" 

"It's 6:30 in the morning and I've already assembled the bike. Isn't that enough?" He took the ribbon from Lizzie's hands and traced it to the end. "Not to mention I'm still upset over the telescope, so give me a pass on this one. We'll figure it out."

Upset didn't really come close to describing Jed's disappointment when he found out the black and silver Orion AstroView telescope he had picked out for his daughter was on back-order. His plans for a spectacular night of stargazing were dashed and, instead, the bike Abbey chose was slated as Ellie's biggest gift. 

"You'll get the telescope eventually. You can give it to her in a few weeks."

"In a few weeks, it's not her birthday. I wanted it for this morning or at least for Saturday's party."

"It's not going to reach, Dad," Lizzie repeated, grabbing the end of the ribbon. "It's too short."

"We'll make it reach." He gripped the bow tightly around the handlebars as he directed Liz. "Take the end you're holding and go upstairs."

With a smile, Lizzie swaggered past him and sprinted up the steps. "Okay, I'm at the top with a little bit of ribbon to spare. Now what?"

"See that?" He flashed Abbey a smug grin. "I told you."

Never taking her eyes off her husband, Abbey prodded Liz to move further. "Lizzie, see if you can get it to Ellie's door."

Jed waved his hand with confidence. "That won't be a problem. I really wish you'd have a little more faith in me, Sweet Knees. I don't need tape measures. I can tell just by looking at something that it'll reach."

"Dad, it won't reach!" Lizzie called down. "I'm standing by Ellie's door and it won't reach."

"You're not doing it right. Just pull on it." 

One yank from Lizzie caused the bike to fall to the side and the pretty pink bow that adorned the violet and pink-trimmed handlebars curled against the wall before Jed could buffer the smashed tassels with his hands. 

"Lizzie stop pulling!" Abbey rushed to her husband's aid to help him untangle the threaded mess. "Would it have killed you to measure it?" 

"I forgot. Anyway, there's no rule that says the ribbon has to reach her room. We'll just bring her downstairs." He followed Abbey up the stairs to join Liz on the top landing, their voices brought to a low whisper as they embarked down the hallway towards Ellie's room. 

"Ellie?" Softly, Abbey knocked on her door then opened it slightly.

Wide awake and sitting at her desk dressed in her baby blue pajamas, Ellie pointed her twinkling aqua eyes at her mother. "Hi."

Abbey let go of the door and allowed it to open fully. "What in the world are you doing up?" 

"I wanted to work on my project for the star show." She held up the large cylinder-shaped oatmeal container she was designing. "Daddy's going to carve out the pattern tonight."

Clearly impressed, Jed twirled the container to closely examine her artwork. "Wow, you've done a really good job with this."

"I can't wait till we get to show everybody!"

"That's going to be a lot of fun. But today..." he set it aside and lifted Ellie up into his arms. "we're going to concentrate on other things, Birthday Girl." He stepped out of the way to make room for Abbey. "After you."

Abbey admired his sweet, boyish expression, the energy that seemed to launch him from the bedroom and help him bound down the stairs so fast that she had to turn around to remind him not to wake Zoey.

Ellie gasped in delight when Jed turned sharply at the bottom step and raised her above his head only to bring her down and sit her on the bike. "It's so pretty! Can I ride it right now?"

"Not in here." Abbey intervened before Jed allowed his daughter's girlish excitement to manipulate him into letting her take a stroll around the hardwood floors of the farmhouse. "But lets see how long it takes to finish breakfast. If we get right to it, you may have time to ride it around the driveway before school."

"Did you bake cupcakes for school?"

"You bet I did!" Abbey tweaked her nose and pulled her into a hug. "Happy Birthday, Goldilocks."

"And that isn't all," Jed added from behind mother and daughter. "There's one more present you get to open this morning." He pulled out an envelope and handed it to her.

"What is it?" She pulled out the tickets snuggled inside. 

"Read it."

"The planetarium? Where we can learn even more about stars?" Ellie shouted the question as she leapt into her father's embrace. 

"That's for all five of us. They even have a children's room for Zoey to play in."

"When?"

"They're good for a year so we'll have to set a day." Jed approached his oldest daughter with another envelope in his hand. "And we haven't forgotten about you, Miss Elizabeth." 

Thought it wasn't her birthday, Liz eagerly tore open paper and retrieved the colorfully decorated Cinderella card inside. "I don't get it."

"You have to open it." Jed looked on over her shoulder as she did. "This entitles the bearer...you...to one beautiful Cinderella dress for the school dance. Your mom's taking you to Boston this weekend."

"Really?" she asked Abbey.

"Really," Abbey answered. "I want you to pick out something fabulous for this date."

"Are you serious? You're letting me go?" Liz bounced around them, her clear blue eyes brimming with happiness. 

"Can we stop calling a date please?" Jed pleaded to Abbey as he turned away from his daughters. "You know how I feel about that word."

Abbey patted his arm and continued. "But there is a catch. Your Dad and I are going to take you and Jeff to the dance, we're going to bring you home from the dance, and..."

Jed popped his head out from behind his wife and addressed Elizabeth. "You're going to love this."

"We're going to chaperone the dance," Abbey finished.

"Really?" It was a more subdued question this time. Liz's beaming smile faded as her brows arched in that cryptic teenage code for complete and utter disbelief.

"It won't be so bad. Think of it as a double date," Jed said as he rested his arm on Abbey's shoulder. 

"You'll be there the whole time?"

"The whole time," Abbey confirmed.

"And there will be no kissing or touching between you and Jeff, or else you'll turn into a pumpkin. Your mother and I will be standing 10...no, five feet away the entire night."

"If I can't touch him then how are we supposed to dance?"

"Standing several inches apart like we are right now."

"Dad! There's going to be music...slow music and I'm going to want to hold his hand and stuff."

"And stuff? What kind of stuff? You're 13 years old."

"What's the point of even going to this thing? I might as well not even bother."

"Now you're talking." 

"Jed!" Abbey smacked his arm then stepped in front of him. "Lizzie, we're not trying to spoil your fun, but you're only 13 and you know you're not allowed to start dating for another three years. We're making an exception just this once because it's a school-sponsored event and we can be there to keep an eye on things. There's no way your dad and I would feel comfortable letting you go by yourself. Your dad's not even comfortable doing it together."

Liz pursed her lips to one side. Her eyes locked with her mother's, pleading for a compromise she could live with, but she was greeted with the stare of unwavering determination. Her father's expression was no different. It was this or nothing. She inhaled and lowered her head before reluctantly agreeing. 

"Okay."

"Can I go too, Mommy?" Ellie looked up from her bicycle seat.

"No way," Lizzie answered.

"I didn't ask you."

"It's not a dance for little kids, El."

"But I'm seven now. I'm not a little kid anymore." She looked to Jed for support. "Right, Daddy?"

Abbey knew her husband hated getting in the middle of his daughters' squabbles, so it was no empty gesture that she approached him with a silent grin and waited by his side. He tensed up as his mind searched for an appropriately diplomatic response guaranteed to make both girls happy, and just when he opened his mouth, his words were trampled by the ringing phone.

"I bet that's your Aunt Millie calling to wish you a happy birthday," he said instead.

Ellie jumped off her bike and ran to the phone. "Hello?"

"Invite her to the planetarium," Jed whispered across the room as he made his way to the television to turn on CNN. 

"...in other news this morning, Egyptian President Anwar Sadat will be attending the military parade in Cairo next week despite security concerns ..." 

Not yet jaded by the aggressively intrusive nature of the American and foreign press, Jed was quite smitten with the 24-hour news channel. So smitten, in fact, that he usually left it on all morning despite his daily dissection of the New York Times over breakfast. He leaned against the arm of the loveseat and listened attentively until several minutes later when Ellie interrupted. 

"He can come!"

"Wasn't that Aunt Millie?" Abbey asked.

"Uh uh. It was Grandpa Bartlet! And he's going to come to my party on Saturday and to the planetarium with us and to the Girl Scout star show." 

"My father?" The family had seen John Bartlet several times since Zoey's Christening, but Jed was genuinely surprised that he had committed to all three of the invitations Ellie had just offered him. 

"He was very nice." Completely oblivious to the rocky relationship between her father and grandfather, she gave her parents a sweet smile and tried to hop back on her bike, an attempt that was sabotaged by Abbey.

"Girls, why don't you go wash up and I'll start breakfast. Banana pancakes for the birthday girl!" Abbey watched her daughters disappear up the stairs before she turned her attention to Jed. "He's just trying to bond with them. You and I will be there the whole time, so it's going to be okay, right?"

"Yeah," Jed replied. "I don't have a problem with him wanting to see the girls, as long as he's respectful of you and me."

"And he has been this time. I think he's trying to make it work. Ellie and Liz really seem to like him and thankfully, he seems to like them too."

Jed had known that for a while. In the past year, he saw his chilly relationship with his father beginning to warm and he was grateful that regardless of any lingering bitterness between them, it was obvious John adored his granddaughters. "The girls...they're the three things I did right."

Abbey cupped her hand around the back of Jed's neck and pulled him close. "That's not even close to being true. You do lots of things right and don't you ever forget it," she told him with a kiss. "I'm going to start breakfast."

"I'll join you in a minute." He rested against the sofa again, his eyes burning into the television as he fought to focus on something other than his father. 

"The world now knows the identities of those distinguished scholars selected as this year's Nobel Prize winners," the anchor began. "The names of the new laureates was released during a press conference in Stockholm, Sweden on Monday. Among them, six Americans, including Yale University Professor James Tobin, who is the recipient of the Bank of Sweden Prize in Economics. Tobin first made headlines two years ago..."

Jed was familiar with James Tobin's remarkable analysis on financial markets and their relation to expenditure decisions, employment, production, and prices. It didn't shock him that Tobin's extensive research had been rewarded in such a magnificently public way, but it probably would have shocked him to learn that his own work would soon be scrutinized as well.

He had no idea that at that very moment, Dr. Adam Housley was sitting at his desk at Dartmouth College, flipping the pages of the Washington Post. With a blue marker, Dr. Housley circled the headline that read 'Nobel Laureates Announced,' then picked up a pen to write a note in the margin.

He clipped the story and placed it next to a large mailing envelope that sheltered a stack of journal articles advocating the adoption of policies that would eventually lead to political freedom as a result of economic growth among several Asian countries. The Stockholm-bound envelope had already been addressed.

Dr. Housley carefully placed several stamps on the top right corner and flattened the creases. He was ready to submit the articles, certain that once the Nobel committee received them, the author would be guaranteed the same recognition afforded to James Tobin. Next year, the 1982 prize would give Jed Bartlet - and Dartmouth - a taste of the international spotlight. 

 

TBC


	11. On My Honor

Abbey had already changed out of her hospital scrubs and was now wearing a black tulip skirt, plum sweater with ribbed cuffs and hem, and matching suede jacket, an ensemble she picked out especially for the Girl Scout Astronomy Show. With one final brush through her dark auburn tresses, she left the staff locker room and headed towards the main elevator leading to the hospital lobby.

"You CAN'T do this!"

Abbey's head snapped to the side and she spun around when she heard Mark Allen's angry voice. "What's going on?"

"What's going on is I'm taking my daughter out of here!" Mrs. Carmichael wheeled Megan in an erratic pattern to escape Mark. 

"Your daughter is very sick. Where are you taking her?"

"Anywhere but here."

"Dr. Greer discharged Megan," Mark told Abbey. 

"Can he do that?"

"Oh, I can do it," Dr. Greer announced as he rounded the corner and joined them. "As of right now, I'm taking over all of Dr. Allen's patients."

Clearly confused, Abbey stepped between her colleagues. "Wait a minute. What happened?"

"What's happened is I trusted this hospital!" Mrs. Carmichael turned from Abbey to face Mark, her voice shrill enough to pierce into him and make him flinch. "And I trusted you! You lied to us and now Megan is sick and it's a very real possibility that you're the one who made her sick."

"That isn't true," Abbey reasoned. "Mrs. Carmichael, Dr. Allen doesn't have this disease."

"But my daughter does. He's GAY, Dr. Bartlet! Don't you understand?" 

Mrs. Carmichael's tone was so hateful, her emphasis so damning. Abbey nearly excused it as a frightened mother concerned about her daughter's health. She flashed back to the days immediately following Zoey's birth. The tubes and machines that scared her, the helplessness she felt each and every time Zoey's premature lungs stifled her cries as her veins were pricked with needles. She knew what it was like for a mother to lose herself in a child's illness. She knew it all too well. 

But one look in Mark's direction instantly derailed Abbey's memories. She gathered her composure and addressed the distraught mother. "I know you're scared and at the moment, it's easy to want to blame someone for this, especially since we don't know how this disease is transmitted..."

"You're damn right, you don't! What you do know is that it's a gay man's disease, so explain to me why my little girl has it."

Megan sat quietly in her wheelchair, her coughs noticeably strained. Abbey extended her hand to affectionately stroke her head, stung by the shock when Mrs. Carmichael jerked her daughter away from her touch. She wasn't just angry at Dr. Allen. She was angry at them all. 

The same maternal instincts that prompted Abbey to reach out to the young girl, forced her to recover quickly from the sting and compassionately plead with Mrs. Carmichael. "We're working on those answers. But right now, you have to let us treat Megan. You have to let us help her. She needs medical care."

"And she'll get it - far away from this hospital and far away from all of you!" Her resolve stronger than ever, she pushed past them into the elevator as a nurse followed behind. 

Mark watched the steel doors slide together, blocking his view of the blonde little girl whose labored breaths had shallowed considerably in the last few moments. He ran his hand furiously through his hair and his eyes scanned the small crowd that had formed around him. He looked at Abbey, then turned to Dr. Greer. 

Larry Greer's hands remained stuffed in his white lab coat. His expression was unrepentant, his stare unforgiving. "Letting them go was the best course of action, considering the circumstances."

"The best course of action?" Mark questioned. "For whom?"

"For this hospital and for your career."

"And what about Megan?"

"I've already called Mass General. They have a bed waiting for her."

"You have no RIGHT to discharge my patient."

"I outrank you, Doctor. I had EVERY right, and if you want to fight it out, then I suggest we ask Dr. Hathaway what he thinks. As hospital Chief of Staff, he should definitely be in the loop, don't you think? Chances are he's going to want to see you before your shift ends tonight anyway."

"Mark did nothing wrong," Abbey intervened. "I don't know who told you he was gay or who told Mrs. Carmichael for that matter, but his personal life is none of this hospital's business."

"It is when the CDC is crawling around here searching for answers."

"Damn it, Larry, he's not a scapegoat! Hysteria is running rampant out there and the last thing we need is for it to invade us in here. We can't let it get in the way of treating the patients."

"Forget it, Abbey. The only thing Dr. Greer understands is bad publicity and now that the cat is out of the bag, that's exactly what we're going to get." Mark turned sharply and stormed down the beige-lined corridor. He slammed the slanted bar that shielded the exit, opening the door with such force that it bounced off the wall and sent soundwaves echoing through the stairwell. 

All the warnings he had shouted to Abbey only two days earlier were true. He said that people would judge him, that they would hate him and blame him. It wasn't Abbey's naiveté that led her to dismiss his prediction. It was her faith in her fellow man, in her colleagues, that convinced her they would be above the bigotry that was beginning to engulf communities around the country. 

But she should have known that bigotry born out of ignorance has no bounds. The fear of dealing with something deadly and unfamiliar didn't just end with the general public; it manipulated the good sense of scientists as well.

She took hesitant steps through that same exit door Mark had shoved seconds earlier. Just as she suspected, he hadn't descended the stairs. Instead, he sat on the top step, his shoulders slouched and his back curved as if he had already been defeated. 

"Would you mind some company?"

He shook his head, but never even looked as Abbey slid her skirt under her rear and sat beside him. "They're going to suspend me."

"We don't know that yet."

"Dr. Greer makes a good case. He's got the ear of Dr. Hathaway. There's no way he would have taken charge like that if Hathaway hadn't given him his support."

She couldn't deny his logic. She glanced at her watch to keep track of the minutes before Ellie's show, then with her high heels planted firmly on the step below, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms under her knees. "I didn't say anything, Mark. I swear. I mean, I thought about it and I won't lie to you. I probably would have told the doctor from the CDC, but I hadn't talked to him yet."

"Abbey." He tried to stop her, but she ignored him. 

"I never would have done it to betray you. I just couldn't defend not being honest with people who are trying to save the life of a little girl. I have three daughters and if they were ever struck with this kind of illness..."

"Abbey, I know it wasn't you." Grateful for her loyalty, he smiled to put her mind ease. "I told the CDC doctor."

"And he told Mrs. Carmichael?"

"No, that was Marian in her last official act before she quit."

"I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry. That just doesn't sound like enough right now."

"I'm facing an uphill battle, aren't I?" He waited for Abbey's nod. "I don't have it, Abbey. I'm not sick. I'll undergo a full medical exam to prove it. I don't care what we know or don't know about this disease. I didn't give it to Megan. There's no way I could have."

"I know," Abbey assured him with a squeeze of his arm. 

"I'm at a loss," he muttered sadly. "If there's one thing I've always hated, it's losing control. I have no control over this...I'm supposed to know how to save children from disease. I'm the one Megan's mother turned to to save her daughter and I don't know how."

"No one does. We haven't even identified this disease yet, Mark."

"It's one thing to read about all the people who've already died from it...there are 80 of them now...but this is different. For me, for the first time, this thing has a face - a sweet, angelic, ten-year-old face. I was supposed to be able to help her." 

"You didn't let her down. We just have to work harder...all of us...we have to make sure those researchers have everything they need, every tidbit of information so they can put this all together and help patients like Megan."

His own future was so uncertain that he let out an exasperated sigh and a desperate chuckle at Abbey's suggestion. "All of us? There's nothing I can do, Abbey. I don't know if I'm even going to have a job when all is said and done. Hathaway's not likely to be receptive to this news."

"We'll deal with Hathaway. There's never been a more important time for all of us to band together."

"Yeah."

"Megan may be receiving care in Boston, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need every doctor in the country working on her behalf. And it's not just her. There are more than a 150 people in the U.S. alone who are sick with whatever this is and that number's growing practically every day. Half of them have died. The mortality rate..."

"Could be 100% by the end of the month," Mark finished. "I read the projections."

"So then you understand."

"What?"

"Why it's so important that we fight...for you. We'll fight Dr. Greer and if it comes down to it, we'll fight Dr. Hathaway. You're a damn good doctor and right now, we need all the damn good doctors we can get."

"We'll fight?"

"We will. We're up against some kind of deadly virus that has no official name. We shouldn't even be calling it GRID anymore since, clearly, it's reached beyond the gay community. There's no logic or reason as to who it affects. We don't even know if it's a new virus or if it's a more dangerous form of an old one. The patients...they need us. All of us. And so does Megan."

Abbey covered the back of his hand with hers as Mark tilted his head towards his shoulder and threw her a glance screaming with appreciation. He knew she was feisty, but he hadn't yet seen the fiery side of Abbey Bartlet, the side Jed constantly bragged about to anyone who would listen. 

It was that part of her, Jed had once told Mark, that made him fall in love with her a thousand times over. He described it as a passionate spark that could ignite with flames soaring beyond the heavens if her friends and loved ones were ever threatened. It was a significant part of who she was, both privately and professionally.

Mark knew she wouldn't surrender her principles for the sake of harmony because if she did, she'd be surrendering to the politics of medicine, blurring a line that would make her question her commitment to science. That's what Mark found himself clinging to now. Abbey's determination was what he needed to light his own flame. He wasn't looking forward to this fight, but with Abbey in his corner, he was armed and ready for it. 

As Abbey was saying her goodbyes to Mark in Hanover, Ellie was looking around the crowded hall in the old Manchester Opera House. Her nerves blossomed rather quickly as more than a hundred people flooded in the double doors. She hadn't expected that many people. It was as if every Scout troop in New Hampshire was there just to see the spectacular star show they had worked so long to organize. 

Anxious and apprehensive, she sat back against her chair and swung her legs over the edge. She was so hypnotized by the bustling noise surrounding her that she didn't even notice Jed approaching until she bit down on her bottom lip and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Daddy..." She greeted him in a soft whisper and Jed immediately sensed she was troubled.

"She'll be here, Sweetie. Don't worry." Unfortunately, he assumed her concern was for Abbey's absence, not for the growing mob that was swarming the raised platform in front of the room. 

"Why are they all here?"

"You wanted them here. You guys all said you wanted us to invite the other troops, remember?"

"But I didn't think they'd come," Ellie replied. "And they're here with their parents. They'll all ask questions."

"Yeah, they probably will, but it's okay. You're prepared to answer their questions. We rehearsed this, remember?" 

"Yeah, but..." She stopped as she caught sight of her Grandpa Bartlet chatting with Lizzie. Soon Abbey would sitting next to them and Jed would be on the stage right beside her when she presented her project. Maybe this wasn't going to so bad after all, she said to herself. If she felt scared, she could just make eye contact with her family and they would help her through, just as they always had. 

"Ellie? Are you going to be all right? Are you going to be able to do this?" He was reminded of their conversation four weeks earlier. Initially, Jed had his doubts that his shy and reserved daughter would feel comfortable completing this task, but confidently, Ellie assured him she'd be okay. 

Now, a month later, she was determined to keep that promise. She looked around the room once more. This time, she calmed herself as her eyes roamed the faces of all her peers and their parents, mingling while they waited for the show to begin. She had to do this in order to get her badge. That much she knew. 

So, with the deepest breath she had ever taken, she stared at her father and nodded. "I can do it."

She saw it then. His smile. A smile so wide and so proud that it convinced her she made the right decision. Jed leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "That's my girl!"

The side door opened, letting in a glimmer of the red and purple hues that streaked the New Hampshire sky at dusk. Ellie and Jed instinctively followed the sound that drew them to Abbey's high heels pounding on the hardwood floors as she hustled towards them.

"Mommy!"

"I'm sorry I'm late!"

"We didn't start yet."

"Is everything okay?" Jed asked. "You were supposed to be here a half hour ago."

"I'll tell you about it later," Abbey replied, taking his hand and giving him a quick kiss on his lips.

"I need to go start this thing. Ellie?" Jed waited until Ellie turned her head towards him and looked him squarely in the eyes. "You're okay?"

She emphatically nodded. "Uh huh!"

"Okay."

Jed walked to the podium positioned in the corner of the platform as Abbey took her seat next to Lizzie, leaving Ellie to look to her fellow troop members for one last bit of reassurance. But she didn't get it. Instead of retreating into themselves, the way she wanted to, her friends seemed poised and ready to begin. 

She browsed the line of brown-uniformed girls, her gaze ending with Samantha, the only other member who had issues with public speaking. To Ellie's dismay, even Samantha excitedly sat up and embraced Jed's introduction. 

The lights flickered on and off as Susie took the stage. Though her project wasn't as complicated as the others, the audience relished her depiction of a supernova she had monitored with her father's aging telescope. Dozens of hands shot up the second she was finished to begin a round of Q&As that left Ellie feeling panicked and nauseous. 

"Do stars really die?" one girl asked.

Ellie tightened her fingers around the edge of her seat.

"Does the star glow before the explosion?" another wanted to know.

Ellie pushed herself against the back of her chair.

"What happens to stars after they die?"

"How long does a star live before a supernova?"

Ellie squirmed uncomfortably.

"Does it hurt the other stars?"

"How long is the sky red or pink?"

"Is it really violent? Like, can we hear it down here?"

Sympathetically, Ellie wanted to step in and rescue her friend from the curious inquisitors who bombarded her with questions in such a rapid pace that she was given virtually no time to answer. But, instead, Ellie's posture drooped slightly, her hands trembled, and her stomach teased her with butterflies that threatened to make her physically sick right then and there. 

She sat back and twiddled her report between her fingers. The thick plastic cover was almost slippery as she ran her thumb across it and traced it to its rough, pointy edge. 

Once Susie was finished, the lights went off once again as Angela took her place. The miniature glowing model of the Milky Way provoked whispers so loud that Ellie could actually hear the encouragement of admirers and the potential questions of, what she considered, detractors. 

The nausea was unbearable. A wave of heat splashed over her, flushing her cheeks with rosy colors. After Angela, it would be her turn to take the stage, something she wasn't quite ready to do. 

What if she couldn't answer their questions? What if they made her feel stupid? What if they laughed at her because she didn't actually know at what point in its astronomical life a star would explode and die? 

The little voice inside her head relentlessly attacked her confidence, grinding it down to a tiny sliver until she felt she could barely contain her emotions. 

With her fists clenched tightly at her side, she realized the darkened room gave her a way out. She slid off her chair and tunneled through the row of Girl Scouts, sprinting out the back of the hall and into a bathroom before her family could spot her. 

Her brows arched, scrunching her forehead, and a few tear drops formed in her blue-green eyes. She crouched beside the door and gripped the knob with all her might. 

These were familiar fears. Two years earlier when she was cast in her school's Christmas pageant, she had become a hostage of similar panic. She was able to swallow her worries back then, but this wouldn't be the same. This time, not only would she have to face her phobia of performing in front of an audience, but she'd then have to stand up to her project and answer their questions.

And for Ellie Bartlet, the thought of that was absolutely horrifying. 

TBC


	12. On My Honor

Ellie was practically on her knees as she ducked beside the door and clutched the knob with all her might. When she was certain she was safe, hidden behind a shield that would guard her from the rumbling of the crowd, she pressed the side of her face so tight against the frame that tiny indentations began to mark her cheek. 

She wanted so badly to walk out of the bathroom and go back into the main hall to deliver the presentation she had been working on for weeks, but every time she thought she had gathered the strength to do just that, it was immediately trampled by the thought of what was waiting to greet her.

An auditorium full of curious spectators wouldn't have scared her big sister. That she knew. It wouldn't have bothered her father, nor caused her mother a single second of worry. Reminded of that special talent that seemed to emerge so easily in them, Ellie struggled to justify the flip-flops in her stomach that brought her to knees at the mere suggestion of entertaining questions about her project. 

She managed to calm herself only slightly until she heard the roar of applause echoing down the empty corridor that sheltered her from everyone. She stared at the crack under the door and saw the flicker of light she expected. It was over. Angela's presentation had ended and now, they would be looking for her. 

Jed's eyes scanned the row of Girl Scouts, all eagerly awaiting their turn. All, except one. Ellie's chair was empty and a sudden pang of panic rose so quickly inside him that his voice squeaked softly as he said her name. 

Abbey, Lizzie, and John all turned to the abandoned seat. Abbey momentarily locked eyes with Jed, then stood and hustled through the aisle towards the back of the hall, rounding the corner by the restrooms just as she heard Jed call for a five-minute intermission. 

Without hesitation, she knocked on the bathroom door. "Ellie, are you in there, Sweetheart?"

Her mother's knock should have soothed her, but the sound only frightened her more. She bit down on her lip, then replied so quietly, she nearly whispered her response. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't wanna do it."

"Sweetie, open the door."

Ellie considered the demand for several seconds before she did as Abbey asked. Slowly, she turned the knob. "I don't wanna do it," she repeated as soon as Abbey let herself in. 

Her eyes fell to her father who was now only steps away. Her sister and grandfather trailed just behind him. She worried that Jed would be disappointed, upset with her for not going through with this. But he didn't look angry. Instead, he approached her with a smile on his face and kneeled to her level when he walked into the bathroom. 

"What's the matter?" Unable to admit her apprehension, Ellie shrugged her shoulders and turned from him, so Jed looked to Abbey.

"She doesn't want to make her presentation," Abbey told him. 

"Ellie." Jed tenderly swept her forehead free of the lose bangs that shadowed her eyes. "You're going to do great!"

Ellie shook her head. "No."

"Just between us, okay?" He waited for her to nod. "You have the best project out there. The crowd's going to LOVE it!"

"I don't wanna do it."

"El, would it help if you looked at me the whole time?" Lizzie asked.

"Hey, there you go! That's what you could do. You can look at Lizzie or at your mom or at me. I'll be right in the corner at the podium." Again, Ellie shook her head and this time, Jed sighed, knowing he was running out of suggestions to lure her to the stage. "What if I walked up right next to you and helped you through it?"

"Jed, I don't think she wants to do it." 

John's voice came from behind him and Jed twisted his head to reply to his father. "Let me handle this."

"Don't make her do something she doesn't want to do."

Perhaps it was because it came from John - someone who knew so little about his family, someone who frequently took advantage of any opportunity to criticize him - or perhaps the statement would have stung no matter who made it. Jed resented the intrusive implication. Never had he forced his daughters to do something they weren't comfortable doing. He wasn't above prodding them at times if it was in their best interest, but his intentions were never selfish. 

Sensing the sudden change in her husband's expression, Abbey stepped closer to him and kneeled to his side before the discussion continued. "Ellie, are you sure you don't want to do it? Are you absolutely positive?"

Ellie nodded.

"You don't have to do it," Jed told her, his hands placed lightly on her shoulders as she reached for Abbey's hand. "I'm not going to make you do something like this if you don't want to. But I want to make sure you realize what that means. What we're doing tonight...it's part of the Space Exploration badge. It's a requirement. You understand that, right?"

The seven-year-old lowered her head. She understood. Hurtful as it was, she continued towards her mother. "I have a stomach ache. Can we go home please?"

Jed rose to his feet, the frown that marred his face not lost on Abbey. She exchanged a quick glance with him, squeezed his shoulder supportively, then lifted her daughter up into her arms. Ellie snuggled close to her mother. Her voice apologetic, she raised her head to say goodbye to Jed, then buried her face in Abbey's shoulder as Abbey gripped her small frame and left through the front doors, away from the crowded auditorium. 

This wasn't completely unexpected. From the day the troop chose the astronomy show as one of the four requirements for their badge, Jed had doubts about Ellie. In the past, Abbey had accused him of not being sensitive to his middle daughter's reserved personality. It was a mistake he was determined never to make again, and so he questioned Ellie several times, and several times, Ellie assured him this was something she wanted to do. 

Now, with Ellie unable to continue, he took his place at the podium and announced the rest of the girls. One by one, they each took the stage, and one by one, Jed checked off their names, making them eligible for what Ellie had wanted so badly. The thought of his own daughter not getting the badge she worked so hard to earn sent a shiver up his spine and he found himself tuning out some of the other presentations as he imagined the look on her face during the awards ceremony next month. 

By the time he and Lizzie arrived home, Ellie had already been tucked into her bed. Jed tapped on her door, then entered to find her curled up in her blue cotton blanket. Her cheek rested against her pillow as she faced him. 

"Hey." He sat on the rocking chair beside her bed. 

"Did all the other girls do it?"

"Yeah."

"Are you mad at me because I didn't?" Her eyes followed the random pattern of her hands on the satin-ribboned hem of her blanket. 

"No, Ellie, of course not." He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head, making it impossible for her to refuse his stare. "I love you."

"I love you too." She relaxed a little. "So I still get my badge?"

"No." If there was one thing Jed and Ellie shared, it was the fear of disappointing each other. He took a breath and continued. "I want to give it to you so badly, but the rules are that you have to complete all four tasks."

Visibly flustered, she bolted from under the covers and sat straight up. "But it isn't fair! I did everything else! I read the star map all by myself and I found and marked the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper, I drew pictures of the moon over three different weeks and wrote a report about how it changed, and I designed the constellation all by myself. All you did was cut it out because you wouldn't let me use a knife! I wrote a report and everything!"

"Part of the requirement was the presentation. That was a requirement you all voted on, remember? There were two other options, but you all agreed on this one. WHY did you agree on this one?"

"Because I wanted to do it! I didn't know all those people were going to be there and I didn't know they were going to ask hard questions!"

"You were prepared for their questions! I helped you with that last week." He stopped when he realized his words were only upsetting her. "It's too late for next month's badge ceremony, but you'll get your badge. We'll do it together. We'll choose one of the other options and you'll get it at the ceremony in May."

"I'll be the only one who won't get a badge next month."

"All the work you did wasn't for nothing. I'm going to see if you're eligible for the Astronomy patch and if not, then we'll get another patch. I'll design it and make it myself if I have to."

"It's not the same!"

"No, it's not. But it's something." 

Ellie folded her arms in front of her chest, leaned back against her wall, and as tears began to fill her eyes, she mumbled softly, "I don't want it. I want the Space Exploration badge, at the same time that everyone else gets it."

"You can't have it." Jed barely choked out the words, squeezing them past the lump that formed in his throat.

"Then I don't want anything." She couldn't deny that she was angrier with herself than with Jed, but when he reached out to hug her, she pulled away and retreated under her blanket. 

He didn't fight her. He simply stroked the few blonde curls that peeked out from under the covers. "I'm sorry."

Despite the way she squirmed to escape his touch, he waited there for several more minutes in some misguided hope that she'd peek her head out and assure him she wasn't mad at him. She never did. Finally, he gave up, leaving her room and bounding furiously down the stairs.

"Hey!" Abbey stopped him along the way. "What's the hurry?"

"She's mad at me."

"She'll get over it, Jed. It's not your fault."

"No, I know it's not." His accusatory response was laced with only a smidgen of bitterness, but it was enough to entice Abbey's curiosity.

"What does that mean?"

"You didn't even TRY to talk her into it. You didn't back me up."

"Why in the world are you pissed at me?"

"She would have listened to you! She would have gotten up there and done it if YOU had told her to."

"I didn't want to force her to do it."

"She's in second grade. You don't think she's going to have to do things like this in the future? You don't think she'll have to give an oral book report, defend her position on something?"

"She didn't feel prepared."

"She WAS prepared!" he shouted. "I expected you to agree with me, but instead, you just stood back and allowed HIM to dissuade her."

"Your father? Jed, Ellie didn't want to do it before John ever opened his mouth."

She was stating the obvious. Privately, Jed had already blamed John and he had come to the same conclusion. His father may have thought he had influence over her, but the truth was that Ellie would have backed out regardless of his input. 

He shifted his complaint. "You didn't even show up when you were supposed to, Abbey."

"I was there before it started."

"But not long enough to give Ellie the confidence she needed to get up there and do it."

"I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this. This is ridiculous." She attempted to turn from him then and continue her trek up the steps, but what he said next caused her temper to rise substantially.

"She'll have to sit there and watch everyone else get a badge that she wants. She'll be the only one not getting it! Don't you even CARE about that?"

Abbey whirled around, her spin so powerful that Jed's head jerked slightly backwards. "She's HEALTHY!" she yelled back. "Right now, that's all I care about." 

"Look..." Jed reached for her hand, but she shrugged out of his hold as she stepped to his side.

"For the record, the reason I was a half hour late is because I was dealing with a situation at the hospital."

"What happened?"

"Megan's mother transferred her deathly ill daughter to another hospital to get her away from Mark, whom she just found out is gay and suspects is the one who gave Megan this disease. And on top of that, Mark may very well lose his job."

Ashamed of his outburst, Jed compassionately tilted his head to the side. "Abbey..."

"It's been a long day, Jed," Abbey interrupted coolly. "I don't want to discuss this anymore. I'm getting ready for bed."

She edged past him and made her way to the top landing before he began to follow. She saw him out of the corner of her eye as she walked into the master bedroom, but she never acknowledged his presence. Jed paced the room directly behind. He took her pajamas out of the top drawer of the dresser and, when she stripped down to her undergarments, he handed them to her. 

"If I apologized for being a jerk back there, would you forgive me?" he asked her in the most remorseful tone she had ever heard. 

Abbey slipped her arms through the sleeves of her silk pajama top and replied, "My silence wasn't meant to encourage your father."

"I know," Jed said softly. He sat on the bed, practically drained of all his energy. "I'm sorry I even said that. I know none of this is your fault. I shouldn't have insinuated otherwise."

His back to was her now and Abbey could see the signs of his frustration in the way he slouched forward. "I didn't want to push Ellie into doing something she didn't want to do. I wasn't thinking of the badge or how she was going to react in the long run. My little girl just looked at me and begged me to take her home. There was no way I was going to say no."

"Yeah." 

She ran the tips of her fingers over his back as she snuck up on his side and took a seat beside him. "I talked to her when I tucked her in. She's upset, but I think she'll be okay. I'll talk to her again tomorrow."

"It's just that she's hurting...and...she's mad at me and I can't stand that." Those crippling insecurities of Jed's were beginning to resurface.

"We'll help her through this. She's mad at you now but she'll move past it. Maybe she can do something else to earn that badge."

"Not in time," he said sadly. "But we'll talk about that later. Tell me about the hospital."

"Not tonight."

He took her hand in his. "Abbey, tell me what happened. Please."

Once he wrapped his arm around her head and pulled her towards his chest, she was finally able to release the emotions she had been hiding since she left the hospital. Jed twirled her auburn waves around his index finger while his palm gently stroked her scalp. One of Abbey's hands was pressed firmly against his chest while the other gripped the back of his shirt and her thumb barely grazed his spine. 

"I can't help Megan. I can't help Mark. I feel so helpless, so out of control." She cried softly. 

"Tell me what I can do." Jed separated their bodies and gazed into her eyes. Those pretty emerald orbs were shining with unshed tears and he placed his thumb just under her bottom lashes to catch a drop of moisture. 

"Nothing. That's the problem, Jed. Nothing." 

Though she didn't make a verbal request, the way she cuddled closer to his chest and clung tight against his frame as her hands clasped around his neck, told him that what she really wanted was to be held. And he would gladly hold her because, tonight, they both needed a comforting touch.

 

TBC


	13. On My Honor

"Ellie, you're going to yank my arm out of the socket." Jed teased his daughter as she tugged on his fingers to lead him around the dining room and into his study.

Since their return from the planetarium a couple of hours earlier, she and her Grandpa Bartlet had practically vanished. A few peeks from Jed and Abbey assured them the duo was fine and the explicit orders to leave before the surprise was ruined revealed their true plans. 

Ellie hadn't completely healed from the sting of finding out she was ineligible for the Space Exploration badge, but she was beginning to come around and the fact that she ready to unveil something she had been working on for so long, proved to Jed that he was making headway with his little girl. 

"You're really going to like it!" she assured her father, guiding him to the brown leather sofa inside the darkened room. 

"You have something to do with this?" Jed asked John, a small smile curving his lips.

"He helped me with the story," Ellie replied. 

"Okay, you've kept me in suspense long enough. What's going on?"

John stood to the side, signaling Ellie to begin with a subtle nod as he hit the switch and turned off the lights. She stuck the head of her flashlight through the cylinder container and suddenly, Jed's eyes were drawn to a cluster of stars that illuminated the black-draped wall. Some of them were bright. Others had been carefully filtered with a thin piece of film to depict the way her constellation would look to a casual stargazer observing the sky. 

The stars slanted to the side and faded the lower they went, the first one enormous compared to those below. Just as Jed prepared to ask about the significance of her pattern, Ellie interrupted with her explanation. 

"A long, long time ago, there was a little boy named Na-Gah who wanted to please his father, but he got lost on top of a mountain. Na-Gah was scared because he couldn't get down. Then when his father found out that Na-Gah climbed the mountain to make him proud and that now he was stuck at the very top, he turned Na-Gah into a star that would never, ever move. The star is the North Star and it helps people find their way back home if they're ever lost or in trouble."

Jed sat back against the cushions, grinning from ear to ear. Not only had Ellie listened and absorbed the old astronomy myth Jed he had told the first night of the Girl Scout camping trip, she had turned it into a story to explain her constellation. Though he didn't say a word as he waited for her to continue, his pride was clearly visible in the way his sapphire eyes sparkled between blinks.

"So my constellation..." Ellie continued as she flicked the flashlight against the tin. "...starts with the North Star on top, but then it goes down because in my story, Na-Gah drops from the sky and all the other stars around him help him get down the slope of that big mountain so he can find his way back home."

"Ellie..." Jed rose to his feet.

"I'm not finished," Ellie complained. "You can also see a little bit of the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper because my constellation is part of them because when it goes down to the mountain, then it goes back up and connects to the handle of the Big Dipper like a gigantic 'V.' That's how you can find it in the sky." She paused for a moment, then spoke up again. "Okay, I'm finished now."

"That was wonderful, Sweetheart!"

"Did you like it?"

"I LOVED it!"

"Really?" Her brows arched and her blue-green eyes sprang to twice their normal size as Jed kneeled down to hug her.

"Absolutely!" 

"So can I have my Space Exploration badge?"

Jed stiffened his posture and pulled away from his young daughter, saddened by the thought that the news he would have to deliver would shatter the joyful expression on her face. "Ellie."

"I did a presentation! I did it and you liked it! You even said so!"

"I did like it. I swear I did."

"Jed..." With his hand firmly on his son's shoulder, John stepped back when Jed stood and spun around to face him. 

"Was this your idea? Did you tell her to do this?"

"I suggested that maybe..."

"You had no right to do that, Dad. You should have talked to me."

"She was upset. You were upset. I was just trying to help." 

Though his sincerity ran deep, it wasn't enough to relieve the suspicions in Jed's mind. He remembered all too well the real John Bartlet. The man who embraced the idea of undermining his own son. The man who tried to manipulate Lizzie all those years ago. The man who reveled in the opportunity to portray himself as a hero, regardless of the cost.

That John Bartlet couldn't have disappeared, Jed reasoned. While the man standing before him was civil and polite, Jed was convinced it was merely a facade to hide his true intentions. He locked eyes with his father as he spoke to his daughter. "Ellie, do me a favor and go upstairs."

"Okay. But can I have my badge?"

"We'll talk about that later." Jed turned his head to look at her. "Go upstairs."

"Let her stay," John intervened. 

"Dad..."

"What's the big deal, Jed? She wants to stay here with us. Let her stay."

"Ellie, go upstairs," Jed repeated in a much firmer tone. 

Reluctantly, Ellie grabbed her flashlight and as her eyes scanned her father and grandfather one last time, she tucked the tin container under her arm and slowly backed out of the room. She sometimes sensed the tension between the two men, but she had never been a witness to their problems. Ever since the night he angrily burst in to John's house to take Lizzie home, Jed kept all three of his girls sheltered from even the minor spats that frequently erupted between him and John. 

Once he heard the click of the door, Jed turned to his father. "Why do you always have to do that?"

"What?"

"Confuse my kids. You always interfere. You did it just now when I told her to go upstairs."

"This is about her. I thought she should be here."

"You're not her father!"

"No, I'm not. If I was, I guarantee you I wouldn't punish her by withholding something she wants this badly. It's not right, Jed." 

Jed rolled his eyes and let out a bitter laugh. "That is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm not punishing her."

John followed him as he paced the room. "Aren't you? She didn't get up there and perform the way you would have. Newsflash - she isn't the skilled orator her father is. She may never be. She may grow up to be old and gray and still hate the idea of performing in public."

"It's too soon to tell what Ellie will or will not be. But that really makes no difference because I'm going to always love her regardless and I would never punish her for who she is."

"Fine. Now's your chance to make good on that promise. That's why I helped her with this presentation tonight. That's why I wanted her to do it for you, to prove..."

"To prove nothing! I can't give her that badge. All you did was get her hopes up. And now I have to go up there and break her heart all over again."

"You don't have to if you don't want to. She did her presentation. What does it matter if she did it here or in a crowded performance hall? She did it. Isn't that the important thing?"

"Don't you think I want to give it her? The rules are..."

"Who do you think you're kidding? This isn't about the rules! This is about you and your desire to make sure Ellie turns out exactly like you. You can't stand it when people have different talents."

That allegation was easy to reject and so Jed carelessly dismissed it with a wave of his hand. "That's so incredibly far from the truth."

But it was John's next accusation that shocked Jed. "That's why you never liked me."

"Excuse me?" Leaning against the wall, Jed jerked to the side to confront his father.

"You never liked me, Jed. You loved me because you had to, but you never liked me. I wasn't as outgoing as you wanted me to be. I wasn't the public servant you expected me to be. I was different."

"I'm sorry. I must be in the Twilight Zone here. Our problem was never that I didn't like you. Our problem was that you resented me because I was all those things that you weren't."

"The problem as you see it, perhaps. What I'm seeing is history repeat itself before my very eyes in the way you treat Ellie. It's very similar to the way you always disapproved of me."

"Don't you dare try to compare yourself to my Ellie! Don't you dare. Ellie is nothing like you."

"And she's nothing like you either and you can't STAND that!" John twirled the doorknob around in his palm for several moments before opening the door. "I know she isn't like me. She's a sweet, precious, sensitive little girl with a giant heart and a smile that would melt a total stranger. So why can't you just accept her for that?"

Jed followed as John hurried through the house and out the front door. "I do accept her."

"About eight years ago, you told me that you didn't want the same relationship with your children that you had with me. You were talking about Lizzie back then. But if you still don't want that, then give Ellie her badge. If you don't, it will drive a wedge between the two of you." John turned then and stepped out onto the deck. Jed walked out behind him.

"My relationship with Ellie is not even close to the kind of friction and turmoil that defined my relationship with you. Not even close."

"In terms of what?"

Teetering at the edge of a line he wasn't sure he wanted to cross, Jed took a few moments to compose himself, then eventually continued. "You said I never liked you. I'm just curious, what was it I was supposed to like? The way you beat the crap out of me whenever I spilled something on the floor? The way you slapped me if I ever dared to disagree with you? The way you punched me if you felt I disrespected you?"

"You were a rambunctious little boy with a mind all your own. You were selfish and demanding, just like you are now. The form of discipline I used..."

"Don't call it discipline. That's not what it was." Inhaling sharply, Jed fought any shred of vulnerability that threatened the tone of his voice and chose a colder, angrier approach. "You never disciplined me. You enjoyed humiliating me every chance you got."

"I tried to keep you in line. If it wasn't discipline, what was it? What do you feel like calling it this time?" John asked, knowing Jed well enough to know he wasn't going to utter the word 'abuse' in his presence. "Isn't this is the same fight we've had before? Once again, you're making me out to be a monster. You want to say you're a better father than I am? Is that what this is about?"

"You can bet your bottom dollar I will never lay an angry hand on my girls. That alone is enough to dispel the myth that my relationship with them is anywhere near as screwed up as yours was with me!"

"Perhaps they don't give you as much trouble as you gave me. It wasn't easy being your father. Something tells me it probably isn't easy being your daughter either."

"My daughters respect me more than you could ever know." He thought hard about his next statement and despite the doubts that nearly stopped him, he said it. "More than I ever respected you."

Wounded by his son's honesty, John lashed out in the only way he felt he could. The only way that would ensure he wasn't the only one in pain. "She loves you because she has to, but there must be a reason that Ellie just doesn't like you very much."

And with those cruel words, the idea was planted in Jed's head. The sensible side of him that would have normally prevailed to battle John's hurtful response, retreated inside a shell of doubt and insecurity. He opened his mouth several times, but nothing ever came out. Instead, he pursed his lips together and lowered his head slightly as he stared up at his father through his long, dark lashes.

For five agonizing minutes, silence lingered between them and the usual nighttime sounds mingled with the incessant chirping of a nearby cricket as both men reeled from the argument. Finally, John took a few steps in approach of the stairs that would lead him off the deck and towards the driveway. Jed instinctively followed to the edge of the porch, but stopped himself with a jolt as he gripped the railing. 

John changed his pace on the way to his car. He slowed himself, spinning around to get one last look at his son. His chest heaving forward, Jed leaned over the wooden barrier and took in a breath of fresh air, his face shadowed by the dim light and manipulated to look like he was unaffected by his father's departure. 

As the breaklights of the dark blue sedan got lost inside a foggy mist, Jed let down his guard and allowed a myriad of emotions to spill from his body in the way he clumsily collapsed onto the creaky porch swing. He rested his forearms on his thighs and tapped his feet in a steady rhythm as he moved back and forth. 

Upstairs, on the second floor of the old Bartlet farmhouse, Lizzie sat by her open bedroom window, staring down at him. She had heard everything. Every insult that John hurled at Jed. Every accusation that Jed threw at John. The mask had come off and the dark family secret Jed tried to keep from his daughters was uncovered in an explosive confrontation that forever fractured Liz's idyllic image of her grandfather.

 

TBC


	14. On My Honor

Liz hid in her room for the next half an hour. The shock had only started to fade when it was replaced by an anger so deep and so strong, the emotion was barely recognizable to her. The poisoned words weren't directed at her, but she still felt the agonizing prick of betrayal.

Anyone who had ever met the Bartlets knew that she and Jed had an unbreakable bond. They had their squabbles from time to time, but Lizzie's love for her father knew no bounds. Her loyalty was immeasurable, her adoration sincere. He was her hero. Her king. The man who was indestructible. Invincible, really.

How dare anyone talk to him the way John had? How dare he have ever raised a hand to a man as wonderful as Jed, a man who had never, ever gotten so lost in anger that he became physically aggressive?

She had seen Jed's temper exceed the boiling point many times. Usually, it was when she or Ellie had defiantly broken a rule or when she had lashed out after getting in trouble for something else. Occasionally, she had witnessed one of the many fights between him and Abbey and once, he had even been annoyed with baby Zoey when she repeatedly probed the electric socket with her tiny fingers, despite his sharp warnings. 

But never had he talked to anyone the way John had spoken to him. It wasn't just harsh or mean, it was downright vindictive, this verbal assault that rendered Jed helpless from Liz's point of view. His voice cracked during the last few exchanges with John, pain lacing every syllable that escaped his quivering lips. And once John was out of sight and Jed fell onto the porch swing, his broad exterior collapsed right along with him. 

He was broken. And now, so was she.

It certainly would have been easier if Liz hadn't peered over the wall of hurt that surrounded her father's torment. Few of the brutal details of the beatings Jed had suffered as a young boy spilled from the confrontation, but they were enough to nurture the images that were now etched in her mind.

"You enjoyed humiliating me," Jed had blurted out and when he did, it jolted Liz right out of her chair.

"...what was it I was supposed to like?" she remembered Jed asking. "The way you beat the crap out of me whenever I spilled something on the floor? The way you slapped me if I ever dared to disagree with you? The way you punched me if you felt I disrespected you?"

His words echoed over and over as a stinging splash of memories washed over her. This was why John Bartlet was rarely involved in family gatherings. This was why years would pass without so much as a phone call between father and son. This was why she was never allowed to spend time alone with John and why she was punished for sneaking over to his house when she was five years old. 

What she then thought was unfair, now made complete sense. 

With the back of her hand, she boldly wiped a single tear before it passed through her dark lashes, then stood up to glance out the window one last time. Jed was still there. Sitting below her in that same creaky old swing, he tapped his feet as he moved back and forth. Lizzie quietly closed the window, threw down her blinds, and headed out of her room. 

Abbey was reclined against her headboard, her reading glasses resting on the bridge of her nose as she flipped the pages of one of the many medical journals that were stacked on her nightstand when Liz barged in without a knock. 

"Mom!"

Abbey looked up at her flustered daughter. "What's going on?"

"Daddy needs you."

"What happened?" 

"He's upset."

"About Ellie?"

"No," Lizzie replied as she moved closer. "He had a fight with Grandfather. And it was pretty bad."

Standing, Abbey ripped her glasses off her face and tossed them on the mattress. "Were you there?"

"No."

"Then how do you..."

"They were fighting out front. My window was open. I heard..."

"You shouldn't have been listening, Lizzie." Liz lowered her head, acknowledging her mother's words. "It doesn't matter. Where's your father?"

"Still outside."

Abbey slipped into a pair of flats and bolted down the stairs towards the front door. Her feet never stopped moving as she mentally prepared herself for what she would find. She hoped it would simply be an angry or agitated Jed, rather than a battered and bruised Jed, but she didn't know until she swung open the door and stepped out into the cold. 

His hand was frozen in mid-air and a cigarette dangled between his fingers as he turned his head to greet her, his stare a clear indication of the overwhelming distress that had taken his appearance hostage. The subtle lines that streaked his face were more visible tonight. His expression was drawn and somber and his eyes held such anguish that she wanted to forget her words and tightly wrap him up in her arms. 

"What did he do?" she immediately asked, her hesitation visible in the baby steps she took in front of him and the way she eased back on the empty seat beside him.

"He convinced Ellie that she would get her badge if she did a private presentation for me."

"And Ellie did it. And you still can't give it to her." It wasn't a question. Abbey curled her fingers under the edge of the swing. "Why would he do that? Why would he play with the emotions of a little girl?"

"Why wouldn't he? He's John Bartlet. That's what he does," Jed countered before taking a puff of his cigarette. "Wait a minute. How did you know about this? Did you hear us?"

"Liz did."

Alarmed, he sat up. "What? What did she hear?"

"Her bedroom window was open. She heard the two of you fighting."

The conversation stopped then, abruptly halted by the intruding panic. Had she heard everything? Had she heard about the physical violence he endured at the hands of his father? He hadn't planned to ever tell his daughters about his abusive childhood, for he feared telling them that he was once a victim of such a thing would mask the strong, virile man he wanted them to see.

He leapt from the swing and spun around himself nervously. "What did she hear? I mean, exactly. What did she hear?"

"I don't know. I came straight down to find you." Abbey bore down on the swing and lifted herself up. "Did he...Jed, did he hurt you?"

"He didn't touch me." Abbey nodded in relief as Jed crushed his cigarette. "How many times have we told Liz that private conversations are PRIVATE?" 

"She couldn't help but overhear. You guys are pretty loud when you fight."

Jed slammed his hand on the doorknob and flung open the door. His shouting drowned out the sound of it bouncing off the wall. "LIZ! Get down here now!"

"Don't be mad at her, Jed. Her bedroom is directly above the porch."

"She could have closed her window," he snapped. "Eliza..." He trailed off as he noticed her cautiously walking downstairs. "What did you hear tonight?"

Liz was glued to her spot two steps from the bottom landing. It was more than idle curiosity that defined his question. She detected that right away. She knew what he was asking. She knew why he was concerned and though this revelation would never change the way she thought of him, she understood his fears. More importantly, she understood him. She took a deep breath and twiddled her fingers around one another before she answered.

"Hardly anything." She lied to protect his pride. "Just the end."

"What part?"

"The very end. You said you didn't respect him and he said..." Her eyes fell to the floor and she found herself unable to finish. It hurt him so much when John said it. She couldn't bear to repeat it. 

"Okay." Her sensitivity didn't go unnoticed. He gave her a reprieve the second she stopped. "He didn't mean it, Lizzie. He was just upset."

She ignored the excused. "I'm sorry I was eavesdropping. I won't do it again." She folded her arms in front of her and began to walk upstairs. Jed followed.

"Hey." He opened his arms wide as she stood on her perch a few steps above and practically jumped into his embrace. Stroking her long chestnut hair, he whispered softly, "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

Liz rested her chin on his shoulder. Her gaze met Abbey's and in that instant, Abbey realized her oldest daughter had been burdened with something more than just petty bickering. It was obvious in the way Liz clutched her father's neck, the way she buried her nails into the fabric of his sweater as her nose twitched from the sniffle she tried to hide. 

Abbey waited until Liz broke the hug a few minutes later, then watched her continue the trek upstairs before she addressed her husband. "You said you didn't respect him and he said...what?" 

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"Jed."

"Abbey, you really don't want to go there."

"I really do." She looked him squarely in the eye and he quickly surrendered. 

"That there must be a reason she doesn't like me," he said quietly. "Ellie. She doesn't like me. That's what he said."

"That's ridiculous. You know that. She loves you."

"Because she has to?"

"Jed..."

"If I don't give her that badge, she'll never forgive me." He turned from her. Perhaps to signal the end of the discussion, she thought at first. Or maybe he didn't want her to question his powerful resolve. He didn't want her to see that he was willing to do whatever he had to to win his daughter's affection. 

Ordinarily, Abbey would have moved closer to him. She would have placed a loving hand on his shoulder and turned him back around so she could tenderly stroke his face, gently finger the tendrils of hair that stubbornly invaded his forehead. She would have soothed him. Comforted him. 

But she did none of those things. Her thoughts and actions were provoked by a raging fury that flipped her stomach into knots. "I don't want him in this house ever again."

Jed spun towards her, surprised. He had always taken the lead when it came to John. Abbey always supported him. "What?"

"I mean it. I don't want him here ever again." Jed opened his mouth, but closed it without a word. "All right?" He stuffed his hands in his pocket and crossed in front of her, confusing her. "Jed?"

"He's my father. What do you want me to say?"

"He's a cruel, vicious man. He knocks you down whenever the mood strikes him and if it isn't with his fists, it's with his acid tongue. I don't want him near this family." He arched his left brow and lifted his head slightly, but didn't respond. "Jed?"

"I don't know what you want me to say." It was the little boy inside him screaming for his father's approval that kept him shackled to the loyalty he felt for this man. 

"You're an adult. I would never try to tell you what to do. Of course I wish you wouldn't let him do this to you. It absolutely KILLS me when he tears you down the way he does."

"I know."

"But I can't stop you from continuing to have a relationship with him. What I'm saying is I don't want him around our girls. I don't want them to grow up in the kind of dysfunctional environment John Bartlet creates. I need you to support me on that."

He didn't want it anymore than she did. Above all else, Jed loved his daughters and though he wasn't ready to sever all ties with his father once and for all, he was more than prepared to dissolve John's relationship with Lizzie, Ellie, and Zoey. 

This was his second chance, after all. He blew it with Lizzie when he helped her lie to Jed and Abbey so he could see her. Now, he was undermining Jed's authority with Ellie. Allowing him to get close to Zoey wasn't even a possibility.

"Yeah, okay. You're right," Jed replied as he took a step up the stairs. "I have to go talk to Ellie."

"Jed?"

"Yeah?"

Abbey stepped up next to him and leaned in for a small kiss, her hands initially framing his face then falling around his shoulders as she held him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"She's going to get over it. Don't give her this badge because your father manipulated you into it. There were rules. She knew that. If you do this now, the only lesson she's going to learn is that you're going to come to her rescue and bend those rules just to give her what she wants."

"That's easy for you to say, Abbey. You're not the one she hates." His shoulders rounded, he walked out of her hold and continued up the stairs and into Ellie's room.

She was sitting at the white homework desk facing her wall. She heard the turn of the knob and abandoned her drawing, looking up at him happy and excited as he walked in. Jed let out a heavy sigh and sat on the edge of the bed behind her. Ellie twisted in her chair so she could see him. 

"Can I have my badge?"

Two very different answers tumbled around in his brain. He wanted to tell her yes, of course she could have her badge, but then he was reminded of his talk with Ellie's former leader, Miss Shelly. She had told him he would be confronted with decisions like this. She warned him that the only way he could be his daughter's leader was if he learned to separate Ellie the Girl Scout from Ellie his child. 

He thought about what Abbey had said only moments earlier. Yes, he could blur the requirements in a way that would qualify Ellie, but in an organization that valued structure and rules above everything else, he would be sending Ellie a message he really didn't want to send. 

The right decision was clear. He just had to summon his courage to make it. 

"Ellie..." he started.

"Please, Daddy? Please?"

Jed stood and paced the room, unable to look at her sweet face as he broke the news. "Every time we start the meetings, what's the oath we recite?"

Ellie jumped to her feet, holding up her right hand as she replied. "On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country, to help people at all times, and to live by the Girl Scout law."

"That's right. That's what we say every single week. That's the promise we make. If I put your name down for a badge that you didn't earn, neither of us would living by the Girl Scout law, would we? It wouldn't be honest because you didn't complete the requirements."

"But I was scared."

"I know you were, Ellie. And we'll do something about that. We'll tackle the other requirements together and we'll get you that badge in May, but I just can't give it to you next month. There isn't time to redo the tasks."

"But I had the best project! I did my presentation for you!"

"I loved your presentation. I really did, but you didn't do it when you needed to - at the astronomy show." Ellie plopped down onto her chair as Jed moved behind her. "I can't give you the badge. I'm so sorry your grandfather got your hopes up. I'm so sorry about that."

Ellie was the quiet one in the family. The one who rarely argued. The one who retreated inside herself when she was feeling hurt or embarrassed. And so, she swallowed her sadness and edged her drawing in a desperate effort to detour a stream of tears that burned her twinkling eyes.

"It's okay," she said. 

Jed stared down at the beautiful red and pink colors that exploded from the star-shaped object she was tracing. "What are you drawing?" 

"It's a supernova. Just like Susie's project."

"I know a little something about those. You want some help?"

Ellie shook her head and answered coolly. "No thanks." 

He withdrew the hand he offered and stepped back. "Okay." 

The rejection tugging at his heart, Jed leaned down to kiss the top of her head before he left her room only to relax against the wall directly outside her door. His thoughts wavered repeatedly and he was overwhelmed with remorse and doubt during his failed attempts to forget his father's haunting words. 

Still at her desk, Ellie furiously lifted her paper and crumpled it up on her way to the small plastic trash can in the corner. It fell from her fingers at the very moment she noticed the cylinder tin that housed her constellation. She had spent four weeks designing those stars, perfecting the pattern so that it was an exact match for her version of the astronomy legend that captivated her attention. 

Defeated by disappointment, she hurled it into the waste basket, then crashed onto her bed as her small frame trembled with a sob.

 

TBC


	15. On My Honor

Ellie looked up at her mother, then sprinkled the bread crumbs over the turkey, pasta, and veggies that filled the baking dish. "Am I doing it right?"

"You're doing it great!"

Chores in the Bartlet house were always assigned with a purpose. Tonight, after Abbey and Ellie prepared the turkey tetrazzini, Jed and Lizzie would set and clear the table and wash the dishes afterwards. Teaming up with their daughters instead of sending them out on solo tasks was a way to bond with the girls, to steal a few moments for private conversations, or to simply squeeze in some quality time while helping out around the house. 

"I want it to be really delicious," Ellie said as she dipped the crumbs into the corner with a small spoon.

"You're getting so good at this, you could probably earn your cooking badge with no problem," Abbey replied. She tilted her head to the side when Ellie's joyful expression suddenly faded and the seven year old stared down at the dish. "Ellie, I know you're still upset about the Space Exploration badge."

Ellie shrugged. "A little."

Abbey tucked a finger under her chin to raise her head. "Did I ever tell you about the time your father tried to get his hiking badge when he was a Boy Scout?"

"No."

"This badge was special. It was blue and green with mountains on it and every boy in his troop wanted it, but in order to get it, they had to complete a two-hour hike during a camping trip in the White Mountains."

"Then that was easy because Daddy likes to hike."

"Now he does. I'm not so sure about then. Anyway, while they were hiking, your dad stopped to tie his shoe and as he bent over, his compass fell out of his pocket and into a small stream."

"Did he get it back?"

"He did, but he didn't want to hold up the other guys, so he didn't call for help. Instead, he fished it out of the water, then ran to catch up with everyone else. Only, there was a fork in the trail and he didn't know which way they had gone. He took one route, but he didn't see them, so he turned around to take the other path, but by then, he was confused about where he even started and his compass wasn't working very well."

"So he got lost?" Ellie sympathetically asked, remembering the scary few hours she spent in the woods during the Girl Scout camping trip in September. 

"Yeah, he got lost. He was lost for an entire night, Ellie. The troop leader didn't even know where they had abandoned him and it was dark by the time they figured out he was missing. It wasn't until the next morning they found him."

"Was he okay?"

"He was cold and scared, probably the way you were when you got lost in the woods. I think that's why he was upset with you at first. He was so worried that you had gone through what he went through."

"But we weren't lost for the whole night. We spent the night with another troop who found us."

"Your dad wasn't so lucky. He was all by himself and he had to start his own fire just to keep warm. He told me he stayed up all night because he was afraid of the animals he could hear in the distance."

"They didn't hurt him, did they?"

"No," Abbey answered, touched that Ellie was so affected by the thought of her father injured that her face nearly crumpled until she heard her mother's response. "He didn't get hurt. In fact, when they finally found him, he was curled up next to a tree surrounded by a couple of squirrels he had become awfully friendly with."

Ellie laughed. "He was friends with the squirrels?"

"It became lonely out there. Apparently, the squirrels ran from him at first, then gathered around him when he shared the few crackers he was carrying with him. It was a small price to pay, he told me, to have someone - or something - to talk to."

"I bet he told them all about the stars!"

"I'm sure he did," an amused Abbey agreed. "Anyway, the point is, his leader felt so bad about what happened, and he was so impressed with your dad because he had survived a whole night by himself in the woods, that he wanted to award him with the hiking badge anyway."

"Daddy deserved it."

"No, Sweetie, he didn't. Your father wanted it and he almost took it, but at the last minute, he said he couldn't because he was supposed to complete the hike and he hadn't done that. When they found him, they carried him back to camp through a short-cut, so he didn't walk the trail. He didn't finish."

"Oh." Ellie was so convinced Jed didn't understand her position, but learning he had been in the same situation as a young boy softened her feelings considerably.

"Instead, he rejected the badge and a few weeks after the ceremony, the troop went to the same campsite. Your dad led the hike through the mountains and this time, he walked the whole thing."

"So then he got his badge?"

"Yep! Because no matter how badly he wanted to get it at the same time all his friends did, he couldn't bring himself to wear his uniform if it had a badge on it that he hadn't earned. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"I think so." 

"He would give anything if he could give you the badge, Ellie. But it would be dishonest and that goes against everything the Girl Scouts are about, doesn't it?" 

Ellie reluctantly nodded. "Yeah."

"Your dad and I can help you get your badge, just not by the ceremony next month. I know you're upset about that, but sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to." Abbey lifted the baking dish and slid it into the oven.

"What if I never get it?"

"You will. Your dad's a genius when it comes to astronomy and do I have to remind you I'm a scientist myself? We're going to help you. Both of us. But before we can, you've gotta do something for me."

"What?"

"Give your dad a break. You've been making him feel very bad, Ellie."

Confused, she arched her brows. "I didn't mean to make him feel bad."

"But you have," Abbey countered as she took a damp washcloth to the countertop. "Are you really mad at him?" Again, Ellie shrugged. "You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you're mad at yourself more than you are at him. You wish now that you had given your presentation, but Sweetie, you can't change what happened. You were overwhelmed that night."

"Is Daddy mad that I didn't do it?" Convinced she had disappointed Jed as much as he had disappointed her, Ellie held her breath while she waited for Abbey's answer.

"No, he isn't. I think the only person your father is mad at is himself and that isn't fair because he did nothing wrong. He's not trying to punish you. He just wants you to be the very best Girl Scout you can be and in order to do that, you have to be honest."

"I am honest."

"I know you are. I never have to doubt what you say because you've never lied to me. You never tell people you did something you didn't do. That's why you can't have this badge until you earn it. That makes sense, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Ellie sadly replied. This was the same message Jed tried to send her, but she was so lost in her anger and bitterness that she made no effort to comprehend his words.

"So how about you stop blaming your dad?"

"Does he still want to help me get my badge?"

"I'm sure he does, but maybe you want to ask him later? Make him feel like you want his help."

"I do want his help," she confirmed.

"I'm sure he'd love to hear that."

Ellie knew she was taking advantage of the fact that her leader was her father, the man who put her needs and wants above everything else. But her young mind hadn't allowed her to see the bigger picture. The whole board, Jed would call it in one of his famous chess metaphors. So it was Abbey's job to soothe the turbulence between Jed and Ellie by helping her separate Jed, her father from Jed, her leader. After all, she told her daughter, if Miss Shelly was still her leader, Ellie would have realized she wouldn't get her badge and she would have accepted it without a fight. 

Armed with a new perspective, Ellie prepared to make peace with Jed that night. Unfortunately, before she could broach the subject, something else monopolized the dinnertable discussion.

"'We did nothing wrong. My daughter did nothing wrong and now she's dying because her doctor failed to disclose that he has this gay disease,' Carmichael said in a phone interview."

Lizzie read the newspaper article without pausing until the juice Abbey poured into Zoey's sippy cup overflowed the rim and splashed onto the tray. "They have a quote from her? She spoke to the press?"

"Abbey." Jed leapt to his feet to help his wife clean up the mess.

"Does he have it, Mom? Does Mark have the gay disease?"

"Don't call it that, Lizzie," Abbey replied as she dried Zoey's interfering hands.

"But that's what people call it." 

"I don't care what other people say. It isn't a gay disease and I don't want you calling it that."

"What is it then?" Encouraged by Jed and Abbey to come to the dinnertable each and every night with a current events item ready to discuss, Liz wasn't afraid to ask questions. 

"It's a virus of some sort. We don't know much about it yet."

"But the article says that close to ninety people have died from it and they're all gay."

"What's gay?" Ellie asked her sister.

"It's when a man wants to marry another man, El. Or when a woman wants to marry another woman. It's like Mom's friend, Uncle Mark and his friend Kevin."

Jed interrupted before Lizzie continued. "All right, look, your mother said we don't know much about this illness, but something we do know is that there's no such thing as a gay disease. That's not how diseases work. They don't target people."

"It really steams me the way this story was written." With Zoey taken care of, Abbey took her seat and skimmed the article, shaking her head in disgust. "The reporter's only sources are Megan's mother and her current doctor in Boston. I bet she didn't even bother to get Mark's side."

"She didn't talk to the hospital either, did she?"

"It says here our hospital declined comment." She threw the paper across the table. "Can you believe that? They're going to let them run this trash and crucify one of the most brilliant doctors on staff without so much as a word."

"That's probably because the hospital hasn't decided how to handle this yet," Jed offered as he picked up the paper.

"There's absolutely no science in that story! It's all based on the diagnosis of a Boston physician and a mother's conjecture. I wish I could call the reporter and inform her that there's no possible way that Mark can pass on a disease he doesn't have."

"You can't do that, you know," he told her. "Call the reporter."

"Why not? I was the consulting physician on this case. Mark came to me to ask about a lung biopsy. If I go on the record, I could tell the world what others are afraid to say."

"The hospital officially declined comment, Abbey. If you said anything, if you gave any indication that you were this little girl's doctor and you disputed the claims, you could be fired."

"I'm starting to wonder if that would be so bad."

"Honey, I love you for your passion, but if you get kicked out of your residency this late into the game, that's it. You can't go on the record. You know that."

Abbey posture shrank in acknowledgment. "Yeah."

Jed folded the paper and laid it beside his plate, then looked up at his wife with eyes sparkling with determination. "But I can."

"You?"

"I'm a state representative. This is a health issue that's affecting the people I represent. If you coached me on what to say, scientifically, I could come out as someone unrelated to the hospital but still knowledgeable enough to discount blatant ignorance that's sure to cause panic within the community."

"I think you should, Dad," Liz encouraged him. "If it isn't a gay disease then it's not right that people say it is. You should tell them that."

"I think you should do it too, Daddy," Ellie added.

"Are we all in agreement?" Jed rested his eyes on Abbey.

"No. You're not going to take the bullet for me on this. If you come out as a politician, you're going to provoke all your enemies to come out as well and then it turns into a political issue."

"It already is a political issue, Abbey. The President has yet to acknowledge there's a problem. Do you really think the federal government wouldn't be funding this thing to the hilt if it had showed up anywhere besides the gay population first? The CDC lab assigned to this thing can barely afford microscopes, you said so yourself."

"And what if people hate what you have to say? You're running again next year, Jed. I can't let you risk your seat in the State House for me."

"It's not just for you. Innocent people like Mark are being ostracized all over this country and it's time someone stood up for them...publicly."

"That should be me, not you."

"No," he said again, a little more sternly this time. "You're not going to throw away all your years of med school and training to make a point that I'm quite capable of making without losing my career. If I piss people off, I'll work harder to win them back next year. You'll help me."

That was the Jed she knew and loved. Protective of her, yet willing to gear up for a fight to defend others. More than his ego, his dedication to his fellow man was the driving force behind his commitment to public service. A warm smile was her response and with a reassuring squeeze of his arm, she asked Lizzie to watch Zoey and then retreated to the living room. 

Jed followed. "Abbey?"

"We'll talk about it in a second. It's just after six. I want to see if the TV stations picked up the story."

She surfed past the Boston channels and landed on one out of Manchester, stepping back to watch when she saw the familiar hospital graphic behind the anchor.

"A New Hampshire girl is battling a rare form of pneumonia tonight and her mother says she caught it from her pediatrician." The anchor threw the coverage to a reporter and suddenly, images of ten-year-old Megan filled the screen.

"Six weeks ago, Megan Carmichael was a healthy, happy little girl," the reporter began.

"Not again." Abbey moved closer to her husband and as he wrapped an arm around her waist, she leaned into his chest and exclaimed, "Mark doesn't have this thing!" 

They watched the rest of the broadcast, stunned that there was no mention of the disease itself. It didn't surprise Jed nearly as much as it did Abbey. While constantly monitoring the news, he had already noticed that aside from occasional briefs, the mainstream press had ignored GRID as much as possible.

But it was something else that caught Jed's eye and made his gasp in amazement. It was an interview with someone he immediately recognized, someone he already despised.

"Doctors are supposed to save lives, not take them! It's a travesty! It's unconscionable that this little girl is fighting for her life because of the immorality of her doctor. He may not show the symptoms, but he has it. This is an issue we, lawmakers, need to think seriously about. Given the complexities of the disease, maybe doctors who engage in homosexual behavior shouldn't be allowed to be doctors. Maybe it should be known that if you break God's rules, you don't get to practice medicine in the state of New Hampshire. Or teach, or be a cop, or anything else that puts the rest of us normal folks at risk."

Elliot Roush.

How Jed hated that name. How he hated the bigotry that defined this man. He hated the way Elliot manipulated his religious beliefs to defend his own ignorance. He hated the way Elliot's voice trembled when he raised it while delivering a floor speech in the State House. He hated the way Elliot's dark eyebrows narrowed when someone dared to challenge him. He hated Elliot Roush and that clip was a perfect example as to why. 

"Wow." Nearly speechless, Abbey left Jed's embrace and shut off the television. She turned to look at her husband, concerned when Jed's face seemed frozen in time, his eyes staring blankly at the screen. "Jed?"

He waited another few seconds before he said, "Yeah. I'm in this thing now."

TBC


	16. On My Honor

Jed fidgeted, sighed, and paced. Then, he glanced at Abbey and as their eyes locked in one brief moment, he could see the rage that stirred inside her. She took long, steady breaths, wrinkled her forehead, and opened her mouth, closing it before a single syllable could escape her lips. Her frustration quickly rivaled his.

"Elliot Roush is an idiot," she said, her soft tone a jolting contradiction to the anger that flowed behind the fury in her eyes.

"We always knew that. We always knew he was a bastard, but banning homosexuals? Banning them from practicing medicine, law enforcement...from teaching? Is that what he's really proposing?" Unlike Abbey, Jed's rage flourished rapidly. His voice was booming now.

"He's fueling the hysteria."

"Of course he's fueling the hysteria! That's what he does."

"I don't know what makes me angrier. The fact that the news media consistently ignores GRID, or that when they do cover it, they get it wrong. It isn't the pneumonia Stella Carmichael says Megan caught. The pneumonia is just a symptom of the disease."

"They don't know the difference and neither does the public. That's why we...I...should say something to the press. You need to coach me on the medical side before Roush lashes out with more of his ignorance."

Disgusted, Abbey shook her head. "What is he planning...Roush? Is he thinking that he'll be right in the long run and he's setting himself up for a congressional run in '82?"

"No way. Bradley's got '82 locked up. He'd be crazy to run."

"Then what?"

"Maybe he's eyeing '84. Or maybe this isn't about his political career as much as it is about the fact that the man's a bigot!" Jed growled. 

"Awfully brazen of him."

"He's been looking for ways to sideline homosexuals for years. He fought the legislation that finally got rid of the state sodomy laws back in '74. Remember?"

"How could I forget?" Abbey asked with a sarcastic chuckle. "We weren't even living in New Hampshire and it enraged you for a good six months."

"Yeah, well, this is going to do the same. He can't have the last word on this." Jed walked around the sofa, his steely determination apparent in the way he slammed his hands on the back and leaned forward. "I'll take care of Elliot Roush."

"MOMMY!"

The scream came from the dinnertable. So loud and horrific, it physically shook Jed. He leapt to his feet and before he could even turn towards the intruding sound, Ellie ran towards them. 

"Zoey tried to eat one of the rolls and she's choking! She can't breathe!" 

Abbey dashed around her middle daughter and turned the corner that led to the kitchen table. She gasped when she saw Zoey's mouth hanging open. A rosy blush colored her cheeks and her feet kicked sharply from under her tray as she fought for a breath of air. Liz's trembling fingers coiled around the latch to remove Zoey from her high chair. 

"I can't get it!" the thirteen-year-old exclaimed in a tearful plea for help.

"Go call 9-1-1!" Abbey ordered as she pushed her out of the way and released Zoey from the constraint. 

Jed held on to her legs while Abbey hoisted her up and then lowered her to the ground. The toddler nearly collapsed then, her tiny frame quivering as Jed yanked her to her feet so Abbey could kneel behind her and wrap herself around Zoey's waist. She positioned a closed fist above the little girl's belly button and thrust her hand upward several times. 

In the corner, Ellie covered her hands tightly over her eyes, peeking between her fingers when she wasn't clenching them shut. Frightened and sobbing, she watched her baby sister jerk violently with every thrust. 

"It's okay, Ellie." Jed gently twisted her blonde ringlets, encouraging her to bury her face against his leg and when she did, he reached down to pick her up. "Your mom knows what she's doing."

Suddenly, the uneaten bread hurled across the room and a high-pitched squeal echoed around them as Zoey burst into tears. Abbey pulled on her daughter's shoulders. Her hands extended, Zoey bounced up and down, desperately begging to be held.

Abbey opened her arms wide and lifted her up into an embrace so close that it caused her arms to tingle slightly. "I know it hurt, Sweetheart. I know." 

Zoey's gut-wrenching cries eventually melted into faint whimpers after several minutes of her mother's tender strokes across her back. It was only then that Ellie dared to look. "Is she okay?"

"She's okay," Abbey confirmed. 

Once he put her down, Jed squatted to dab Ellie's tears with a tissue before making his way to Abbey and Zoey. "See? Your mom always knows just what to do."

"Mom?" Relief washed over Liz's features as well. She held out the receiver, waiting for Abbey's instructions.

"Oh. Cancel the ambulance. Tell them she's fine."

"You're absolutely sure?" Jed questioned.

"Yeah. I am going to take her to the E.R. though, just as a precaution."

"I want to come too," he replied. 

"What about the girls? Mrs. Weaver's on vacation this week."

"I can babysit!" Liz volunteered, hanging up the kitchen phone to join her parents. "I'll make sure Ellie does her homework and we won't touch the stove or the oven or anything else. I promise."

"No." Jed had never been comfortable allowing the girls to stay home alone. Any time he considered the possibility, he was hit with a reminder of the firecracker incident from his own youth, a gag devised by his brother Jack - while their parents were out - that permanently instilled in him a fear of fire.

"Jed." Abbey subtly nudged him. "I was 12 when I started babysitting Kate. I think Lizzie can handle it. Besides, Harry's still out at the barn feeding the horses."

He contemplated the idea for a few minutes while Abbey draped Zoey's coat over the young girl's drooping shoulders and managed to finagle her arms into the sleeves. "We're going to call every 10 minutes," he said at last. "If something happens, you get Harry."

Liz's face was beaming with appreciation for the chance to prove she was growing into a mature, responsible teenager. "I will."

With Lizzie's pledge to guard the fort, Jed reluctantly followed Abbey out the door, his thoughts continuously wavering between his two older daughters and his sniffling baby. Zoey was more subdued now, but every effort she made to speak ended with another sob. Her words were still broken by the earlier pain of the abdominal thrusts. 

By the time they walked into the hospital, she had relaxed her grip on Abbey's arm and squirmed to scan the bustling emergency room, crying softly when she feared her parents would pass her off to one of the doctors. Jed calmed her with a few comforting strokes of her hair as they took their seats in the waiting room. 

Nurses, doctors, and medical personnel crowded around frequently. Each time they passed by, Abbey noticed what she believed Jed was ignoring. The gloves.

Most were wearing them. Every time they scurried from one room into another, she heard the familiar sound of latex snapping around their wrists as they disposed of one pair and slipped on another. Outside the operating room, she had never before seen so many healthcare professionals wearing gloves. 

It made sense, she thought. The story had broken locally and what had begun as a health crisis that affected a small number of people around the world, was now invading their quintessential New England town. Of course they were concerned, Abbey told herself. No one knew how to stop the spread of a disease lurking outside the magnifying glass of modern science. A disease none of them could explain nor control. 

Hypnotically, her eyes bore into those gloves and for the first time in her career, she felt crippled by the powerlessness that came from admitting she was concerned too. 

When they were finally called to an exam room, she cradled Zoey in her arms and waited patiently for the doctor before she sat her daughter on the bed. Doctor Sandra Gray glanced at Zoey's chart and though she had just washed her hands, when she put her bare fingers to Zoey's chin, urging her to open her mouth, Abbey intervened. 

"Wait!"

"Yes?" Dr. Gray looked up, astonished by the urgency in Abbey's voice. 

Ashamed of what she was about to ask, Abbey whispered, "It's just...would you mind...could you please put on a pair of gloves?"

Jed stared at his wife for several silent moments, then nodded as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. He was surprised by the request only because, lately, Abbey had been so confident in her defense of Mark that she dismissed the paranoia escalating around the country. It was a result of misinformation, she repeatedly told him while she focused on the facts buried in a mountain of CDC reports.

But then he remembered the other Abbey. The one who came to his office the day she had been ambushed by a dilemma so troubling, it took her hours just to confess her thoughts. That Abbey was vulnerable. She was panicked and visibly rattled. That was the Abbey he was seeing now and it was clear in the way she refused his stare that even she was uncomfortable with this side of herself. 

So, he didn't try to address the subject. This was something he was certain Abbey would approach when she was ready. And he was right. Once the girls were all tucked in later that evening, she staggered into the bedroom, her face hidden momentarily as she peeled off her shirt.

She crossed to the other side to pick up a pair of silk pajamas he had laid out for her and without hesitation, she began. "You can say it, you know."

"Say what?"

"That I'm a hypocrite." She walked to the edge of the bed and sat down on her side. "You said yourself that it's ignorance that's causing panic throughout the community. I'm not uninformed. I have the facts and I still don't want my little girl seeing a doctor without proper safeguards...without gloves"

"No one has all the facts," he said as he ran his fingernails up and down her bare back just before she slipped her top over her shoulders. "I don't think you're a hypocrite, Abbey. I think you're human. You're just as scared as everyone else."

Twisting at the waist, she turned to face him. "Elliot Roush is scared. I don't see you making excuses for him."

"Don't compare yourself to him. He's singling out one segment of the population so he can expand the scope of his hatred towards gays. That's not what you're doing. That's not what any of the people at the hospital are doing."

"Thank God for that, right?"

Jed sat up as she bowed down to climb into her pants. "I saw them too...the gloves. Most of them were wearing gloves."

Abbey snapped her head and gazed at him over her shoulder. "I didn't think you noticed."

"I did." He tugged on the sheets to cover her when she reclined, sliding her legs underneath. "As many times as we've been to the E.R. with Liz and Ellie, I've never seen that many nurses and doctors wearing latex gloves. It's a scarier world now - for all of us."

Abbey cuddled up against his body. Her head was tucked under his chin and her hand rested on his chest. "If I wasn't there, would you have asked Dr. Gray to wear gloves?"

"Maybe." Jed spun his finger around a strand of her soft auburn hair. "You know what I think though?"

"What?"

"That you saved your daughter's life tonight and there was no way you were going to take a chance, no matter how small, that she would be hurt some other way. The rules change when it's your child."

"Well that didn't help."

"Why?"

She raised her head to look at him. "Because now I'm sympathizing with Megan's mother and I don't want to do that because she's ruining Mark's career for no reason. Mark isn't ill, Jed. He made an appointment to have a full exam just to prove it."

"She's scared too, Abbey. Stella Carmichael is just as scared as you are and it's her daughter we're talking about."

"I know," Abbey admitted, relaxing against him once again.

"When the girls are scared, you tell them it's okay to be afraid. Sometimes, in life, being afraid is a good thing. It's your body's reaction to danger, to risks that are not yet known."

"We're not talking about a monster under the bed."

"No, we're not. We're talking about a monster that's out in the open. If you're looking for a villain in this thing, it's the virus. If you're looking for a human to fight against, it's Elliot Roush. He's the one using this to cause public panic through false facts just so he can further his bigotry."

"I know you're right." Abbey nodded. "And since the hospital has chosen to remain silent instead of standing up for Mark, it's up to us to set him straight."

"I was hoping you'd agree." A small smile peaked the corners of his lips.

"We'll go over the language and medical terminology tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Jed dropped a kiss to the top of her head. 

 

TBC


	17. On My Honor

The applause that thundered through the room, bouncing off the walls and reverberating through the rows was nearly deafening. Jed and Abbey jumped to their feet. Ellie stood beside her mother, smiling and cheering, while Zoey snuggled up in her father's arms and followed his lead, clapping her tiny hands together just as he had done moments earlier.

Along with the hundreds of fans packed inside the gymnasium, the family descended the bleachers and watched as the teams congratulated one another.

"We won! We won!" Lizzie shouted when she saw them approaching.

"That's was FANTASTIC!" Jed lowered Zoey to the ground and wrapped an arm around his oldest daughter, releasing his hold only when Abbey nudged her way between them. 

"Your father is absolutely right," she said as she intervened. "I'm so proud of you, Lizzie."

"Thanks, but I didn't do that much."

"Nonsense!" Jed dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand. "It's because of you the team won."

"I didn't score the basket. Melissa did."

"That wasn't your job," he reminded her. "You're a point guard. Passing the ball to Melissa was exactly what you should have done."

"Yeah, but it would have been better if..." Liz's voice faded into a whisper as Jed shook his head.

"She was in the best position to make the basket and when you play team sports, your primary concern should be what's good for the team. You proved today that it is. Now, if you want to work on your outside shot, we can do that too, but today, you did the best job you possibly could for your team."

"You think so?"

"I know so. And I'm never wrong. You know that, right?" She giggled. "I could swear I didn't hear an answer."

"Yes, Dad, I know that."

The fluent rapport between Jed and Liz never went unnoticed by Ellie. Liz was as close to her father as Ellie was to her mother. Their conversations were effortless. Their bond was indestructible. Occasionally, when she was feeling disconnected from Jed, Ellie envied that relationship.

She struggled to understand her father as much as he struggled to understand her. At times, they both believed they were so far apart on the personality spectrum that nothing could narrow the gap between them. But certain others knew better. Jed and Ellie weren't really that different, Abbey suspected. Liz inherited Jed's determination and fortitude, but Ellie inherited his virtue.

It was that knowledge that provoked her discussion with Ellie days earlier while they were cooking dinner. Turning the Girl Scout badge issue into a conversation about honesty versus dishonesty and morality versus immorality was the ideal way to reach Ellie. Unfortunately, soon after her interference, both she and Jed were so enthralled in the politics surrounding GRID that Ellie never addressed the subject with Jed. 

Tension still smoldered between them in the way they awkwardly passed each other up and down the stairway at home, or the way Jed tucked her in at night, reading to her from a storybook instead of sharing original anecdotes and legends he had learned over the years. Ellie's anger stung him and, in response, he buried his vulnerability out of fear of personal rejection. 

While Ellie searched for the opportunity to make things better, she wrestled with the first move. Her instincts demanded she approach her father with heartfelt words, but unlike him, words never flowed off the tip of her tongue. So instead, she clutched on to a different form of expression. 

For a couple of hours that afternoon, she locked herself in her bedroom to work on the perfect way to convey her message. Frustration loomed around her and several attempts ended with crumpled construction paper nearly overflowing the rim of her trash can. But finally, she smiled sweetly as she pushed the old wooden chair out from her white desk and jogged down the stairs.

"Daddy!" she called out, skipping over the final two steps and jumping onto the bottom landing. 

"In the study!" Jed yelled back. 

Ellie peeked around the corner before she made herself fully visible. Her hands were folded behind her back, hidden from his view as she walked through the doorway. "I made you something."

"What's that?" She presented him with the card she held tight between her fingers. Jed leaned his back against his desk and pulled his glasses off his face, curiously arching his brow when he accepted it. "It's a beautiful drawing of a star."

"There's more. Open it."

He turned the front flap to see what appeared to be a small spark illuminating the star, then glanced at the other side, practically awestruck at the myriad of red and purple colors that covered the celestial point of light. "Wow."

"See? It's the end of a star's life. A superno..."

"...supernova," Jed finished. "I recognize it."

"So I got it right? It looks like it's supposed to?"

"It looks exactly like it's supposed to." He closed it, but before his eyes wandered from the card to her, they paused on the question mark she had drawn on the back. "What does that mean?"

"All Susie talked about in her project is what happens when a star dies and I don't know what happens after that. Like, does another star replace it or does that corner of the sky stay empty forever?"

"I'm sure we can find out."

"Can we? Because I want to do a whole report on it and I want to see one and I want to write it down so I can show the others and then, maybe in March, I can get the Space Explorer badge." She stopped then and stared directly into his eyes. "Will you help me please?"

She said it so softly, apprehensive almost, as if she was scared to hear his response. But Jed barely hesitated. He treasured the question. His heart warming with a tingle, he took a deep breath before he spoke. "Yes. I will definitely help you." 

In the hall just steps away from the study, Abbey heard the calm, happy voices. She suspiciously furrowed her brows as she approached and when she gently opened the door and poked her head around the frame to spy on father and daughter, the corner of her lips curved with a smile and her cheeks rose, wrinkling the delicate skin under her lashes.

Jed had lifted Ellie onto his shoulders so she could pick out her favorite astronomy book from the top shelf of the bookcase. "Got it?" 

"Yeah," Ellie answered. "But do I have to get down?"

"You having fun up there, are you?" Jed bounced slightly, thwarting her effort to grab another book. 

"Daddy!" Ellie chuckled.

"Is this a private party?"

Jed spun around towards Abbey's voice. "Hey."

"You're going to break your back."

"She's not heavy," he insisted at first, surrendering the fight only moments later when he kneeled to the floor to help Ellie down. 

"Daddy's going to help me while you go to work."

"He is?" Abbey grinned at her husband. It was a grin he knew so well, one he was eager to return.

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" he asked.

"Certainly." She followed him out into the hall. "Did you see the smile on her face? She's thrilled you're helping her, Jed."

"Yeah, thanks to you, right? You told her to come to me." His head was turned to the side and not a hint of contempt escaped his stare as he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"I had nothing to do with this." A lie told so boldly that Jed almost believed her. But then, he reminded himself that this was Abbey and that she did this sometimes. If a fib gave him some comfort, she'd tell it. If, with a bluff, she could protect his feelings, she'd do it. 

"Okay," he replied simply, a wink and a single nod letting her know he wasn't fooled. "Whatever you did or didn't do...thanks."

"Jed, I told you..." 

He silenced her with his index finger pressed against her soft pink lips. "I know what you told me," he replied just as he tilted his head to kiss her.

Her gaze never left him when she eventually broke the kiss. "I have to go to work." 

"I know that too."

"I'll try to be home before midnight."

"I'll wait up."

She turned from him then and as she swung her coat over her shoulders and began to button it all the way down, her anxiety piqued with thoughts of the hospital. Jed's press interview hit the local paper that morning. His response to Elliot Roush's short-sighted proposal and bigoted comments about gays extended beyond political jargon and danced just outside the bubble that separated a lay person's medical knowledge from a doctor's. 

She realized her colleagues might suspect she had a something to do with her husband's facts and statistics, but she was wrong when she figured their suspicions would fester in silence. 

"Are you out of your mind?" Mark greeted her as she exited the fourth floor elevator.

"Not usually, no," Abbey answered.

"What's this?" The newspaper had been folded into a narrow rectangle. The side he waved in front of her was marked with a yellow highlighter.

"It looks like today's paper." She attempted to skirt around him, but he walked beside her without an inch of personal space.

"Abbey, everyone is going to know you gave this interview."

"I did no such thing."

"Jed may have been the one speaking, but many of these words are yours. It's hospital policy to route all press inquiries through the Communications and Public Relations Department, especially when the hospital has already chosen not to go on the record. You know that. So why in the world would you go to a reporter? Why would you criticize the hospital? And why on earth would you criticize the staff?

"Are you seriously naive enough to believe that my husband is my microphone? Jed said what he wanted to say. Okay, yes, I coached him on the medical aspects of the disease, but the words and the sentiment...they're his and last time I checked, this hospital has no control over what local politicians can or can't say. If they did, they would have - and should have - exercised that control over Elliot Roush."

"So you don't agree with what Jed said?"

"I didn't say that. Everything he said is the truth and I agree with him one-hundred percent. That doesn't mean he said it because I told him to. He's his own person, Mark. He has his own thoughts, his own opinions, and he has every right to share them. "

"Yeah well, Hathaway went through the roof. You could have been in serious trouble."

"I won't be."

"No, you're right. You won't be," Mark replied, rounding the corner with her towards the staff lockers. "That's because Rob Nolan spent all morning in his office, pleading Jed's case and denying your involvement."

"Robert?" Dr. Nolan had been her ally for years, but never had she been so grateful for his friendship.

"He's pretty pissed at you."

"Robert or Hathaway?"

"Both. But Rob's the one who wants to see you ASAP. Hathaway buys the possibility that you had nothing to do with the article. Rob and I know you better."

"There was nothing in that article that wasn't true. All Jed did was point out that this hospital owes it to one of their best doctors to defend him when it's obvious he's being railroaded. You took a medical exam, Mark. You passed. There's no reason whatsoever for anyone to sit on the fence about this. Hathaway should have cleared you. He should have stood behind you and encouraged everyone to stop pointing fingers and move on so we can concentrate on rallying for..."

"...money from the federal government to fund adequate research and determine what caused Megan Carmichael's illness," Mark finished, reading Jed's quote from the paper. 

"Jed said it right."

Mark agreed with a nod as he rested his head on the wall next to her. "A couple of newborn babies in the Bronx may have it."

The news jolted her. Abbey's hand remained frozen on the handle to her locker while she spun her head to the side. "You're kidding." 

"No."

"Newborns? How?"

"No idea. I got that from my pal at the CDC. The doctor who called him believes the babies have all the signs, but the rest of the hospital is denying it, kind of like they are here."

"Because of the public panic."

"Well...yeah. It's not just the public. One of the ICU nurses in Boston quit on the spot when Megan was brought in. She was scared to treat her." 

Revulsion clear in the way she scrunched up her face, Abbey sighed. "She's a little girl."

"With a fatal disease. No one knows how she got it or who she could give it to."

The thought wasn't foreign to Abbey. She lowered her head as she recalled her own fears just days earlier. "Jed and I took Zoey to the E.R. in Manchester a few days ago. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I took comfort in the fact that everyone there was wearing gloves."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. Who could blame you for being scared? Besides, I've seen a few of the nurses wearing gloves around here too. It's quickly becoming part of the basic precautions now," Mark told her. "It makes sense, right?"

"Of course it does. But how are we supposed to heal the patients when we're so worried about catching what they have? Doesn't that bother you?

"Safety first. You know that. The only time the gloves bother me is when the staff puts them on just because they're around me. It's like they're afraid that just because I'm gay I could give it to them if I accidentally brush up against them."

"Mark..." 

He interrupted her by walking over to sit on the small bench by the corner lockers as he muttered, "I'm leaving, Abbey." 

"What?"

"Kevin got a job with a law firm out west and I'm going with him. I have an interview at a hospital outside of Seattle in a couple of weeks."

"Did Hathaway fire you?" Her passionate green eyes momentarily dulled with disdain and she moved in front of him. "Did he seriously fire you?"

"No, no. It's not that," Mark assured her. "It's just...I liked that no one knew I was gay. I stayed in the closet for a reason. Now that everyone knows, even the ones who don't think I'm responsible for Megan, either don't talk to me, or they ask a million questions."

"Questions?"

"I know they're not all prejudice. I'm sure I'm being hypersensitive, but it feels like they're trying to figure out why I am the way I am, what went wrong in my childhood to make me this way."

"That'll go away." She took a seat beside him. "They're just surprised right now."

"You have no idea what it's like. I've been here before, Abbey. I moved to New Hampshire to get away from the prying and the nosiness...and the bigotry."

"And you're running away again?"

Defensively, he twisted his entire body to face her. "No. I'm not running away. I'm choosing to remove myself from a potentially ugly situation. I'm choosing to protect my sanity as well as my right to privacy. Surely you can understand that."

Abbey nodded. Of course she could understand, but her displeasure at losing such a dear colleague was multiplied by guilt. "I'm sorry I told you to go to the CDC."

Mark shook his head. "This isn't your fault."

"You weren't sick. You told me you weren't sick."

"You were right about that. Telling the CDC was the right thing to do, legally and ethically. Besides, it wasn't the CDC guy who leaked it to the press." He supportively wrapped an arm around her drooping shoulder. "It's not your fault."

"I just wish this wasn't happening."

"Hey, they're getting close. Maybe by next year, they'll have a new name for this thing since it seems to be affecting more than just the gay community now."

"I hope so. Once they know how it's transmitted, the fear will die down a little."

"I think so too."

"In the meantime..." She took his hand in hers. "You'll keep in touch?"

"Of course. You've been a really good friend to me over the years, Abbey. Both you and Jed. Thank you."

"Hey, you got me through most of my residency. You helped me blend back in after I left for a year. I'm the one who should be thanking you."

"You already have. That was one hell of an article."

"It really was all Jed. He's quite the speaker, isn't he?"

"He certainly is that. Pass on my thanks to him," Mark replied. "You've gotta go see Dr. Nolan before you start your shift, you little rebel."

Abbey chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I do. He's really pissed?"

"Half-pissed and half-proud."

"You're telling me that to make feel better, right?"

"Sort of." He stood up and offered his hand to help her to her feet. "I'll go with you."

"Don't you have a mountain of paperwork to finish?"

"Not at the moment. I'd rather watch you go head-to-head with Rob."

"You just like a good fight."

"Who doesn't?"

She led the way down the corridor and just as she pushed the elevator call button, her cheerful smirk faded. "Newborns?"

"Yeah. And there's some question about whether or not an elderly woman in Los Angeles has it too."

Abbey nodded somberly as they entered the elevator. "It just gets worse every day, doesn't it?"

It would be another year before the first rumors would rumble through communities, lifting the veil off a disease that was already claiming the lives of hemophiliacs, infecting newborn babies, targeting I.V. drug users, and killing Megan Carmichael.

Both Abbey and Mark knew Megan's medical history. But without the other pieces needed to complete the puzzle, no one yet believed the root of her illness could be traced back to the botched appendectomy and subsequent blood transfusion two years earlier. Like the babies in New York, the elderly woman in California, and many other patients around the world, Megan fell victim to something no one predicted - a contaminated blood supply.

 

TBC


	18. On My Honor

She felt like Cinderella.

Lizzie stepped back from the full-length mirror in her parents' room and held the ends of her party dress out to the sides. Each time she gradually moved the fabric towards the light, a luminous shimmer properly accented the midnight blue velvet. She released her hold and allowed the unrestrained hem to flow around her knees as she took her hands to the thick straps that covered her shoulders. 

It was her first formal school dance so everything had to be perfect. Fortunately, Abbey understood. From the exhausting search for an expensive pair of nude pantyhose that would adequately conceal the little nicks she got from shaving her legs for the very first time that morning, to the countless attempts to roll every stubborn strand of hair with hot curlers that afternoon, Abbey had spent the entire day preparing her daughter for this affair.

Now, her legs looked flawless, her long tresses shined with chestnut waves and subtle spirals that framed the edge of her thirteen-year-old face, and as she slipped into a pair of clear one-inch-heeled shoes, Abbey gave her an adoring smile.

"What?" Lizzie asked, returning her mother's smile with one of her own.

"You just look so grown up."

"I am. I'm almost an adult, you know."

"I wouldn't go that far, Baby Doll, " Abbey replied, chuckling. "Ready to go downstairs?"

Liz hesitated. There was one thing left to do. "Ellie, do I really look okay? Be honest."

Ellie, who had been watching quietly from her mother's bed, jumped to the floor to answer. "I think you look like a princess, Lizzie."

Delighted by the response, Liz tilted her head to the side, then turned her appreciative glance from Ellie to Abbey. "Okay, I'm ready."

Downstairs, Jed paced the floor waiting for his wife and daughter while Zoey collected the plastic monkeys that had dropped to the floor when Mrs. Weaver tried to teach her how to play Barrel of Monkeys. 

"Daddy pway?" the toddler asked as she lifted one of the game pieces and offered it to him.

"Oh, I can't play right now, Sweetie. We have to go soon. If you ask her nicely, though, maybe Mrs. Weaver will play with you again and if not, then ask Ellie."

Zoey stood then and wobbled over to her father. "I go too."

Jed squatted to her level and brushed her soft baby hair away from her green eyes. "I'm afraid you can't go this time. But tomorrow, I'll take you to the park. Deal?" 

"Noooo." Whining, Zoey shook her head and bent her knees in a steady bounce.

"We talked about this, Zo, remember? I told you that Mommy, Lizzie, and I are going out tonight. You're going to stay here with Ellie and Mrs. Weaver." Jed tucked a finger under her chin to lift her head when she awkwardly looked to the ground. "We'll spend all day together tomorrow. Okay?"

With a reluctant nod, her head turned towards the stairs when her father gasped at the sight on the top landing. Lizzie's hand rested on the bannister. Her eyes scanned the room to find Jed and Zoey. 

The hall lamp that was lit behind her brought out all the natural highlights in her hair. Her bangs had been pushed off her forehead, teased a bit to give it some body and a little more height. A small nest of brunette locks had been swept from the sides and twisted into a barrette that sat at her crown, revealing the elegant, understated glitter of the diamond stud earrings her parents had given her for her thirteenth birthday.

Jed's stare followed an imaginary path from her head to her toes as he examined the dress. Abbey had approved of a thicker strapped style as opposed to the spaghetti straps Lizzie originally wanted. The waist was slightly tighter than he would have chosen and he would have appreciated a longer length on the skirt, but he was pleased with the way Abbey had reconciled his conservative opinions with Liz's liberal ones. 

"Wow. Lizzie, you're just...you're gorgeous."

"You like it?" Liz asked, holding out the sides and whirling around for his inspection.

"I really do." What was more important to him, though, was that she liked it. Her eyes sparkled on this night, probably more than they ever had before. 

"Good because Mom and I shopped for eight hours for this."

He held out his hand to her and she began her descent down the stairs, Ellie and Abbey trailing behind. "All three of you look absolutely beautiful!"

"But I'm wearing my pajamas," Ellie replied.

"Even in pajamas, I have the best looking family in the world." He helped Ellie down then took Abbey's arm. "And a wife who's so hot, all the other chaperones are going to be green with envy."

"Not tonight," Abbey said. "All eyes are going to be on our daughter tonight."

Blushing, Liz laughed. "I just hope Jeff likes the way I look."

That's when Jed saw it, the little bit of color that outlined her lips. He squinted as he approached his daughter. "Are you wearing make-up?"

"No," Liz insisted, unconvincingly. She amended her answer rather quickly when she saw Abbey's glare. "It's just chapstick with some gloss."

"Abbey?"

"It's lip gloss, Jed. That's it. No blush. No foundation. No powder. Nothing but lip gloss."

"I don't like it." 

"You don't like anything that suggests she's growing up, but she is. I think the color is great on her. It's subtle enough that you didn't even notice it at first."

"I think it looks pretty, Daddy," Ellie added.

"I do too," Abbey agreed. "Don't you, Jed?"

He looked at Abbey, then at Ellie, then at Liz. All three donned the same triumphant expression and Jed was left with only one possible response. "Yeah, it's pretty, but I really hate that I'm outnumbered in this house."

"I hate it too, Darling," Abbey offered, a gleeful smirk betraying her words as she slid her hand into the crook of his arm.

"I can see just how much," he teased. "Just wait until Zoey grows up to agree with everything I say. Then, you'll know what it feels like."

"I'm sure I will. In the meantime, shall we?"

"Yeah, we still have to pick up Jeff," Lizzie reminded them.

"That's right and I'd love to have a little talk with him on the way over." Jed wickedly rubbed his hands together, a gesture he used frequently used to playfully irk his oldest daughter.

"Dad."

"I just want to make sure he knows what happens if he gets too close."

"What happens, Daddy?" Ellie asked.

"Nothing, El," Liz answered.

"Your sister turns into a pumpkin," Jed corrected.

With Jed and Liz bickering in the background, Abbey grabbed her camera to take a few pictures. "Okay, okay, enough. I want some great shots before we go."

"Dr. Bartlet?" Mrs. Weaver interjected. "Why don't I take one of the whole family?"

"That would be lovely. Thank you." 

Abbey picked up Zoey and ushered Ellie over to the stairs. The seven-year-old hopped onto the second step just behind Liz while Abbey and Jed took their places on either side of their daughters. Of course when the camera actually flashed, Zoey's head was turned towards the beads that adorned her mother's black dress, distracting Abbey from the lens, Jed focused on the disruption between his wife and youngest daughter, and Ellie was trying to find a step high enough so she could be seen over the top of Liz's teased hair. 

Only Lizzie smiled for the photo, seemingly unaffected by the disturbance around her.

Once they were finished, Jed helped Liz and Abbey with their coats, then opened his arms to his both his girls. "Let's get this show on the road."

Ellie raced Zoey to the window to watch as they boarded the car and drove away. Soon, Zoey's concentration wavered and she found her way back to the toys she had pulled out of her toy box. Ellie joined her, plopping down on the floor to help retrieve the plastic monkeys.

"I'll play with you," she told her little sister.

"Okay, but I win."

"You haven't won yet. We have to play first. And anyway, you don't even know how to play this one."

"Daddy says I win when I pway." Zoey furrowed her brows as if pleading with the older girl to give her what she wanted. 

She knew she was being manipulated, but without a second thought, Ellie nodded. "Okay, you win."

Zoey clapped her tiny hands and got up to distract herself with the silver Slinky that Mrs. Weaver was holding. Ellie observed the way she quickly changed her mind, then shrugged and devoted her own attention to the chain of monkeys.

At the dance, Liz guided Jeff as far away from her parents as possible. In a corner by the punchbowl, they mingled with another couple for several minutes until Liz urged him to the dance floor. His arm bent at the elbow, his right hand held hers. His touch was stiff and his feet barely moved, a direct result of the nerves that bungled his mind and rendered him silent. 

"What's he doing now?" Abbey asked from across the room.

Jed peeked over the top of her head. "He's doing the same thing he was doing a few seconds ago. Standing there and swaying his hips." 

"Is she helping to loosen him up?"

"Why don't you turn around and look?"

"Because I don't feel comfortable spying on her!"

"But it's okay for you to ask me to spy on her then report back to you?"

"You're her father. It's expected. Besides, you don't seem to have any objection."

"I don't know about it being expected, but you bet your ass I have no problem spying on my daughter and her so-called date." Jed flung his arm around Abbey's waist and spun her around twice on the way to the dance floor.

"What are you doing?"

"Just work with me here." 

"I'm trying." 

Her hands snuggled under his jacket, she waltzed around his every step. He rotated them slowly across the floor, allowing a few minutes to pass before they were side-by-side with Liz. Jed didn't concede to Liz's annoyed sigh, nor did he flinch when she protested by pushing her hand against Jeff's to move away from her parents. 

Instead, he followed them. "Hey, Lizzie. How's it going?" 

"Dad!"

"You made us promise no pictures, so I just want to make sure you're having a good time."

"We're having a great time, Mr. Bartlet," Jeff replied.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. I like you, Jeff."

"Thank you, Sir." 

Abbey tightened her hold around Jed's waist. "And now that your curiosity has been satisfied, we'll leave you guys alone..." She pointed a stern glare towards her husband. "Won't we, Honey?"

With no choice but to agree, Jed led the way towards chaperone corner of the gymnasium, leaving Jeff and Lizzie to resume their dance. Liz rolled her eyes, but Jeff didn't seem to mind the intrusion. In fact, it was a welcomed break from the stress of pretending he knew how to dance.

Meanwhile, far enough away from prying eyes, Abbey lifted her hand and lightheartedly swatted Jed's shoulder. "That wasn't nice."

"Hey! Speaking of not nice..." 

She couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her. "You shouldn't have interrupted them like that."

"I like messing with her. It's a father-daughter thing."

"Mmm hmm. Did you have fun messing with her?"

"I did. Thank you for asking." He peered over her head again, suspicious by another glimpse at Jeff and Liz.

"What is it?"

"I can't tell." 

Abbey turned around to see what had captivated her husband's attention. Jeff had stepped back, away from Liz. His lips were moving and his hands fluttered down at his side. Timidly, he seemed to be asking her a question and when he stopped talking, Liz smiled and nodded. Jeff leaned in apprehensively, pulling himself back immediately as his mouth barely touched the corner of hers. 

It wasn't clear to either Jed or Abbey whether he was aiming for her lips or her cheek, but they didn't question it. Jed chuckled at the shy, youthful way Jeff retreated when it was over and Abbey simply turned a loving glance to her husband.

"That was cute," he said.

Prompted by the endearing kiss Jeff had just given her daughter, Abbey warmly cuddled up to Jed's chest as one song faded into another. "Do you remember your first school dance?"

"I never went."

"Why not?"

"I didn't know how to dance until after we were married, remember?"

"Yeah, but you danced with me when you met me."

"That's only because I didn't want to risk you finding someone else at that party." Jed closed his eyes and inhaled the strawberry scent of her hair. "Do you remember your first dance?"

"I do. I wasn't much older than Lizzie. His name was Bobby Johnson. The cutest boy I thought I'd ever meet." 

Jed relaxed his hold and pulled back to look at her. "Really?"

"Little did I know the cutest boy I'd ever meet wouldn't even cross my path until New Year's Eve 1965." Abbey pushed herself into his embrace once again and Jed held her tighter this time.

"You have no idea how much I love you." 

"I think I do, but it's not nearly as much as I love you." His hands slipped down the back of her black beaded dress, finding the sexy slope of her rear. Instantly, Abbey propped them up above her hips. "Hey, G-rated hands. It's a junior high dance."

"We're married. It's allowed."

"Yes, but if you restrain yourself here, you'll be amply rewarded tonight," she promised, cautiously calling out to him when Jed groaned something inaudible. "Jed?"

"Will you wait up for me?"

"Why? You have other plans tonight?"

"Ellie's telescope came today. I want to assemble it when we get home and give it to her tonight."

"She'll probably be asleep by then."

"I'll wake her," he said. "I've been waiting four weeks, Abbey."

His features glowed with excitement and with a spring in his step, he remained entangled in her arms as they danced in their own little corner of the room. Abbey laid her head on his shoulder, the slant of her face meeting his neck and sending pulsating shockwaves through him every time her hot breath tickled his skin. 

"Does that feel good?" she mumbled after he squirmed slightly.

"You know exactly what you're doing to me."

She did. And she enjoyed every second of it. Behind his stunning good looks, dazzling personality, and impeccable charm, was a spirit so mesmerized by his three daughters that a surprise four weeks in the making invigorated him with a certain boylike quality. 

He couldn't wait to assemble that telescope. The recent tension that surrounded his relationship with Ellie was fading and he hoped this gesture would close the gap between them. It was no secret that he had to work harder when it came to his middle daughter. The natural bond that existed between him and Liz, wasn't as obvious with Ellie. To him, his passion for astronomy was the one thing he shared with Ellie and he was willing to hold on to that for as long as he possibly could. 

So when they arrived home later that evening, Jed changed out of his suit and pulled on a pair of sweats. Just as Abbey had warned, Ellie had fallen asleep in front of the television by the time he was ready to unveil the gift, so he quietly crept into the family room and kneeled down beside the sofa.

"Hey," he whispered softly. "Ellie."

"Daddy?" She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "Why are you waking me up?"

"Well because, first of all, this isn't your bed. And secondly, I want to show you something outside. Here." He held out her coat and helped her put it on. 

"What is it?"

"Just come on." 

Hand-in-hand, they walked out the front door, but Ellie broke the hold as soon as she noticed the black and silver telescope that sat on the wooden porch with its nose aimed just above the railing. Suddenly, her exhaustion disappeared and she ran towards it, ripping the red ribbon from the top.

"Is it mine?"

"Yes, it is. It was a birthday present, but they were out when I went to buy it."

"Thank you!" 

"Look right there." He lifted the end just enough for her height. "What do you see?"

Ellie removed her eye from the lens. "Nothing. Just sky."

Jed looked up to the heavens. "Yeah. It's cloudy tonight, isn't it?" Ellie nodded. "We can start tomorrow night."

"Start what?"

"Don't you want to observe the stars so you can see a supernova?"

"Yeah!" 

"Okay then." He laughed at the way she jumped up and down before he turned from her to sit on the swing. "Come here a second." 

She climbed up next to him. "What?"

"Are you still mad at me for the badge ceremony?"

Ellie shook her head. "No."

"Your mom told you not to be, didn't she?" She lowered her head in a silent admission and Jed nodded. "That's what I thought."

"She said I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at me."

"Yeah, well, I don't think that's true. Do you?" Again, Ellie shook her head, verifying what Jed already knew. Saddened by her truthful reply, he took a deep breath. "Yeah." 

"But I'm not mad at you anymore and it's not even because Mommy told me not to be."

"It isn't?"

"Uh uh. It's okay that I won't get my badge because I didn't earn it like the other girls. But I want to earn it so I can get the badge in March."

"That's great, Ellie." She never ceased to make him proud. 

"I can't wait!"

"You know, Miss Shelly's going to be back in January, so there really won't be any need for me to lead your troop after that. Is it okay with you if I step down?" His emotions teetered precariously as he waited for her to answer. With everything inside him, he wanted her to say 'no, it isn't okay.' He wanted her to ask him to stay. 

But she didn't. 

"Okay." Call it fear of rejection or simple pride. Though she didn't want him to quit, she didn't fight him. After all, it was his idea and in her mind, that alone made it obvious he no longer wanted to be part of her troop.

"Okay."

Several minutes of silence passed between them before Ellie looked up at him to ask, "Will you still help me learn about the stars?"

"You bet I will!" Jed draped his arm around her as he picked up the astronomy book he had set down on the swing. "That we can actually start tonight. If you're not too tired, that is."

Ellie shook her head. "I'm not tired at all."

He helped her onto his lap and held the book out in front. She read one page and he read the next, making their way through the pages at such a rapid pace, they completed most of the book in less than an hour. And when they were nearly finished, it was Jed who started to show signs of sleepiness. His eyes already closed, he leaned back against the frame of the house while Ellie curled up on the other side of the swing and continued to read. 

They were still battling the few hurtful misconceptions that manipulated their relationship, but deep down, there were some things Jed and Ellie had in common. Their love for astronomy was just one of them.

 

The End

To be continued in Checkmate


End file.
